I cannot do this anymore!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
I cannot do this anymore!!!
Hello and I am sorry for this sad thread!!!
I woke up this morning, and came here to encourage others on their road to recovery. I have been sober two months.
What did I do?? I went on a walk and ended up at a package store. I purchased beer.
What am I feeling? I want to give up!! I can't take any more emotional pain. My ex who was in jail due to physical abuse of me, went to court, I was not there, didn't want to be.
I wonder, am I a lost cause???
I woke up this morning, and came here to encourage others on their road to recovery. I have been sober two months.
What did I do?? I went on a walk and ended up at a package store. I purchased beer.
What am I feeling? I want to give up!! I can't take any more emotional pain. My ex who was in jail due to physical abuse of me, went to court, I was not there, didn't want to be.
I wonder, am I a lost cause???
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
NO YOU'RE NOT A LOST CAUSE!!! I just sent a reply to you on pm. Honey please dont give up. Please dump that beer out! This craving will stop, give it a chance. You are so worth it!! Keep typing.........
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
You CAN do this, honey! Welcome back. The beating yourself stops right now. You slipped but you still have 2 months of sober days!! You can do it again. You didn't fail at anything. It feels like it right now but you got caught up in a vulnerable moment. Don't give up on yourself........ I won't give up on you!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, & start over. We allow do-agains. 
And, thank God it didn't turn into a month long bender ! I'm convinced if I picked up again, I wouldn't stop for....well, I don't know how long.
And, thank God it didn't turn into a month long bender ! I'm convinced if I picked up again, I wouldn't stop for....well, I don't know how long.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
But you know what?? Your not in the gutter yet, and you don't want to be either. You are a very smart lady with such a huge heart. I'm so glad that we met. Get to a meeting! Call your sponser, and talk. ........keep talking to us...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You deal just like you have for those 2 months. Get ahold of someone face to face for support. Your sponsor, family etc.... and you let them hold you while you just feel the pain and go through it.
No one said it was easy, but you can do it....
No one said it was easy, but you can do it....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Right now I am alone!! Alone with my pain of a miserable past!! I have tried so hard....
Everyone has given up on me... my children, my family,
Oh, I am so sorry to be so negative, I just do not have any more fight in me.
BUT, please know that your kind words have truly touched me.
Everyone has given up on me... my children, my family,
Oh, I am so sorry to be so negative, I just do not have any more fight in me.
BUT, please know that your kind words have truly touched me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
missy, your first post says you purchased beer. Did you drink it? If you didn't, then you still have time to make the best choice for your health and sanity. Get rid of the beer. Forget about the cost and just pitch all of it in a dumpster.
It really sounds like you could benefit greatly from some face to face support. There is only so much we can do with just our typed words. Please keep reaching out. You can do this.
It really sounds like you could benefit greatly from some face to face support. There is only so much we can do with just our typed words. Please keep reaching out. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You dont have to make the fight harder by isolating yourself hon.... Pick up the phone, go to a meeting, Invite someone over from the program.... Just do something.
You past is over, we all have pasts, why dont you just try focusing on right now, just the next hour and who you can talk with.
You past is over, we all have pasts, why dont you just try focusing on right now, just the next hour and who you can talk with.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
I'm glad you're still here with us. You don't have to keep fighting. This is one battle you win by putting down the weapon rather than fighting. Is there anyone you can talk to? You know you're not committed to AA just by calling and talking to someone on the hotline or going to a meeting.
If you can't talk to someone right now, then try to write down what you're feeling. Get it out of your head. It's the worst place to store stuff. It just hurts to keep it in there.
If you can't talk to someone right now, then try to write down what you're feeling. Get it out of your head. It's the worst place to store stuff. It just hurts to keep it in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
My dear friends,
OMG, I am so ashamed to have let on my troubles to you, I JUST feel like a hprocrite, coming on so strong when I am not! I can give great advise, I am a a Nurse whom deals with pain in all areas of life.
Will I be here tomorrow?? I think so, for I am a true survivor, I know I will have guilt,,, but I also know I am human.
I believe in being honest. So.. again I took the wrong path. BUT, through your kind words, I cannot give up. Oh yes, the easy way is to give up.
OMG, I am so ashamed to have let on my troubles to you, I JUST feel like a hprocrite, coming on so strong when I am not! I can give great advise, I am a a Nurse whom deals with pain in all areas of life.
Will I be here tomorrow?? I think so, for I am a true survivor, I know I will have guilt,,, but I also know I am human.
I believe in being honest. So.. again I took the wrong path. BUT, through your kind words, I cannot give up. Oh yes, the easy way is to give up.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Thank goodness, you will be here tomorrow! It's ok, hey you had a slip. You ARE only human, and we all have our weak moments. But hey, your coming back tomorrow and jumping back on the wagon with us. There really is a God!!
I told ya you wouldn't feel better if ya drank it!
hehe! I hope your hangover isn't too bad in the morning. .......but then again, it WOULD be a good reminder of JUST ONE of the reasons you quit....soo??? I'm kinda 50/50 on that one hehe!
ALL part of the learning process I suppose. MEGA-hugs for you girl.
I told ya you wouldn't feel better if ya drank it!
hehe! I hope your hangover isn't too bad in the morning. .......but then again, it WOULD be a good reminder of JUST ONE of the reasons you quit....soo??? I'm kinda 50/50 on that one hehe! ALL part of the learning process I suppose. MEGA-hugs for you girl.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I am with you right now. Sending warm hugs (I wish they were real cos I bet we could both use one right now) down the line.
