Hi Dragonheart,
Have you spoken with your doctor about how the pain medication getting in the way of your serenity? Your doctor shouldn't look down on you for it and may help you detox safely if not switch you to a non-narcotic... I've heard many stories of people taking more than their prescribed dose because the therapeutic value lessens over time the longer it's in one's system, then that becomes a bad cycle because pain increases while unmanageable dependency results.
There is a good pain management forum on Soberrecovery. You can share there, too:
Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I find that by writing down the time when medication is taken, and keeping strict to the script, it keeps me honest and in check, so the medicine does what it is intended to do...
Fortunately I am able to take a non-narcotic and do less than the recommended daily dose, like half, and I had that cleared with my doctor beforehand. Some medicine scripts can be on an as needed basis, like for the times when there's difficulty walking or standing due to pain flare ups (as an example)... As I have an understanding that tolerance to pain medication, even if non-narcotic, is a risk, I try to keep my dosage to the minimum level and am working on physical therapy and sleep habits to reduce the need for medicine...
Narcotic's Anonymous is a great program. Glad to read that you've found some meetings as the program helps me keep clean and sober.