Gotta vent this!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 123
Gotta vent this!
ARRGGH! OK, OK, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10... I'm calm...
So... my 'friend' that I found out had an affair with my wife included me on a mass email with some pics of a huge snake or something. I replied to him with a simple, Take me off your email list. I'm a Christian and he knows that's important to me, here's his reply.
Seriously??? Is he really trying to guilt me into forgiving him to clear HIS conscience??? Unbelievable. For the record, he is an alcoholic as well... doe these tactics look familiar?
Does he really want to play the Christian card? if so how about not coveting thy neighbors' wife??? Oh, and how about this one... no adultery! Hmmm... that's an interesting thought.
Truthfully, his response helps me to solidify in my mind the type of person he is and although it really makes me mad now, it does help in putting this behind me.
Like the old saying goes - "That which does not kill us only makes us want to kill others.", or something like that.
So... my 'friend' that I found out had an affair with my wife included me on a mass email with some pics of a huge snake or something. I replied to him with a simple, Take me off your email list. I'm a Christian and he knows that's important to me, here's his reply.
Okay. I hope you are doing well. I would like to talk to you if you are ready. I hope you will not hate me forever but, I understand that I deserve no consideration here. You can choose to talk to me or not but, the Christian thing to do is to forgive. Also, from a mental perspective, you will feel better once you forgive me and put it behind you. You can call me an A-Hole or whatever and never talk to me again but, please don’t let this cause you pain for a prolonged period of time. You are better than that.
Does he really want to play the Christian card? if so how about not coveting thy neighbors' wife??? Oh, and how about this one... no adultery! Hmmm... that's an interesting thought.
Truthfully, his response helps me to solidify in my mind the type of person he is and although it really makes me mad now, it does help in putting this behind me.
Like the old saying goes - "That which does not kill us only makes us want to kill others.", or something like that.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
That is unbelievable. What he said is actually very true but to come from someone with obviously low morals is a little...I don't know...hypocritical?
Yes, definitely treat this as the eye-opener it is. Although I doubt you needed any more confirmation that he's not exactly friend material, did ya?
Hang in there!
Yes, definitely treat this as the eye-opener it is. Although I doubt you needed any more confirmation that he's not exactly friend material, did ya?
Hang in there!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Wow...hypocritical is right...but, on the other hand hanging on to resentments is not a good idea...I know it is hard to let them go...I am dealing with my own...obviously you are better off realizing now what kind of person he is...
This too shall pass
This too shall pass
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 123
Yes, I do agree that what he says is true - and I'm working on that. I've also learned that you can forgive someone for things but that doesn't mean you have to keep them as part of your life.
It was condescending and it was mean. Just plain mean. There was no remorse. There was no request for forgiveness. It came across (to me) as an insult to your own belief system......to reword what it sounded like to me......if you are really a christian, you will forgive.
When I encounter people who jeopardize my serenity......I tell myself......they are not a part of my world. I put them in a place that doesn't feel. I don't hate them. I don't love them. I just don't feel anything toward them. Nothing. Is it forgiveness? Perhaps. It is acceptance? I think so. Acceptance that they are who they are and I can't control them but that doesn't mean that I have to allow them to be a participant in "my world".
hugs
When I encounter people who jeopardize my serenity......I tell myself......they are not a part of my world. I put them in a place that doesn't feel. I don't hate them. I don't love them. I just don't feel anything toward them. Nothing. Is it forgiveness? Perhaps. It is acceptance? I think so. Acceptance that they are who they are and I can't control them but that doesn't mean that I have to allow them to be a participant in "my world".
hugs
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
TD......
This letter reminded me of the letters I use to get from my XABF to the TEE!
Manipulation, trying to suck you back in!
Accept what you need to live your life...and forgive for YOURSELF!
This letter reminded me of the letters I use to get from my XABF to the TEE!
Manipulation, trying to suck you back in!
Accept what you need to live your life...and forgive for YOURSELF!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I'm learning that I'm responsible for the outcome of my actions. While you did not deserve the response you received, your request to remove your e-mail address from his address book prompted his reply.
A non reply would have ended the interaction and caused you less pain. Even better, hitting the delete button and choosing not to read his e-mail would have caused you no pain at all.
The more recovery I get under my belt the more I can forsee and thus avoid actions on my part that invite chaos or unpleasantness into my life.
I'm learning that it's best for me if I think before I act.
A non reply would have ended the interaction and caused you less pain. Even better, hitting the delete button and choosing not to read his e-mail would have caused you no pain at all.
The more recovery I get under my belt the more I can forsee and thus avoid actions on my part that invite chaos or unpleasantness into my life.
I'm learning that it's best for me if I think before I act.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 123
I have this nauseating feeling that even if I ignore him for years he'll always pop back up when he feels he needs me. I really wish he'd just go away. My wife cheating on me with my friend is bad enough without this parasite on me all the time.
However, I did not respond to this email, even though I had plenty to say about it.
Sounds like he wants you to forgive him to clear his OWN conscience. Some kind of friend.....i think not! You can forgive for YOURSELF without him knowing a single thing. I had to do that to move on with my life, but he'll NEVER know that
Here is something i posted a little while ago about forgiveness:
Forgiveness. . . What's it For?
hope it helps.
Here is something i posted a little while ago about forgiveness:
Forgiveness. . . What's it For?
hope it helps.
classic self centerdness.
try not to give this guy any more of your energy. and yes, delete him from your orbit as much as you possibly can, and definitely delete his emails BEFORE you read them in the future.
in time, you will walk through your healing journey of forgiveness and growth. in Gods time. not this jerk's time.
try not to give this guy any more of your energy. and yes, delete him from your orbit as much as you possibly can, and definitely delete his emails BEFORE you read them in the future.
in time, you will walk through your healing journey of forgiveness and growth. in Gods time. not this jerk's time.
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