When we drank we didn't have to cope with the pain. Now we have stopped it is hard to bear. I want the pain to stop as well. If I drink I will die but I am afraid I can't live with all this sober reality either. Seems to me today like both roads will lead to the same end.
Sorry for the misery. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Knowing that may help. The people here understand us I think.
xx
When we drank we didn't have to cope with the pain. Now we have stopped it is hard to bear. I want the pain to stop as well. If I drink I will die but I am afraid I can't live with all this sober reality either. Seems to me today like both roads will lead to the same end.
Sorry for the misery. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Knowing that may help. The people here understand us I think.
xx
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi Missymae, I don't care how many people have given up on you.
I haven't, many here haven't, and you know what?
It doesn't matter, there is only one opinion or person that is important to
not give up on you,,,,,,,,,,,,,that's you.....
If you didn't drink, good for you.
If you did drink, oh well, thats over, pick ur self right back up and try again...
Also, any professional that told you that women like you end up in gutters ought to loose their licsense in my opinion.....
The past is gone honey, you only have now...... let the past lay in the past.
Learn from it, but please don't live it over and over...thats not healthy.
Bless you, you are in my thoughts, and I believe in you Missymae....
(((((((((((((((((hope3)))))))))))))))))
I haven't, many here haven't, and you know what?
Originally Posted by Missymae737 
Right now I am alone!! Alone with my pain of a miserable past!! I have tried so hard....
Everyone has given up on me... my children, my family,
Oh, I am so sorry to be so negative, I just do not have any more fight in me.
BUT, please know that your kind words have truly touched me.
Everyone has given up on me... my children, my family,
Oh, I am so sorry to be so negative, I just do not have any more fight in me.
BUT, please know that your kind words have truly touched me.
It doesn't matter, there is only one opinion or person that is important to
not give up on you,,,,,,,,,,,,,that's you.....
If you didn't drink, good for you.
If you did drink, oh well, thats over, pick ur self right back up and try again...
Also, any professional that told you that women like you end up in gutters ought to loose their licsense in my opinion.....
The past is gone honey, you only have now...... let the past lay in the past.
Learn from it, but please don't live it over and over...thats not healthy.
Bless you, you are in my thoughts, and I believe in you Missymae....
(((((((((((((((((hope3)))))))))))))))))
'55 Classic
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 637
Dear Missy,
I have no idea if you are a member of the same recovery program that I am, but I want to share with you what one of the founders of AA wrote in a letter back in 1958 to someone who obviously was going through something similar to what you are doing right now...
“About this slip business—I would not be too discouraged. I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us, and I guess you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successful. He is only asking us to try to be. That, you surely are doing, and have been doing.”
“Above all, take it one day at a time.”
Sometimes we can be our harshest critics... Two months is a great start. It’s a place to grow from. The experience that you gained during that time isn’t lost. We don’t have to allow situations like this to become millstones. Instead we can turn them into milestones.
Start anew today. That’s one day you never have to do over again. You’ve made some progress. If you go back and re-read what you posted you will start to see one of the possible triggers that caused you to drink. (I can spot it because I too have “got it.”) Stress provokes us to drink to escape the pain of reality. Missy, that’s natural for folks like us. The un-natural thing was NOT to drink for the last two months. You did well!
Try to see what it was that you were doing during those two months that helped keep you from drinking and expand on that. Also, if you don’t have a local support group like AA or NA, you might want to try it. But please don’t think you are alone in this, because you aren’t. Not only that, you may not realize it, but you’ve just helped me. When I can get out of myself and talk with someone who’s having problems of their own, it helps me to stay sober. My program has taught me that I have to give “it” away to keep it. (In this case “it” is Hope. It keeps Hope alive for me.) So, keep on plodding along, Hon, and keep us posted on how you are doing.
I have no idea if you are a member of the same recovery program that I am, but I want to share with you what one of the founders of AA wrote in a letter back in 1958 to someone who obviously was going through something similar to what you are doing right now...
“About this slip business—I would not be too discouraged. I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us, and I guess you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successful. He is only asking us to try to be. That, you surely are doing, and have been doing.”
“Above all, take it one day at a time.”
Sometimes we can be our harshest critics... Two months is a great start. It’s a place to grow from. The experience that you gained during that time isn’t lost. We don’t have to allow situations like this to become millstones. Instead we can turn them into milestones.
Start anew today. That’s one day you never have to do over again. You’ve made some progress. If you go back and re-read what you posted you will start to see one of the possible triggers that caused you to drink. (I can spot it because I too have “got it.”) Stress provokes us to drink to escape the pain of reality. Missy, that’s natural for folks like us. The un-natural thing was NOT to drink for the last two months. You did well!
Try to see what it was that you were doing during those two months that helped keep you from drinking and expand on that. Also, if you don’t have a local support group like AA or NA, you might want to try it. But please don’t think you are alone in this, because you aren’t. Not only that, you may not realize it, but you’ve just helped me. When I can get out of myself and talk with someone who’s having problems of their own, it helps me to stay sober. My program has taught me that I have to give “it” away to keep it. (In this case “it” is Hope. It keeps Hope alive for me.) So, keep on plodding along, Hon, and keep us posted on how you are doing.
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