drink again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
drink again
well I failed today I'm drinking and using tonight. maybe I need to go to rehab I feel so compelled to drink and get high. I fished weed I had submerged weed in toilet water then put in lake then when the ice melted I fished the weed out of lake wet out of a container, then intended to smoke toilet weed I found some I forgot I had and smoked that instead. If that isn't powerlessness I don't know what is. I'm also ironic chatting with the girl from work o.mn line I guess she wasn't offended at all. she said awe. leaving sober town on toilt weed said nobody ever.
David
David
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,430
If something isn’t working, try something else, right? Like Dee says, you sound like you’re in need of a hard reset- something to get you out of your cycle of misery. Is rehab an option? I know you were happy and grateful in your sobriety, I have to believe you can get back to that. Do whatever you can, you are worth every effort.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
last night was beyond awful I texted that ladie again and this time I said things of a sexual nature. woke up to text I don't remember writing. didn't remember what I wrote here last time even. the things I said were awful this time I am so ashamed of what I said. I was dry heaving at 3 am didn't even eat last night thank God I didn't eat. I feel beyond awful right now.
David
David
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
David - You have further proof of what happens every time you pick up. Why go any further. As bim said, stop digging.
Once you admit to yourself that you can't allow it in your system, you can begin to rise above what happened and heal. Let's do it.
Once you admit to yourself that you can't allow it in your system, you can begin to rise above what happened and heal. Let's do it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
We'll never have different results when we choose to experiment with it. We know where it's always going to take us. I hope you won't put yourself through this nightmare again, David.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
it's doesn't make sense I believed the fantasy about drinking but got what I always got,only it was so much worse. I hate who I become when I drink, I throughly hate the things I say. I said such lewd and horrible things to this nice girl and I feel so ashamed. I so badly want to make amends for my actions yesterday. this is not who I am or whom I want to be. it's not fun anymore just incredible sad. I don't know what i need to do differently to stay sober. I'm not going to rehab yet but if this keeps happening I'll go for sure. I really don't think It nessary I think last night needed to happen. this time was 100 times worse than last.
David
David
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
Whats done is done David.
Beating yourself up over and over, and thinking of yourself as a bad person, just makes it easier to drink again.
Amends will have to be made but as you're doing the 12 steps I think its right to wait until you hit that step.
At least talk to your sponsor about It.
D
Beating yourself up over and over, and thinking of yourself as a bad person, just makes it easier to drink again.
Amends will have to be made but as you're doing the 12 steps I think its right to wait until you hit that step.
At least talk to your sponsor about It.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by 100 
last night was beyond awful I texted that ladie again and this time I said things of a sexual nature. woke up to text I don't remember writing. didn't remember what I wrote here last time even. the things I said were awful this time I am so ashamed of what I said. I was dry heaving at 3 am didn't even eat last night thank God I didn't eat. I feel beyond awful right now.
David
David
I know you don't need any more warnings cos you know where this goes. But I felt it might be useful for me to relay my own experience and to caution you against exposing yourself to all of the pain I exposed myself to. You still have the chance to avoid most of it. Beating yourself up mercilessly is certainly pointless, though. If you're gonig to expend all of that energy on that you may as well just go to rehab. In fact, I think that would be a fantastic idea.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
well I found out today that my drunken texts got around work and everyone knows . my boss doesn't know yet. at this point I don't really care. I never acted this insane before I hate this illness. I'm so exhausted so tired,I'm truly done this is horrible. I haven't called my sponsor I'm just to ashamed afraid he's going to fire me. I feel so fragile and I couldn't take that right now. the idea of drinking/using makes me ill just thinking about it. I stay sober for good this is last time I will feel this way.
David
David
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
David - The person who sent those texts was not the authentic you. I turned myself into a different person when I drank - and some things I did horrify me to this day. It's terrifying how we lose our inhibitions. Not only embarrassing, but dangerous. We can't keep putting ourselves through this.
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