CDr55

I apologize in advance. I hope that one of these days I can make a positive post on these boards. I just feel as though I do not know what to do. I've been drinking every night for quite some time now. The sad thing is that no matter how bad I feel the next day, I feel as though I am just not ready to quit. At the same time, I wonder how much deeper I need to dig. Long before I started drinking, I have had issues with depression and anxiety. It seems that no matter how many good things happen, I focus on the bad. Also, I am scared of everything. It is like I never stop worrying, and I feel that I cannot stop. I've been to counseling, on medication, you name it. I've also been to AA. I never leave the house until later in the day, because I am usually so hungover that I need a massive amount of time and pampering to get ready. I just do not understand why I live in this insanity. I know that I need to start changing my life, but I just do not do it. Has anybody ever gone through this?

Anna

Hi CD,

I went through something very similar. I have suffered with depression/anxiety since my teenage years, but for the longest time, didn't know what was wrong with me. I sought help, doctors told me I wasn't depressed. At about age 45 I was at the end of my rope and began self-medicating with alcohol. That horrible experience lasted for 3 years. Finally at that time I got the right prescription for me, after trying counselling, various meds, etc. I think I would not have been able to stop drinking with the anti-depressants I take. That was 5 years ago and I've never gone back.

I know how discouraging it can be to try to take care of your depression. This is just my opinion, but I might suggest trying different meds. For me I tried 3 different meds and then the third one at 3 different doses before it worked for me. Don't give up. You deserve a life free from anxiety/depression. I wish you well.

Love, Anna

doorknob

Hi CD,

My story is similar to yours except that I have fairly severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I don't have any answers as I am struggling myself, but I would say to keep on trying different things and don't ever give up.

Doorknob

lulu70

((((((((CD))))))))) I felt the same way for a very long time. I felt as though I was living a double life and that no one would ever understand how horrible it was to be me. Then I got so desperate that I finally asked for help--and REALLY took the suggestions given to me. Things are getting better now, one day at a time.

Hugs--

Ashes

Sounds so familiar...

I still have anxiety and depression, and if I forget to take my meds twice a day I will get a panic attack that feels like alcohol withdrawal.

I recently completed an "intensive outpatient" rehab thingy, and it helped a lot, but I still have issues. I have a regular 40 hr/week job, so I have to be careful, but I have screwed up in the past. Do you work full time? Part time? Anything to sort of force you out of the house in the morning (as much of a pain as it may seem) is really a good thing.

Best of luck,
ashes

michaelj

CDR 55,
Apart from the depression I experienced the same sort of inertia that you are suffering. I knew I needed to stop drinking, realised the damage I was doing to my health and my family but ploughed on regardless.
One day in January this year everything clicked into place and I realised it was a now or never moment. I stopped drinking then and there and remain sober to today. I just hope that you have such a moment and that you can see it through. Once you have arrived at the decision then you can do AA or whatever other form of support suits you.
Best wishes
Michael

CDr55

Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate it. This site really means a lot to me, even though I may not be in my best stage of recovery. After posting yesterday, I managed to stay sober last night. While this night is not going as well, last night was the first time I stayed sober on a Wednsday night in years. While I may not be ready to quit, I think it is better to have quite a few day one's in a month, as opposed to a couple of day one's (and that is it) for the year. I am self employed, and I am also a college student. While I do stay busy with those activities, it can be difficult to not let anxiety or depression get the best of me. As a note, I was also diagnosed with OCD, and that can affect a person miserably. I am starting to think that I honestly need to see a neurologist. I am starting to honestly think that the mental disorders that I was diagnosed with are a result of some type of medical or brain imbalance.

Millwallj

Thanks for your post - it reminds me so much of where I was at a few years ago.

I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, alcaholisim, and major depression.

I am free of all these things. I have little or no fear in my life. To get well this is what I done:

Went to AA
Went to a shrink (with an open heart and head)
read about OCD (only the latest, pschological research - I had to forget 'faulty wiring' and brain malfunction)

I attended AA meeting whenever I could.

I took everything at a slow and natural pace.

I took prozac.

If that sounds really hard, then think of the stress, the strain, the leg work, the mental effort, the hard work in drinking.

my recovery has been easier than my drinking.

it may look impossible.

you say your not ready? I said that. but then i realised, like a flash of lightning, that i had absoloutly no power, not one ounce, over alcachol. its logic. it really is.