Music

If you don't believe there's anything out there more powerful than you are, you are in trouble. Funny thing is, you're coming to a website and asking people who, for the most part, do believe in a power greater than themselves, how to get out of the mess you're in. Think about it!!


If you concentrated as much on trying to work the steps as you are on killing yourself, you might be able to string some sober time together. Of course, you can keep on the way you're going and chances are you'll be dead and won't have to worry about anything, that is if you aren't just jerking all of us around.

Soul Catcher

So lets see...AA is out. You have a some excuses why you can't get help. You want to drink but don't know how. You have had alot of advice but you don't take it.
You would rather cut yourself and drink and kill yourself because you think you deserve it. However you can not remember your childhood or teenage days....you don't think you've already punished yourself?
You only have TWO options. Drink and die.......or........go into a facility and learn to quit.
Life doesn't have to be mortgages and debt.
Not all wanderers are lost.
You need to go to someone who will teach you how to live a new way. I lived it your way and thought what you did however I didn't get big time in to the heavy drinking but I did think life couldn't offer me anything fun without drugs or alcohol in it. Now I have three children who changed my life in so many ways. I NEVER thought I would be a mother let alone go to PTO meetings and plays. I used to drink and party and was known as the fun chick. I would say "I never want kids" even though in my heart I did. I was "protecting" myself.
I think you need to get in tune with yourself and find out what you want for yourself. What do you like?
By the way. Have you read "a million little pieces by James Frey" Check it out. You may find your alike in some ways.

brigid

sober - yeah!!! good stuff, that's the way.

Hey, I have been the shyest person on the planet. Even in my school photos I tried to hide. I think it is because I can see stuff in people and I don't want other people to be able to read me. But heaps of people are more worried about themselves than they are in me.

If it does take 10 years to go through the 12 steps how old will you be? I know you think that life is nearly over, but I am 43 and my life is only half way through. Mortgages and stuff, well imagine the way you will feel looking after your own place and garden and pets (yes you would be able to look after pets), it isn't so boring.

Keep reading, there are lots of references to good books on this site, if AA is not for you, find something that is, there are heaps of ways to quit. You can do it, you can have a life that you like, you can like yourself, you can talk to other people.

keep posting!
love brigid

Lawry

Hi Richey,

I'm not going to bang on about AA but I heard someone say recently.

"If you don't believe in a power greater than yourself, go and stand in front of a bus".

I thought it was amusing but it does illustrate something. I also heard a lot of people say they pray even though they don't have any idea to what or whom they're praying. Even so, some of these people have been sober for decades.

Like you I have a lot of trouble getting to grips with AA principles but one thing I do know is that I can't do this alone. Hence it naturally follows that either a) I'm going to die of this disease or b) I'm going to successfully quit with the help of something and whatever that something is I guess could be called a higher power.

Take care Richey. Keep coming back here even if you don't feel like it. It might feel right now as though you don't have a lot in common with people here but you do.

Lawry.

bahookie

Em, no Richey.

You cheered me up simply by being alive and well enough to type.

I am relieved that you are not dead, because although you don't believe it, you have worth.

and yes, I will give you a hug

Jane
xxxx

Time2Surrender

You can overcome your shyness.But if your always loaded,chances are nothing will ever change.Things will just keep getting worse.

Thats a start.One day at a time.One hour at a time if nessesary.You can do this if you really want to.Dont let life pass you by.

fadeaway

Richey,

If your looking for support, you've come to the right place. Everyone here has had experience with what you're going through, including me. I'm still struggling with drinking, and everyday I can find an excuse to drink if I want to. Sadly, for most of us, drinking used to be fun. Not anymore. You sound to me like its not that fun for you anymore either. I would give the AA meetings in your area another try. What I do know about this disease is that it keeps telling you to wait until tomorrow to try and sober up. I can't tell you how many times I've done just that. I know this may have not been that much help, I just wanted you to know that there are others like myself that are trying to quit too that are listening. Good luck man.



