valley, all I can tell you is that you will get through this and I do mean all up there that you listed. I, myself, just attended a funeral for a good friend, I've been in treatment and while I don't have the criminal background situation (know many out there working who do) these are just obstacles to over come.
I'm sure you do feel how you feel and you have every reason to. Just don't stay there forever and know that life does get better. It's rough when we've been used to picking up and using whenever things get bad. Go through it and we'll be here to support you.
I'm very sorry about your friend.
