dragonheart

I don't want to keep taking these pain meds but i cannot stop.It helps me when i go to the meetings and listen to other people talk about their addictions and i have cut down but have not stopped.I have been going to the meetings a couple times a week for the past year but have never shared my problems with them,I don't know if i am scared to talk about it or embarresed,either way i need to.In every meeting they always say the newcommer is the most important person in the room but no one has came up to me and talk to me,instead i feel like a lot of people are looking at me because i haven't shared yet.I am a hard headed person and set in my ways but i truly need some help.I would really like to get clean or cut way down before the month is over and startthe new year with my eyes wide open instead of half shut and glossey and be able to think normal without being under the influence of drugs.

Angelic17

Pain meds are tough to stop. I abused them for 10 years. But, I didn't go to meetings or a program to stop. I didn't share, or tell anyone my problems. I was just so sick and tired of chasing that garbage, that when I was done, I was done. After I was clean, I realized that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. Addiction is not a moral issue, it is an illness, a brain disease. If you run into someone who judges you, it simply means that person is ignorant, and judgemental. And you don't need people like that in your life. For me the program wasn't the way to go.

My sister on the other hand, has spent her past 10 years of sobriety going to NA meetings. The meetings saved her life. And she has given back so much to NA. What's good for one person isn't always good for another. Did you ever think of going to a Dr. and asking him if Suboxone might be right for you?
Suboxone was a big help for me and now I have going on 5 years clean.
I used it for a very short time, and it stopped the physical withdrawals. I was bad and didn't use it as directed. I used much less than I was prescribed, for a very short time. I didn't want to get hooked up on that stuff.

Even though the suboxone blocked the physical withdrawals, and got me past the physical addiction with no discomfort, it took me months and months to stop thinking about using, and to start really feeling normal again. Everyone is different and some people stop and feel fine. Others go out of their minds. Alot of addiction is mental, and some of it is physical. For me I was mental. I thought I needed what was killing me. Then when I stopped I realized that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, there's a bit of anxiety, and discomfort here and there, but it's better than a life time of active addiction, that either kills you, or keeps you living in a sick and miserable lifestyle. I know what your going through Dragon, and I wish you well. Hang in there. If I can clean up, any one can. I was a 30 Extra strength pill a day girl. Prescription for disaster. I could have easily died. I actually felt like I was a few times.
Take Care of yourself. This site is awesome to anonomously talk to others who understand. When you get that poison out of your system, life just gets better and better.

Gmoney

Hi Dragonheart, welcome to the NA forum.

I think it's great that you are attending meetings and have a desire to stop using, but NA cannot help you if you don't allow it to. Just like you have heard members share how the newcomer is most important, we also share that a "closed mouth cannot be fed" and we can only carry the message to those who are willing to receive it. If you don't speak up and ask for help, I think it may be hard for others to know you're a newcomer that needs it.

It is also suggested that newcomers attend 90 meetings in 90 days. This allows the newcomer to become familiar with the fellowship and the program. We get to know you...you get to know us. This also assists you in changing the people, places and things directly associated with your using. During those 90 days and 90 meetings you'll probably find a meeting where you'll feel more comfortable with the people there and the environment. This meeting can become your "home group" and choosing a home group is another of the suggestions we follow in this process we call recovery.

For me, one of the most important suggestions I had to follow was choosing a sponsor and getting involved in step work. NA is a 12 step program and the steps provide us with a solution to our ultimate problem (ourselves). Going to meetings is great, but recovery is an "inside job" and I couldn't do the work needed to change just by sitting in meetings listening to others share. Recovery doesn't just rub off of others and we "get it"...we have to play an active part in getting better. They told me that if I wanted what they had, I had to do what they did. Simple as that.

My experience was that I couldn't stop on sheer will-power. I needed help. Tapering didn't work for me and NA isn't about that. I had to go to detox and rehab, and it was after I got clean that I found recovery in NA. The first thing I had to do was stop using. The program doesn't work until then. Believe me, I've tried many different things (for many years) but the only thing that worked is NA.

G

REZ

Glad you're opening up to us and want to quit. Like Gmoney said, NA is a great program but only if you work it. Showing up at meetings is not enough. You need to work the steps with a sponsor and open up to people. I hope you are able to do this. Keep coming back.

