Carlotta

Hi

I was not sure whether to post it in alcoholism or friends and family but I had a very bad anxiety attack today which basically crippled me. I ended up going to bed and just woke up. I feel better but still a bit anxious.
It really spooked me too because that's the kind of anxiety I felt before I started self medicating with alcohol. I had not had one like that since before I quit drinking. Anyway, I know the trap and I did not feel like drinking so that's good.
Here is the summary of what happened this morning and led to it I'd appreciate any feedback:

I woke up with my allergies acting up and I was also worried about my best friend. I have had to go no contact with him since he started using crack and detaching. I kept thinking about him being on a binge (since it s the 3rd) and not paying his bills. Did my Al Anon readings and felt better.
I have started doing a couple of house cleaning gigs on the side for extra $ and had a new client. Since my allergies were really bothering me, I bought a claritin at the convenience store.
I come to this person's house, she was still in her nightgown and totally rude to me before I even got a chance to start. I told her I did not think it would work out (by that time my anxiety was mounting and since I am doing this for extra money, I have a choice of working with someone or not) and went to leave. That bitch tried to say that I was taking her coat!!!
I was like: excuse me? This is my coat and see my cell phone and keys are in the pocket. I could not believe she tried to accuse me of stealing !!! (I knew something was wrong there and I am so glad I turned down the gig).
Well once I got on the bus to go back home, my anxiety was really really bad, breathing heavily sweaty palms and a feeling of up pending doom.
I did not know what to do (I don't keep anything stronger than aspirin at home) so I tried to regulate my breathing and meditate then decided to go to bed and just sleep.

So I am not sure what brought that anxiety attack, I have been sober since January 2013 with no problems (no anxiety, a very quiet av).
Not sure if it was my codependency and worrying about my friend, the claritin pill I took for my allergies >I never take those but I could not show up for a job with the sneezes and a runny nose< or that woman trying to get away with treating me like dirt.

I hope it is a freak thing because like I said I used to have them quite often right before I started drinking in 1999 and it was awful.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

chicory

Charlotta,
whew, what a day. what a lot of things on your mind, with your best friend doing something so detrimental to his health. That in itself would be enough to make me worry no end. Crack, for petes sake, pretty deadly stuff. It would be hard to put worry out of your mind, to detach.

If you;ve never taken Claratin, it can make you feel a little different. I have had anxiety, and on top of that, adding a bit of altered state, it would make it worse, for me.

That lady must have made you feel like you were in the Twilight Zone. ugh. Glad you had options there.

I guess your only option with your bf is to detach, which really stinks. I am sorry, but I bet the anxiety might have been a bit chemical, and it will pass. But your anxiety over worrying for your friend, its understandable. try to remember you can only take care of you, and you must. I do hope your friend comes to his senses soon.

hugs
chicory

least

Dee74

(((carlotta)))

d

Carlotta

Thank you guys, I woke up late this morning and I am feeling much better >sinuses still kicking my butt though<.
I mentioned taking claritin to my boss and he told me that he did not take it because it made him feel woozy and that he takes zyrtec (spelling) instead. Hopefully that was a one time thing and yes, I don't care what the Al Anon readings say but having to detach and go no contact sucks
I really don't talk too much about what is going on in the F&F forum because they have some brand newbies who live with abusive alcoholics and it does not look good that I am still struggling with my codependency after all those years in Al Anon.
I have to take care of me first and not just because of my alcoholism but also because I have only myself and if for some reason I was unable to work I'd be in deep trouble.
Hiding in bed for a day (which was my day off) was ok but this absolutely cannot become a routine ...well I am projecting. Hopefully it won't happen again but if it does I will have to figure out something. Anxiety meds like xanax are absolutely out of the question, so is drinking and I already meditate and do service.
Thanks for the hugs ****}}

Mango blast

Carlotta, I would suggest posting in F&F as often as you'd like. People take from it what they will. The newbies (including us as we were ) often have blinders on anyway. I would look at your post and see not failure, but truth. It's hard to change. There are tough choices to make. This doesn't happen overnight, but there is good within it. Being a whole person takes a lot of work and whether we get there or not, we all need to be accepted -- flaws and all. Each.one.of.us. As I'm finding out more each day, we're each of value as we are, not only that "someday" version we'd like to strive for.

I hope you've been feeling a lot better this past week!