Graceful123

Hey Window,

I smoked some weed (very strong stuff) on my month 3 or 4 of recovery and that actually sent me into what I consider to be psychosis, it was a terrifying experience and I wanted to throw myself onto the road and all sort of nasty thoughts went through my head. I threw myself into a cold shower and was more or less ok (as ok as you get for month 3 of paws) about 20 minutes later.

I have not only not used weed since but I've actively avoided any weed smoke at all. I pretty much get out of the car as soon as anyone of my friends lights up.

The good news is it didn't seem to make my paws any worse, it was just that terrifying half an hour. After that I went right back into the same point in recovery.

window

Cheers mate, I appreciate this. Yeah it was also a bad experience for me and hopefully today is just some of the after effects which will vanish soon enough. Great to hear you remained on the right path after.

Introvrtd1

I was just about to post the same thing…feelin a bit depressed yet like theres some doom n gloom looming within me Im a few days shy of 7 months (my longest time sober in 2016). But like you, I’m looking for that one year mark so I can not only look at a small victory but Im curious to see how I’ve improved.

I hear ya adair…I’m feeling it too. Looking forward to shaking this off and having it go away for awhile.

Dee74

Did you get that tooth seen to CBS? Might be a connection there?

I dunno if it had any effect on your PAWs window but weed these days can be so strong it can leave people with depression, feelings of doom, anxiety and even paranoia.

It also hits the same receptors booze did, or at least it did for me.

D

Graceful123

@adair @Introvrtd1 both of you are doing great.

months 3-6 are the absolute worst. It’s a mix of not having put enough time into sobriety yet and at the same time the fact that it feels like you’ve been detoxing for so long and still feel like crap and you’re asking yourself “why?” And “is this worth it?”

It gets infinitely better by the one year mark. The next 6 months will be the big healing months.

you CANNOT give up now. There is no way back. You will suffer for some time still but you will come out at the end stronger and happier than you’ve ever been.

You feel exactly what I felt in month 6 and I know just how crappy that is. I hope you will take solace in these words

adair

Thanks @Graceful123 for the encouragement. Hearing the stories of those who have tread this path before gives me every confidence that things do get better. It just takes time.

I'm still in the throes of one of the down cycles (brain fog, dizziness, mental confusion) but am in no danger of giving up. To give my recovery a fair shot, I know I need at least a year sober. And knowing that any relapse will just reset the clock and I'll have to start the PAWS cycle all over again - no amount of short term 'pleasure' is worth this degree of agony.

Introvrtd1

I hear ya on that adair

Introvrtd1

Graceful you always did make so much sense to me…Thanks for the encouragement.

BettyP

I stopped smoking pot back in my early 20s because I started having anxiety and panic when I did smoke it, and in hindsight I had what was probably PAWS from quitting marijuana back then. I smoked quite a lot through high school and college and then quit abruptly, and I experienced a lot of panic and anxiety after I stopped and I thought at the time it was because I had “broken” myself by using pot (and LSD), but I eventually got through it and was better — but also I think moved on to alcohol being my drug of choice. Just doing searches for PAWS from this experience brought me to many pages of people experiencing PAWS from marijuana withdrawal, so it definitely wouldn’t be a drug I would try and lean on when recovering from alcohol. Although I can’t tell you how many people have told me to try “micro dosing” or that there are “all kinds of strains that are good for anxiety” - like okay, I’m all set haha. No disrespect to the people for whom marijuana works for as a medical product, but it’s not for me. Just trying to get sober sober over here!
Progress report over here is that my good days are getting very good - completely forgetting I have anxiety at all many days. And then every few days or so I will wake up and feel “off” and feel that same old weirdness and disoriented and general sense of dread. The arrow continues to aim in the right direction! Last night I wanted to come on and post about feeling pretty great and getting my confidence back, but this morning I am having an off day so - the battle wages on. I feel like at this pace I’ll probably feel pretty decent by a year and a half sober, and by two years be done done. Our poor brains! Keep up the good fight, everyone, and I hope you’re having some good days and a decent weekend!