Thx2HP

The meetings in my area have a line that says "if you are attending your 1st, 2nd or 3rd NA meeting or if you are within your first 30 days of recovery, please raise your hand and introduce yourself by your first name only. This is not to embarrass you, but so that we can welcome you and get to know you better." If the meetings you go to have something similar in the script, that is the time to raise your hand and introduce yourself as a newcomer. Even if you've been going to meetings for a year, you are still considered a newcomer until you have 30 consecutive days clean. When I secretary meetings and see newcomers not share during the allotted time, I ask if they'd like to say something before closing to give them a chance to at least introduce themselves again.

This fellowship has so much to offer, but you do have to put in the effort to reach out, introduce yourself, share your struggles and ask for help and support. Ask someone to sponsor you, so you have someone you can start confiding in outside of meetings. You do need to stop using entirely, and we have found that will power alone just doesn't cut it. That's where a Higher Power, the fellowship and the Steps come in.

Make a commitment to yourself to raise your hand first to speak at the next meeting you go to. That will get it out of the way and then you can relax and listen for the rest of the meeting! Hang in there

dragonheart

I thank you all for those wonderful replies and hopefully someday soon,I will be able to say i am 30 days clean and so on.If any of you have read some of my previous threads than you will know that i deal with a lot of pain and thats how my addiction started,but i think that i can deal with the pain now without medication.The last time i was sober was 3 1/2 years ago which is a long time for being in a different state of mind. Will a sponsor want to help someone like me while i am still in active addiction but trying to quit? I really need to do this,not only for me but my wife and two boys. I would like to grow as a father and a family man and there is no room for these drugs in that scenerio.

Gmoney

I'm willing to bet they would!! Give it a shot and keep coming back.

Threshold

The first step is about admitting you are an addict. That IS a step, and takes work. And it may be key in your getting clean. I'm pretty sure you can find a sponsor who is willing to work with you when you are NOT clean, as long as you ARE willing...and that MAY include committing to going to a certain number of meetings a week and working at that first step.

Sponsors differ in their approach and understanding of the program, but the newcomer is the most important person, and sometimes newcomers aren't clean yet.

Some sponsors are willing to work with nearly any addict who is at least willing to put their foot in the door...for a really long time.

Others will cut someone loose if that person is clearly not that interested in getting or staying clean, if they, once finding a sponsor, think or act as if their recovery is the sponsor's responsibility and not their own. Sponsors are people with lives and needs too. There is only so much time, energy and patience that any person has. Some sponsors have MORE time, etc, due to their life circumstances, or their own experience of recovery. Maybe they had a hard time getting started in the program themselves and someone was very patient with them.

Here is the most important thing to remember YOU are the one responsible for your recovery, no one can do it for you. YOU must be willing to take the help that is offered, to reach back. NA and the people of NA provide the means and atmosphere for recovery, but they cannot and will not force it upon anyone.

YOU need to tell people you want what they have, ask for help and then use what is offered. If one sponsor doesn't work out, it's OK to find another...but do be careful not to just hop from sponsor to sponsor trying to get someone who will let you get away with stuff.

at the end of every meeting the groups here say 'it works if you work it' .

We all have fears and setbacks.

I KNOW I am an addict and am doing step work...but I also know I still have reservations. There are days I just wish it would all go away by itse'f. 'But I know that I need NA and need to be working and living the program I'm a newcomer, just over 30 days clean, I dont have a Face to face sponsor yet, just a temporary online one...but every day I am doing my honest best to get into the program more and more.

I hope that you can "get over yourself" and make use of the program of NA. And that is really what it takes, to get over yourself, over your discomfort, push through your reservations, set aside your doubt and resentment and give things a real try.

I fully sympathize and understand all the things inside that make that difficult, but as an addict, I will tell you that is what it takes to get started in recovery.

keep coming back!

Sugah

I've accepted sponsees before they were clean, though all I really have to offer someone at that point is my own experience getting clean, and in that experience, the only step I was able to take while still using is the first step. Admitting and accepting my own powerlessness and the unmanageable state of my life helped me to find my emotional bottom and bring about the very valuable state of spiritual desperation I needed to get clean and take the rest of the steps.

And of course, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. I said a prayer that you follow this desire with the action of getting clean, then learning to stay that way. It sounds like you have a lot of blessings in your life -- blessings that active addiction can trample on and sweep to the curb. I know what it's like to be an addict and experience a lot of pain -- we can and do recover, too.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

dragonheart

Thank you for your replies,they do help me.Hopefully i can get me a sponsor soon and stop using.The people that go to the meetings that i go to seem to be good pretty so maybe some of them could help me.

