tidalwaves

I failed. I had two glasses of wine last night. I had thoughts that I can 'moderate' which is a thought trap, I know.

advbike

That naughty AV gets all of us. Don't listen to it. Shut it down immediately. Never give your AV a "seat at the table" so to speak, to discuss why having a drink might be a good idea. The rationalizations it can come up with are limitless. Just shut the thought off immediately and in one minute it will be gone.

Hevyn

Tidalwaves - I was convinced I could moderate. Just needed to use more willpower. It never worked once. Once it was in my system I never could be sure where it would take me. Dangerous.

fishkiller

Thoughts are thoughts and nothing more.
Thoughts of drinking without consequences is hog wash for folks who drink like I did.
In reality I personally cannot moderate nor would I want to. Sounds like torture.
All or none for me gus
None

Give up those thoughts and dreams of one day having a harmless martini on the beach while watching the sunset. Or whatever romantic vision of alcohol the AV puts in your head.
If you are like me that would turn into an empty bottle and pain and regret the next day and beyond.

You can do it but you have to want to not drink more than you want to drink

Dee74

If I could moderate I would have tidalwaves - instead I admitted that was not possible for me, and I ended up here on SR.

D

Evoo

For a long time, I had short stretches of sobriety (I think the longest was 6 months), but I never really committed those times to never drinking again. The very idea itself was too scary. So tucked away in my head during those times was my AV promising there was a “moderate drinker” at the end of the tunnel. Slowly I’d start with wine — and maybe the moderation would last a few months. It worked until it didn’t. Then all it would take is one bad hangover for me to be on a bender.

if you don’t commit, your AV has an opening and you *will* relapse. If you give your AV an inch, it will take a mile. Shut it down.

Patcha

We've all been there tidalwaves! Hop right back on the sober turkey! Gobble gobble! Don't give up because you stumbled at a hurdle. Keep going!

tidalwaves

Thank you guys. I'm committed to today! I'm going to post here and read some articles that inspire me, and make sure I stay away from triggers even though that essentially leaves me housebound. :/

tidalwaves

One of the hardest things for me is getting back into day one after I've stumbled or binged.

ScottFromWI

Yep, and unfortunately it gets harder and harder subsequent times. Having said that, withdrawals are finite - so the sooner you get started the quicker it's over.

tidalwaves

I don't actually seem to have any physical withdrawal symptoms, at least.

ScottFromWI

That is good to hear, it will allow you to get back into setting sober goals and making a plan that much quicker then, right?

Patcha

Well done tidalwaves!

Dee74

so whats the plan going forwards tidalwaves?

D

tidalwaves

I've been drinking two drinks a day. My plan is still to stop drinking, but I've just been so depressed and I know that's no excuse... so the plan is to get back to day one, and then take it from there. I welcome any tips or inspiration.

fishkiller

The sooner you put down the drink the sooner you will feel better.
Need to break the habit. It's much better without it.

Dee74

This is a good link about plans

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post5314914 (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

if you’re depressed, drinking is probably the worst thing you can do because in my experience drinking just makes you more depressed.

If you think this depression is a lasting problem please go and see your Doctor. It’s a far better way to go.

Not sure whether the two drinks a day is an attempt to taper or not but if it is, the idea of tapering is to keep cutting down to nothing.

my advice is to get started on a day one as soon as you feel able tidalwaves

D

ScottFromWI

Alcohol is indeed a central nervous system depressant, so drinking because you are depressed is kind of a catch 22. You are likely depressed because you are drinking. My only tip would be to stop drinking completely - if you were not having any serious withdrawals before then quit while you are ahead - the longer you wait the harder it becomes.

As far as inspiration, I can personally tell that quitting was one of the most important and best decisions I ever made. Yes it was hard at first but there is not a single facet of my life that is not better today than it was prior to quitting, with zero exceptions.

Delilah1

Hi Tidalwaves,

I am glad you are here and posting, the desire to be sober is the first and most important step!

Moderation was a theory I tested as well, I failed, and I tested it enough times to feel 100% confident in saying it doesn't work if you have a problem with alcohol.

If you are down to two drinks a day, cutting to no drinks should be something you are physically able to do. I can tell you what works for me. I have five years and seven months (Aug 1st) sober, and I can share that life has been so much better without alcohol, even the difficult days. The things that have worked for me are:

• Reading and posting her daily, two good groups are the Monthly Classes (join July of 2021 or August of 2021when it starts).
• Walking outdoors, the combination of exercise and nature helps me to clear my head.
• Mindfulness activities that keep me focused on the present moment really help. You cannot dwell on the past, only learn from it and make different choices. Worrying about the future only takes away from the present (this is one I still work on).
• Gratitude, this is a big one for me. I try to look at every situation with this lens. If you are sober today, that is a reason to be grateful, you can listen to your favorite song, thats a reason. Food, family, friends (in real life, or online), all great reasons to be grateful.
• Drinking is not an option, no matter what! I have remained sober through financial difficulties, the death of my mom and friends, stressful days with work, husband, kids... I did not allow myself to drink, instead I allowed myself to feel whatever emotion I was having at the time, rather than suppressing it.

You can do this!!!

Evoo

These posts resonate with me a lot. My bouts of "successful" moderation were painfully difficult. Alcohol was constantly on my mind - was always scared I was going to have too much, or too little, trying to find the "balance" and put all kinds of rules on drinking so that it would be "normal."

I'd moderate drinking for a month or two, then have a *really* bad night. Then moderate drinking for awhile, then have another bad night or weekend. Sure, my last few years of drinking weren't as bad as my worst days... but that's a very f'n low bar. And the voice telling me that I was "so much better than I used to be?" That was my damn AV trying to keep the addiction on life support.

You can do it, TitalWaves.