BettyP

I meant to add that throughout this battle I've been always trying to push push push the limits of what I can do, mentally and sometimes physically. Part of it is because I just didn't want to believe that I could be going through this, another part of me being impatient and wanting to force recovery to be over. And a third part was me trying to say "hey this is what life it like now and you just HAVE to get used to it." Now that I've had a few weeks of feeling pretty good on and off, I just want to say that it's okay to not be ready and able to do some stuff - your normal self will return. I didn't believe deep down that the symptoms would "fade away" over time, but really they do. You don't have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else by pushing past what feels ok - recovery is coming in it's own time. It might be excruciating in how long it's taking, but we will all get there. Like if it doesn't feel ok to go into a crowded grocery store because it's just too much, that's ok - there will come a time when that's not going to be a problem at all, and forcing yourself to do things doesn't make PAWS go away any faster. Just takes time.

Introvrtd1

Had a rough go the last couple weeks…And true to the other monthly milestones I’ve reached till now, this one was no different…7 MONTHS TODAY!!

Like most paws in my recovery it came around the time I expected it to…ran its course…then left me feeling better and stronger. Like each time it comes….it gets less intense and lasts not as long…But now and then, it still hits. ☹️

I relapsed at my 7 Month mark, back in 2016. Guess it was more of a celebration than a dedicated journey. I thought I was “cured” and could handle drinking in moderation but as usual, it escalated into out of control desires to intensify my satisfaction for dopamine. I was once again chasing that ‘High’.

It worked for awhile till the body, and brain had enough. The withdrawals and the paws between weekend binges became too much.

I just hope my resolve for continued sobriety remains strong this time and for now have no intentions to revisit the horrors I experienced during the first few months of that nightmare.



Stay strong everyone.

BettyP

Congratulations on 7 months, Introvrtd! You're awesome and doing so well doing a super hard thing. I found that my milestones were tough, too. But yes, each bad bout seems to give way to better and stronger. Unfortunately we need those crummy days and weeks to heal and spring forward. Keep up the amazing work - SEVEN MONTHS, you're doing amazing!

Vindawgs

Hey Graceful,

I found that later on in recovery (at least for me) one of the biggest symptoms is dealing with stress and how it affects me. I use to feel stress affect me more and more in my drinking days. But now during sobriety it really gets to me. It Makes my anxiety and restlessness flare up like never before. I'm wwiting for the days where I can actually relax during a stressful situation and not get worked up over little situations. Yesterday for me was a rough one as well. Today was a better day. Hope you are all having a great weekend.

Vinny

Vindawgs

Congrats on your 7 month journey Intro. Its a awesome time. You will start to see some real changes in the next couple of months. At 8 months for me was the time when I was actually able to get some work done. I had bad anxiety, restlessness and bad anhedonia with some depression and this is where I didnt get any breaks from paws but I definitely started to see some relief of symptoms. Recovery is not easy but it sure is rewarding. Stay sober friends. The light keeps getting brighter. God bless y'all.

Vinny

BettyP

I'm extra posting this weekend, but I'm having a couple of days of it uughh. I am just like always so surprised and aghast (I never use that word but it fits here) when there is a big setback and you get some symptoms you haven't felt in weeks. It's like I thought we were done with this crap?? No - gotta feel them at least a few more times. It messes with your head! This is when you feel like it's just never going to be over. This is when I go to the internet and read ten articles about PAWS to get to the part that says "this is temporary."

ant385

Keep fighting the good fight Betty I’m also getting slammed about again at 21 months out. Whoop. I’ve improved a lot though in that time. I haven’t cried in months. Always a good sign. Anxiety and brain zaps can be pretty unforgiving at times though. I do keep getting tempted to go see my psychiatrist and ask for pregabalin or gabapentin but will give it more time I think for now and see if I keep getting improvement. It does feel demoralising when you get slammed repeatedly after some solid windows of relief.

Vindawgs

Good morning Y'all,

Hows everyone feeling today. I personally am have a pawsy morning which kinda sucks. I felt it coming on like I usually do. I thought I could beat it by keeping busy and not putting much thought into it. But it got me. I was personally having a great weekend and my Monday started off feeling great. Then in the evening I felt it coming on. The clear headed feeling was great while I was clear headed. I didn't even think of paws and if I did I was like "wow this is amazing " . You feel reborn and you sorta know the feeling will come where paws sneaks up on you and just throws you into the horrible Spiral of negativity. Hoping to get clear of paws indefinitely and look forward to discuss it with everyone in this group . Be well and hope you all feel great. Have a great day guys.

