Blacky

2015

Blacky

Steely

Well guess I better fess up and let people know that I picked up (alcohol) on 15th September. The bs lasted for 2 days, so have just about a week under my belt. Not counting really, sober is what I'm looking for, not days.

Hope everyone is well, and as I can't post a video will give a pic a go. Ever onwards.

Steely

My day at Little Bay, following which I went and picked up. Now why do I have to go spoil things?

Steely

And this is a beautiful sandstone rock face, Little Bay too. Very big indigenous country here. I must have gotten rocks in my head, and I'm not talking Acca Dacca.

Hope it's not upside down. Oh well, give it a spin.

Steely

Better get my numbers right. I STOPPED on the 16th Sept. so will have a week up tomorrow. As I said, it is not the days I want, days come and go as the breeze, not so sobriety.

Steely

Afterthought: I felt bad and ashamed until today when I realised that if I had relapsed with any other "disease" I would not hate myself, nor would anyone worth their salt judge me. How wrong would that be? I'd just work on getting better again. Good productive day today.

Astro

Just glad you made it back, Steely.

Steely

Thanks Astro. Late here and having hot milk with nutmeg on top. It went to the clappers so quickly. After the pride comes the fall but I'm back up, can't keep a good girl down. Thanks to everyone.

graced333

Good for you for climbing back up! You can do this!

Steely

Thanks graced. Felt too undone, ashamed and freaked out to get before now. Never again. Very freaky. My pride got in the way, didn't want to appear as a complete loser. But yes, I made it back.

graced333

you never were and never will be a loser. WE are works in progress. Stay on the path with me.

Steely

Thanks graced. A hard lesson, but a lesson learned. I'm back on track and have behaved stupidly I know. It is good to have friends.

We have an ex radio commentator here who has just been elected to the Senate on not too bad a platform. I have never liked him much but on some issues he has been very good, particularly around child sexual abuse, the environment, etc.

About 2 years ago he had a liver transplant as a result of alcohol abuse and swore publicly that he would never drink again. Well since his recent election he has started drinking again.

What an absolute kick in the face to the doner and the doner's family, and what an absolute indicator of the power and madness of alcohol. If I were the doner's family ........ This emoticon does not do justice.

Steely

Edit: Its good to feel support, and what happened to me can happen to the best of us. I think doner is spelt donor. Spelling OCD.

Blacky

Steely

Too deadly Blacky. Far preferable to the ak ak guns which give me double PTSD. So frightening.

Have just drawn myself a hot bath and am again drinking hot milk with nutmeg after returning home from having a cataract removed from my right eye. Have also procured some money, so food in the fridge and fags on the coffee table. The flat is clean.

The anaesthetic they gave was the type that puts you into the Twilight Zone and I was seen to be raving onto the surgeon about Left Wing politics and this cruel, cruel world, luckily he agreed with me.

He has the very fortunate name of Dr Dance which he said is of German/Jewish origin but anglicised to fit with this cruel, cruel world. He did a top job.

Have a week up today (Friday) and feeling heaps better. Physical WD is one thing, but the mental anguish is what destroys me. I destroy myself in fact, but don't want to do that anymore, I'm a big girl now.

And now to soak in my bath, and a night without anguish.

Steely

Successful return from follow through appointment with the Eye Hospital today, Saturday.

Good old Dr Dance said that everything was healing well and on examination said I now have 20/20 vision in my right eye. This, coupled with the fact that my blood is picking up 100% oxygen (even with chest infection) makes me a very happy camper. When you feel as crook as I did it's great to get a good health report for once.

About 10 years ago I bought a pair of antiquated kids eye glasses from the op shop. They have just been sitting in my drawer, and though I looked at them from time to time, didn't really know what to do with them outside of imagining they were what inspired John Lennon and his groovy pair.

Because I was so happy and grateful for having my eye repaired I took them in to Dr Dance as a token of my appreciation.

He opened them and said, "Wow, they can go in the glass cabinet", where they display old opthamalogical instruments and paraphernalia. So what began as a simple op shop purchase many years ago now sit in the glass cabinet of the Sydney Eye Hospital.

I am part of history...bit of a stretch, but it made me feel happy, and gave weight to the old Shakespearean quote that, "the quality of mercy is not strained, it dropeth like the gentle rain from heaven...." forget how it goes, but finishes with something about "'Tis better to give than to receive. Tis true. Fair dinkum

Feeling heaps better and anxiety abating. I now know that I would rather feel (just) my generalised angst than the horrific angst attached to my drinking.

Am about to attach my gift to the Eye Hospital and I'm holding the view that they belonged to John Lennon's grandfather as a child. Imagine.

Steely

Hmmm...

Steely

I reckon these did belong to John Lennon's grandfather as a child

Steely

It was my neighbour friend's birthday and she loves peanut M&M's and as you know, she is a guitarist. I occasionally call her Bluey, the guitar is blue, and she was really wrapped. When you turn the lever it only delivers one M&M haha

Also book, and clear plastic kangaroo eggcup. Marsupials bear live young so egg in pouch looks cool.

Watching "RAGE" showing early Australian rock garage bands. Good being sober. Alice Cooper just arrived.