ScoobyWoo

Hi, I have not been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, but it is pretty clear to me that I suffer from some form of it. I have a particularly strong fear of negative social evaluation from others (probably due to a history of being ostracized, feeling belittled, etc.).

When I first started recovering, AA meetings felt like "home," and I didn't have to worry about feeling out of place. But now I am avoiding meetings because I do not want to have to deal with the people there. I feel like I don't belong (even though I have little reason to believe this). Part of this is reinforced by the fact that I got sober at a young age (22), and most of the alcoholics in the rooms in my town are much older. I know what glues us together is our shared experience of the inability to stop drinking when started, but I still can't help but feel out of place.

I worry that this anxiety is going to affect my recovery, but I have a strong aversive reaction to people... like competing motives to both protect my self through AA but also avoidance. It's been like this for about a year now (I recently moved to a new area of the country). Thank god I am still sober. Any tips on getting myself out of this?

newman23

Are there more meetings you can explore? I know the feeling. I went to many different meetings until I found one that just clicked, with many( not all) around my age, a bit older, etc. I really enjoy it and decided to make it my home group and work from there. Do you live in a big area? I'm in a city/urban area and there are 100s of meetings throughout the week, I'm not sure if this is the same where you are.

Once I made it my home group, we have group meetings where we talk about service positions and group purpose once a month. I just volunteered to be a greeter which allows me to introduce myself to many people and that can be a foot in the door for me. Maybe if you found a group you clicked with or got a service position could be of help as well?

ForeverANewGuy

Thank you SoobyWoo....I'm not alone! I remeber feeling right at home the first few weeks in AA and now 7 months later I Do Not Want To Go Anymore. The thing is I just got a home group and plan on only showing up on FFridays. It's a popcorn meeting where someone shares then picks the next person to share. So I see it as being forced to share. When I sit there anticipating being called on though, I start freaking out internally. What am I going to say! What are they going to think of me! Panic starts to creep in. After I do say my piece on the topic I pick someone and the meeting goes on. No one burns me at the steak, pretty cool.
Exrecise has been helping as well as SR and talking to people one on one about my fears (the few times I've had the balls)
I'm also considering counseling but I haven't figured out how to pay for it yet.
Thank you for the post
I hope I helped out somehow
Good luck

HJIK

Maladaptive behavior is a type of behavior that is often used to reduce one's anxiety, but the result is dysfunctional and non-productive. For example, avoiding situations because you have unrealistic fears may initially reduce your anxiety, but it is non-productive in alleviating the actual problem in the long term.

I get the catch 22 of social anxiety and going to meetings, I was lucky to have found one friend that goes to alot of meetings so I didn't have to walk into a room full of strangers alone so I guess that's my advice is to find a "forward blocker" friend to get you in the door.

Read the literature so you can speak AA , watch the news read the paper to be up on current events to help with the small talk.

I had really really bad social anxiety when I started meetings and it actually did mostly go away. I did not think it was possible, I really didn't.

HJIK

I don't know how but exercise really does help, I notice a huge difference if I stop doing it for a week.

Joe Nerv

Interesting how we let irrational fears get to us. I was 23 when I came around, and had the opposite feeling. I was uncomfortable around my peers, and purposely chose the meetings with older people. They felt a lot safer.

Regardless, in early sobriety, I'm not too sure how important "fitting in" really is. Of course we want to be comfortable, but maybe you can gain something by shifting your focus just a little. I was told my first few years to hit as many bigbook and step meetings as I could. By doing this, my focus was on the tools of recovery, as opposed to the social aspect of meetings, and I believe that helped things to fall into place on their own. The tools are what help us to overcome our fears and phobias, not "hanging out" part of the meetings.

Also, once I did start to make friends it became a lot easier. Just one friend actually, in the beginning. I would go to meetings with him, and it just made it much easier to be around others. You might want to try reaching out a little and going to different meetings together with someone else. I still sometimes feel out of place when I go to a meeting alone. I do my best to accept it as opposed to fight it.

nicole100

I'm really relieved to know I am not the only one who experiences anxiety at and about meetings. I somehow got myself in a carpool situation with a group of older women last week. They all knew one another and some had been friends for 30+ years. I started overanalyzing it and thinking my only social group would become a group of single, older women and I panicked! I mean having a drinking problem is bad enough but if that was all I had to look forward to! omg!
Then they were talking about all these people in AA and how so and so met some guy "in the rooms" and I nearly lost it. I just panicked completely--thinking is this IT??? Also, feeling so low even now--I gained a lot of weight last year from drinking and being depressed -- and I just don't feel like I used to. and I started to even question how I could even FIND a guy in AA. My mind was a MESS.