Fade

splendra

Come on (((Richey))))

It's like walking a trail there is lots of "stuff" on this trail...some of it is a lot like poop in fact it is poop another word for poop is $hit. You don't have to reach down and pick this poop up. You learn how to identify poop when you see it and then you can make a choice to walk around it or step over it but, as you have identified that it is poop you know that you do not want to touch it....then as you walk down the trail avoiding picking up the poop you will notice that there is not as much poop as there used to be cause in reality the poop is yours ((((Richey)))) and you learn that when you poop you flush the toilet and then you move on down the trail. Hope this makes you smile ((((Richey)))))

SPF 77

Sorry I just wanted to step in here really quick and say something.

I'm fairly spirtual, and I can agree that I think people who do have more "faith" in a higher power are overall happier in life. Personally I do think there is a higher power of some kind...just because of certain things I have experienced

However I dont like when people start to come in and try to PUSH spirtuality on others. People need to discover this kinda stuff on their own terms..and when you start to FORCE them to discover it...well first of all you turn them off even more, and second of all...you just can't respect someone who does that.

Anyway just my two cents....


Richey...good to hear from you again...keep up the sobriety.

wren

Richey -

the world might be equally beautiful and nightmarish. i've found, though, that however scary or nightmarish it may be when you're sober, those aspects are magnified tenfold when you're addicted to alcohol.
i figured....well, i'll be able to deal with the scary parts easier and enjoy the beautiful parts more once i become sober. (if you're buddhist, you might believe that it's all the same.....that can also be liberating)


wren

Chy

The help you need is within Richey. It's there, I promise.

Chabroso

Richey I'm glad you're back but your posts did not make me happy. I am sorry that you are in the state you are in and as an animal lover I am so very sad about the death of that little puppy.

No one is ever going to invent a cure for you. You have to do it yourself. You will have the support of AA and this forum but we can't do it for you. You need to get honest with yourself.
No one ever said getting sober and clean was easy. You have to put effort into it. Going into rehab and coming out to start drinking and drugging will never do it for you.

Most of us go through a personal hell getting sober. It takes guts and determination. We need to face the consequences of what we have done.
As long as we go back to the bottle to block out the horror of it all we have the perfect recipe for more of the same, or worse horror to come.

What effort are you prepared to put into getting sober? Any less than 100% won't work. So what if you didn't like AA. That's no big deal but I will bet you saw a number of sober people there and they didn't do it easy either. These AA people will do all they can to assist you. All you have to do is ask.

Get off the pity pot. You are sick because you are making yourself sick. It's not bad luck, it is self inflicted. Go back to AA and stick it out. Whether you like it or not you are bound to learn a few things about getting sober if you stick around.

I hope you do take some positive action in getting sober. It beats the alternative.

Richey

Oh, how ******* inspiring! I come here and you tell me I might as well chuck myself in front of a bus if I don't believe in a higher power! How am i meant to want to get sober if you're telling me I might as well kill myself because I don't want to live my life like you! It's ****** up when I come to this place and it makes me want to drink MORE!

bikewench

You know what I've realized for myself Richey...

the thing I DON'T want to hear... and the things that make me angry when I hear them....

gosh a mighty...

I don't want them in my face cause it's the TRUTH...!

What is the greatest enemy of addiction...???

The TRUTH.!

People that have faced their own truth are willing to call out those who haven't .

I'm sorry the truth wants to make you drink.

Quite frankly my sweet friend...
I think you'll use any excuse to use... anything...


So.. it's not a matter of one of us saying the magic words that are going to make you want to live this life you've been given...
or saying the truthful words that are going to give you just one more reason to tank your life...


it's your life... all the way

you do as you will.

You keep coming back here Richey...

what you think we're gonna tell you sweety...??