MacX1993M

Hey seriously, u can call me for support if you need it! I also abused pain meds and they are awful to get off...but on the contrary, once your off life can be enjoyed again! Good luck and go to meetings as much as you think you need and get a sponsor. Also, what about you going to an IOP or Residential Treatment? Im here if u need it!

dragonheart

Thank you for caring. I am realizing how long i have been taking pain meds,about 8 years total.The last time i was sober was 3 1/2 years ago and that only lasted a month.I am really hoping to be completely sober within a months time.

kj3880

Hoping to be sober in a months' time is a great thing to hope. Combine that with some work and some taking suggestions from some NA members and you can get there. You shouldn't feel bad about coming to meetings while still using. Most of us did that, including me. Most of us came in dirty, going back and forth, using, and unable to stop. Chronically relapsing, with nothing but a desire to get clean. Luckily, a desire to get clean is all you need to come to NA. If you don't feel comfortable sharing in the group, just pick up a white welcome tag at the end and hang around looking scared after the meeting. Some members are sure to approach and introduce themselves. Try to see if you can answer their questions honestly.

Love,
KJ

Weeza

Hi Dragonheart,
Have you spoken with your doctor about how the pain medication getting in the way of your serenity? Your doctor shouldn't look down on you for it and may help you detox safely if not switch you to a non-narcotic... I've heard many stories of people taking more than their prescribed dose because the therapeutic value lessens over time the longer it's in one's system, then that becomes a bad cycle because pain increases while unmanageable dependency results.

There is a good pain management forum on Soberrecovery. You can share there, too: Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I find that by writing down the time when medication is taken, and keeping strict to the script, it keeps me honest and in check, so the medicine does what it is intended to do...

Fortunately I am able to take a non-narcotic and do less than the recommended daily dose, like half, and I had that cleared with my doctor beforehand. Some medicine scripts can be on an as needed basis, like for the times when there's difficulty walking or standing due to pain flare ups (as an example)... As I have an understanding that tolerance to pain medication, even if non-narcotic, is a risk, I try to keep my dosage to the minimum level and am working on physical therapy and sleep habits to reduce the need for medicine...

Narcotic's Anonymous is a great program. Glad to read that you've found some meetings as the program helps me keep clean and sober.

dragonheart

I have spoken to my doctor a few times about it and he says as long as i take them the way he subscribes them then i am not abusing them but you can have a physical dependence on them.This is where i am screwed up,I am addicted to pain meds and can't stop but on the other hand i take less than what is subscibed and always have some left over.The meds are oxycotin 60's and dilauded 8 mg pills.I used to only take them a few times a week when the pain was really bad but after 4 1/2 years i was taking them everyday.Is it possible to get back to that and take them only when i am hurting a lot? I have cut down again by 1 pill this week and hopefully another next week but it is killing my stomach so i guess thats payback for the years of abuse.Thanks for listening.

notkernels

Dragonheart,
Maybe my experience will help you. I suffer from migraines and was prescribed pain medication from my doctor to treat them. After several years of using them and finding myself enjoying them more and more I realized it was becoming a problem. I finally worked up the courage to talk with my doctor. His response only made my addiciton worse. He looked at my chart and said, you're okay dont worry. Next thing I knew I was ordering more of those pills off the internet. Needless to say my addiction was active for another couple of years.
I suspect you know you are an addict and its only a matter of time before the consequences of this disease surfaces and are undeniable to you. Sorry for being blunt.

dragonheart

I know this is an old thread but its still the same thing. I have not been able to quit yet,in fact it seems like I am taking more. I don't no why I can't speak out at a meeting but I need help before its too late. I wish someone would come up to me when I go to my Sunday meeting and just ask me what my deal is and maybe I will open up. I am having a very hard time asking for help in which I really need. Please,any replies will be helpfull.

Missybuns

hang on ....keep going. I am sure you have heard this part "When you want what we have to offer and are willing to make the effort to get it, THEN you are ready to take certain steps."

I attended meetings for close to two years while not being able to stop....eventually I got in enough pain to want what they had to offer....by THEN I was willing to make the efffort to get it.

I do understand it probably feels socially awkward to speak up....but this is not a social thing...our lives are at stake. We get socially better with time...but just break the ice. Saying "Im new and Im scared and feeling shy but really want help" is only a suggestion....and only one sentence.

I know I respond to hearing "want help" moreso than hearing "need help"....both are probably true...only "want" reveals willingness to make an effort.

Speak from the heart.

Peace,
Missy