Gotta vent this!

Old 06-16-2008, 08:01 AM
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Angry Gotta vent this!

ARRGGH! OK, OK, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10... I'm calm...

So... my 'friend' that I found out had an affair with my wife included me on a mass email with some pics of a huge snake or something. I replied to him with a simple, Take me off your email list. I'm a Christian and he knows that's important to me, here's his reply.

Okay. I hope you are doing well. I would like to talk to you if you are ready. I hope you will not hate me forever but, I understand that I deserve no consideration here. You can choose to talk to me or not but, the Christian thing to do is to forgive. Also, from a mental perspective, you will feel better once you forgive me and put it behind you. You can call me an A-Hole or whatever and never talk to me again but, please donít let this cause you pain for a prolonged period of time. You are better than that.
Seriously??? Is he really trying to guilt me into forgiving him to clear HIS conscience??? Unbelievable. For the record, he is an alcoholic as well... doe these tactics look familiar?

Does he really want to play the Christian card? if so how about not coveting thy neighbors' wife??? Oh, and how about this one... no adultery! Hmmm... that's an interesting thought.

Truthfully, his response helps me to solidify in my mind the type of person he is and although it really makes me mad now, it does help in putting this behind me.

Like the old saying goes - "That which does not kill us only makes us want to kill others.", or something like that.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:11 AM
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That is unbelievable. What he said is actually very true but to come from someone with obviously low morals is a little...I don't know...hypocritical?

Yes, definitely treat this as the eye-opener it is. Although I doubt you needed any more confirmation that he's not exactly friend material, did ya?

Hang in there!
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:18 AM
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Wow...hypocritical is right...but, on the other hand hanging on to resentments is not a good idea...I know it is hard to let them go...I am dealing with my own...obviously you are better off realizing now what kind of person he is...

This too shall pass
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:25 AM
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Yes, I do agree that what he says is true - and I'm working on that. I've also learned that you can forgive someone for things but that doesn't mean you have to keep them as part of your life.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:33 AM
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You are right, you don't have to keep them part of your life ...I have enough insanity I don't need someone else creating more of it for me...
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:46 AM
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Forgiveness is for myself, not anyone else. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or removal of consequences either.
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Old 06-16-2008, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by TDinATL View Post
Like the old saying goes - "That which does not kill us only makes us want to kill others.", or something like that.

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Old 06-16-2008, 09:41 AM
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It was condescending and it was mean. Just plain mean. There was no remorse. There was no request for forgiveness. It came across (to me) as an insult to your own belief reword what it sounded like to me......if you are really a christian, you will forgive.

When I encounter people who jeopardize my serenity......I tell myself......they are not a part of my world. I put them in a place that doesn't feel. I don't hate them. I don't love them. I just don't feel anything toward them. Nothing. Is it forgiveness? Perhaps. It is acceptance? I think so. Acceptance that they are who they are and I can't control them but that doesn't mean that I have to allow them to be a participant in "my world".

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Old 06-16-2008, 09:48 AM
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This letter reminded me of the letters I use to get from my XABF to the TEE!

Manipulation, trying to suck you back in!

Accept what you need to live your life...and forgive for YOURSELF!

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Old 06-16-2008, 10:57 AM
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I'm learning that I'm responsible for the outcome of my actions. While you did not deserve the response you received, your request to remove your e-mail address from his address book prompted his reply.

A non reply would have ended the interaction and caused you less pain. Even better, hitting the delete button and choosing not to read his e-mail would have caused you no pain at all.

The more recovery I get under my belt the more I can forsee and thus avoid actions on my part that invite chaos or unpleasantness into my life.

I'm learning that it's best for me if I think before I act.
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Old 06-16-2008, 10:58 AM
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Forgiveness & acceptance does not mean tolerance
lose this turd
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Old 06-16-2008, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
A non reply would have ended the interaction and caused you less pain. Even better, hitting the delete button and choosing not to read his e-mail would have caused you no pain at all.
You'd really have to know this guy to know what he's like. He does not have the ability to see anything beyond what he needs or wants and he does not give up. That has served him well in business but not so good in his personal life. He's told me before I'm the only person that's stuck by him through alcohol, cocaine, suicidal thoughts, an uncle's suicide, being a grandpa at 39, addiction to prostitutes... the list goes on. He's done me wrong many times and I've always let it go because I thought he needed someone in his life that was positive and there for him. For my sake I can't do that anymore.

I have this nauseating feeling that even if I ignore him for years he'll always pop back up when he feels he needs me. I really wish he'd just go away. My wife cheating on me with my friend is bad enough without this parasite on me all the time.

However, I did not respond to this email, even though I had plenty to say about it.
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Old 06-16-2008, 11:29 AM
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Sounds like he wants you to forgive him to clear his OWN conscience. Some kind of friend.....i think not! You can forgive for YOURSELF without him knowing a single thing. I had to do that to move on with my life, but he'll NEVER know that

Here is something i posted a little while ago about forgiveness:

Forgiveness. . . What's it For?

hope it helps.
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Old 06-16-2008, 12:45 PM
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classic self centerdness.

try not to give this guy any more of your energy. and yes, delete him from your orbit as much as you possibly can, and definitely delete his emails BEFORE you read them in the future.

in time, you will walk through your healing journey of forgiveness and growth. in Gods time. not this jerk's time.
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Old 06-17-2008, 01:13 AM
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Curled up in a good book...
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No wonder you needed to vent! I hope you can cut him out of your life - you deserve so much better!
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