Vinny

BettyP

Hey Vin - I'm so grateful for your post. Last week I had a string of like really amazing days, and I literally said to a few people that I "feel reborn." And then on Saturday morning I felt the old yuckiness creeping in. Felt pretty off on Saturday even though I was trying to push through it. Sunday felt pretty crappy too, but I was able to get through work ok and it was busy but I still managed to pull off pretty strenuous mental tasks (fast-paced serving the public). Yesterday, though, so much anxiety and the "dark" feeling as I have come to know it overtook me. I had to really grit my teeth through my shift and was feeling nausea and dizzy at times, clammy and spaced out, couldn't solve simple mental tasks and easily confused. Total loss of appetite the rest of the day. Probably the worst feeling string of days I've had in a while - some of the symptoms were those I haven't felt in months, like the nausea plus tingling in my foot and just weird body pains, and it has been really discouraging. I feel today like I might be coming out of it a little. I feel less dreadful, physically, at least. I've been falling off a lot with diet and this is a wake up call that I can't just eat whatever I want - I'm going back to strictly paleo for a few weeks.
Vinny - it's a wave. A crummy, no good, downright uncomfortable PAWS wave. We will have better days - usually after these bad waves we get very good days. But like you, I'm really looking forward to ZERO bad days. Just gotta stay sober. We can do this. So much strength and support going out to you and everyone else on the thread!

CBS62

Hey everybody. I am generally feeling pretty down. I’ve been really OCD about my health. I’ve had swollen glands and a very mild sore throat since May and had lots of test done and nobody can figure out why. I’m sitting here waiting to go into the doctor. Hoping to get a blood test because that’s what my oral surgeon wants me to do. I am going to have a tooth extracted at the beginning of September that’s broken and cracked. But the dentist has said that that wouldn’t cause my glands to be swollen on both sides.

Aside from that concern I haven’t been feeling very good as far as PAWS is concerned either. For a while I was having a day here and there where my rocking swaying dizziness would subside. But haven’t had a good day for a week when it comes to that. And I’m just wondering if this is ever going to end. And I still have the kind of internal tremor it feels like electricity is going through my body that usually starts in the afternoon and goes all evening. also having some Anhedonia and derealization.

There’s a lot of stress in my life for various reasons. It seems my mother has dementia and I’m about to go see her and haven’t seen her in a year and a half because of Covid. And she has really declined. It’s going to be a very emotional difficult visit. I’m gonna need to do a lot around her house to get things in order and try and set up caregivers etc.

We are taking the train to Florida but we will be in a sleeper car so will have some privacy. And hopefully won’t get exposed to Covid. We are fully vaccinated but the breakthrough cases worry me and Florida is really a hotspot right now.

I am trying really hard to stay positive and just keep moving forward and stay busy. But this is such a long difficult journey. And I just keep freaking out thinking that I have lymphoma or something. The OCD about my health really is a problem. And my anxiety specialist has been working with me. I guess it’s always been there but I just self medicated with alcohol and tamped it down pretty well.

Introvrtd1

I’m learning a lot about myself sober…In my 7th month…I’ve been experimenting and wondering why I feel so bad sometimes but I’m slowly starting to figure it out..,

7 months isn’t enough time (for me anyway) to be considered completely free of paws…I found that out a couple weeks ago as I was coming into my cycle for a new month sober. That, along with eating too much sugar only exacerbated the symptoms but the two conditions together put me in a real bad place.

After the paws cleared, I was also drastically cutting the sugar. Once all the symptoms improved, I did a little experiment…I treated myself with a little….just a little bit of sweets here and there while monitoring my body for symptoms of sugar binges….Yep… So far confirms sugar does affect my symptoms a bit so I know what to avoid and how much. I also want to avoid sugar and other foods that have the same affect right around the cycle of paws. This may definitely ease the paws symptoms should they pass through again. ☹️