I see that I am creating problems and issues that don't exist. Its just my fear and my anxiety and me feeling uncomfortable with how I look now. I need to work through it. I need to forget what I "used to be" and how I "used to look" and all of that.

I know I am on a tangent. It has really been bothering me today.

sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe.

I need to focus on doing the right things and like someone said....exercise DOES help a LOT.

sorry for the long post that may not even make sense.

TigerLili

My friend has social anxiety that makes going to meetings for him very difficult. I have said I will go with him any time and I make a point of introducing him to people I know. It's really hard for him. I don't think it's uncommon.

I don't like having to talk to strangers at meetings, but I make myself do it. I went to a meeting yesterday that was advertised at the wrong time, so I was half an hour early. I just went up and sat down next to the only other woman there and initiated a conversation. A short time later, another woman came in who happened to be in very early sobriety and one of the guys pointed her in our direction, so we ended up having a chat while we waited for the meeting to start. I can force myself out of my comfort zone if I need to. I don't like it though. The other option is to stay home and drink myself into oblivion and that's no longer available to me.

I don't have to like AA for it to work. I tolerate it and push myself to talk to people and to listen to others. I volunteered for a service position and it alleviates my discomfort if I have a purpose. I set up the tea/coffee/cookies, pack it all up at the end and clean the area. I help pack down the meeting room and I took the vacuum cleaner out of the hands of one of the guys becasue it was clear a newcomer wanted to talk to him. Being busy and organised is one of my coping mechanisms.

jrfranken

I'm glad I found this post because I just joined today and was going to ask the same thing. I'm 22 and got sober 43 days ago. I'm an alcoholic and was prescribed Xanax which I just got off a month ago. I'm going to an outpatient program and have the same intense anxiety. The anxiety is weird too because I want to be left alone while at the same time feeling left out. It also isn't helpful when you see people who don't have one bit of anxiety in there as well. I guess I don't have very much advice except to say that I workout everyday and that seems to help and also I let a few people know in my group that I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety and people won't thing you're odd for saying it and usually have good advice. Its nice to know that someone has the same problem. I wish the best for you and I'm sure it will get better.

MariahGayle

Hi Scooby Woo - I have just started working in a workbook suggested by my counselor "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmond Bourne. There is a whole chapter on Social Anxiety. A lot of great information in the book & it is a workbook which provides exercises to help us understand what is going on with us when we have those feelings. I ordered it through Amazon....much cheaper that at the book stores. My counselor told me last week to jump right in the "Mistaken Beliefs" chapter. I'm feeling hopeful that if I don't just let it sit on the coffee table & I practice the suggestions...I can deal with this thing. Hugs to you

LifeRoad

Lots of social phobia for me. If you have a therapist you do feel comfortable with, it might make the meeting more meaningful. My mantra is I focusing on who I become. The group needs to put enough pressure on you to grow, but also be a role model of the kind of person you want to be. You may need to find the right match and grown new skills. A good therapist would be someone who helps you stay on coarse with your chosen goals.

dynarider1233

ScoobyWoo,

I know the feeling completely. I have anxiety issues and to some form it is socially related. I am a very happy and social person when I go out and meet many people, but my anxiety stems from my work in the military. I don't like the type of people I work with and it has cause me to develop a serious problem at times with panic attacks. I too myself went to AA meeting where I was usually the youngest person there and I was 27! At first I thought I didn't belong I was too young but then realized that all the age and sobriety in the room would benefit me more than going to a "hip" young person meeting. Ive been to those while I was in treatment and it never fails to realize that those young meetings are a "social gathering" and not so much for sobriety. And sobriety is what we need. Too much drama breaks out with the young people with immature officers and speakers who are typically the "cool kids" of the group. Hang in there. Do what's best for you but give those old salts a chance. The old people meeting eventually became my home group and I refer to some of the men and women there as aunts and uncles now.

2muchpain

I know what you mean by social anxiety. There are some days where it is no big deal, but their are others where the anxiety is so intense, I just want to rush home. I have a real hard time being around large groups of people. This affects me not only at AA meetings, but shopping, going to the gym, work, etc. This might seem wierd, but when I'm really anxious, the only way I can go to meetings, etc., is to mentally block everybody out and just focus on why I'm there. At meetings, I focus on the person running the meeting. The more I look around, the more anxious I get. I will look at the people sharing, but nobody else. Strange, I know, but it works for me. I also work out a lot. That really helps to calm me down. I hope things get better for you.