MagdaM

hello there. i don't know you, but i saw you post here one time when i was posting here--so i took a read. truth is i've been wallowing quite a lot myself recently. like you (or so it seems) i don't have a ton of support irl. but like you i found my way here--to a place where people say things might get better. which is more than i have heard to my face in as along as i can remember.

you're resisting what everyone is trying to say. i couldn't see it just yesterday either because it all does sound like bullsh*t when real life looks like a nightmare. but i think what people are trying to say is that look--we've obviously f**ked up quite a bit no? nothing works--except maybe death and neither of us would know would we? so something else has to give right?

i know for a fact i can't deal with my life. i feel like i'm dying and i'm scared to death. i know i can't do much more.

but there are some good people out there i think. these people here come on this site every day and listen to bitches like you and me whine our asses off--do you think that's fun? but they want to help. i've heard one or two people's stories here--and they don't have it much better than me. i know some people here have been through more than i could have--older know more things about life. and they lived right? so there has tpo be something else. if i'm too weak but things might still give then there has to be something besides weak angry pathetic me. it's hard to believe in any kind of goodness.

but i think people are just trying to let you know that its out there. i couldn't see how stubborn we are being until i read your thread. when people talk to me i just argue and wallow--like you. maybe go read someone else's thread and you will think about things better. idk.

i hope you are okay one of these days too alright?

--m

Music

I know exactly what you mean SPF. I didn't want to hear what I needed to hear either. I thought I was my higher power but then I thought, "if I'm so damn powerful, why can't I control my drinking. Why is my life so ********* up?"

And....

Richey Oh, how ******* inspiring! I come here and you tell me I might as well chuck myself in front of a bus if I don't believe in a higher power! How am i meant to want to get sober if you're telling me I might as well kill myself because I don't want to live my life like you! It's ****** up when I come to this place and it makes me want to drink MORE!

Richey, the sooner you stop playing games and start coming here to get answers instead of attention, the better off you'll be. A lot of people have taken the time to post back to you offering to share themselves and their ESH and the best you can do is nit pick on stuff that offends your poor ego. If you don't like what's being said to you, don't ask for help. After all, you're in such good control of your life, you should be able to figure this out on your own.

Lawry

Hey Richie,

I guess that was my post you were replying to. The first thing I want to say is don't disappear. Even if you hate everyone on this forum right now, don't leave as you'll only be shooting yourself in the foot. I obviously don't want you to stand in front of a bus, it's more a statement to widen perspective on what a higher power can be. Anything more powerful than you basically. A bus, the Sun, a nuclear reactor, all these things are more powerful. For me the higher power is just an expression used by alcoholics to describe the wide variety of things which help them stay off the booze. For me it's the community of recovering addicts, that's it. You could say there's nothing spiritual in that or you could argue there is. Who cares. All I know is that only by spending time with other addicts whether virtually in these forums or in meetings of some kind (AA, SMART, whatever) will I stand any chance of remaining sober. That's what it is for me. I don't really call it a higher power but in AA terminology that's what it is. Because it keeps me sober, which is something I can't do alone.

Stick around Richey. As another member said, it might be better to read more and post less initially, whatever you feel like. One thing you will notice if you read posts on these recovery forums is the amount of people who tried recovery and left for whatever reason and didn't come back for a very, very long time.

Lawry.

Lawry

Straight after posting I read another thread, which contained the following quote. Kinster, I hope you don't mind me quoting you here.

"Last time I faltered it cost me another year cause I thought what the hell I've had one whats the point in trying to start again. So here I am a year later wishing I'd realised I'd had a slip but hey get back up on get back on with life!"

Richey

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to go off at you guys...I just want NOTHING to do with AA and that includes higher power talk. Please respect that. I want help and there must be forms of help that aren't the AA...from what I'm hearing AA isn't even that successful...it certainly wasn't for me!

minnie

So, alternatives.

Ask your doctor.
Ring Drinkline on 0800 917 8282 (Mon-Fri 9am-11pm, Sat/Sun 6-11pm).

Go back to the detox place you went to a while back.

Contact your local Drug and Alcohol Team.

Call Alcohol Concern on the Information Line : 02079228667.

Call Turning Point on 020 7702 2300

That took me 3 minutes on NHS Direct. Your choice.