Social anxiety preventing me from meetings
Hi, I have not been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, but it is pretty clear to me that I suffer from some form of it. I have a particularly strong fear of negative social evaluation from others (probably due to a history of being ostracized, feeling belittled, etc.).
When I first started recovering, AA meetings felt like "home," and I didn't have to worry about feeling out of place. But now I am avoiding meetings because I do not want to have to deal with the people there. I feel like I don't belong (even though I have little reason to believe this). Part of this is reinforced by the fact that I got sober at a young age (22), and most of the alcoholics in the rooms in my town are much older. I know what glues us together is our shared experience of the inability to stop drinking when started, but I still can't help but feel out of place.
I worry that this anxiety is going to affect my recovery, but I have a strong aversive reaction to people... like competing motives to both protect my self through AA but also avoidance. It's been like this for about a year now (I recently moved to a new area of the country). Thank god I am still sober. Any tips on getting myself out of this?