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Doug39 UPDATE

Old 03-10-2019, 02:57 PM
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Doug39 UPDATE

Hello all - today I am 867 days sober.

My wife, who I drank with alcoholically with for over 20 years, moved out 6 months ago because she didn't like the sober version of me.

I will admit I was cold, distant and resentful because she was still drinking heavily. I understand her point that I didn't have a problem with her drinking until I stopped - it was ok for 20 years why is it wrong now?

I recently found out she is in the bars and with another guy - nothing is more pathetic than a 55 year old drunk woman in a dive bar.

I figure any guy that can stand to be around her will have to be as alcoholically sick as she is - any guy over 55 and single in a bar can't have much going on - and once he gets sex off her he will be gone anyway.

No nice guy is going to deal with her - she is a broken down drunk.

Our 22 year old daughter has disowned her - my wife's 37 year old son sees my wife maybe 3 times a year - and my wife has blocked me from text and email.

I pray she doesn't get hurt - she has a lot of trauma and pain that she stuffs down with alcohol - she refuses to get help because she claims she doesn't have a problem because she works everyday.
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Old 03-10-2019, 03:03 PM
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Hi Doug!

Iíve been wondering what youíve been up to. Congratulations on 867 days of sobriety!

The changes that happen in marriage after sobriety can be....sobering. Sometimes, I think I have a pretty good idea why I kept relapsing after so many years. Iím solidly sober now, and thatís what counts.

20 years of marriage ending, even with ambivalent emotions about it all, will take some sorting through. Wishing you peace in that process.
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Old 03-10-2019, 03:19 PM
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Nothing is more pathetic then a 21- 55 year old drunk Man or Woman in a Dive bar.
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Old 03-10-2019, 04:58 PM
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I'm sorry about your marriage Doug, but congrats on your sober time.
We all have our own journeys -I hope your wife will find her way,

D
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Old 03-11-2019, 07:36 AM
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Yikes. Kinda speechless. But congrats on your sober time.

I know that I'm a far more content person when I'm focusing on my side of the street, owning my actions and not judging others. Just keeps things much more simple.

I hope for your daughters sake that she and her Mom can figure a way back to each other. As a mother and a daughter I know how important a Mom can be.

Take care.
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Old 03-11-2019, 08:26 AM
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Thanks for cheking in Doug, and I would also congratulate you on your sober time, that's pretty amazing - especially in the face of the other issues around you.

That's definitely sad to hear about your ex wife, but i'm glad you and your family have set up safe boundaries from her behavior. Hopefully something will spark the desire in her to quit herself some day - but it does have to come from within.
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Old 03-11-2019, 08:43 AM
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It happens, I know of an alcoholic that's in and out of rehab and can't stay on the wagon - multiple DUI's, jail, job loses, evictions etc. A couple of his prior girlfriends over the years would beg him to stop drinking, so he would, then they would complain that he wasn't fun anymore!!!!
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Old 03-11-2019, 09:29 AM
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I will always remember you, because we got sober at virtually the same time. I used to check on your posts to see how things were going with you. Tbh, I don't think I could have stayed sober if I were in your situation, so my hats off to you. I had a feeling that something was bound to break, either you or the marriage. Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I am glad it was the marriage.

Hope things are now going better.
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:20 AM
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Congrats on your sobriety, Doug.

If you don't mind, my wife and I will say a prayer for her that she finds the resolve to get the help she needs and rekindles the relationships that really matter.

I can't imagine how hard that is. Glad you are staying strong for you and your family.
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:49 AM
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Thanks everybody.

Thanks to God, my AA sponsor and a large support group I am getting thru this without any real difficulty.

When my wife moved out 6 months ago it was such a massive relief not to have to deal with her drinking around me everyday - but I lost it a few weeks ago when I found out she was with another man.

I didn't want her and felt like no one else should have her either. Probably just my pride. I just want to win - I want her to be miserable and realize sobriety is the way to live. But my sponsor tells me I have won - I am happy and sober and she is miserable.
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Old 03-11-2019, 10:29 PM
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Thing is sheís still a person but so are you. Gotta take care of your self and you have done well itís good to hear your still sober and I hope things are ok otherwise.

This kinda stuff happens in relationships when one gets sober it can often change the dynamic so much so it doesnít always work out.

Iíve been fortunate in my case but Iíve had my bumps in the road too.

Hang in there sounds like thereís a lot of positives to this too however.
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Old 03-12-2019, 01:48 PM
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Doug ..........congratulations!! Yes, pride and ego have caused me a lot of pain as well. Thank God for the program, sponsors and the wonderful tools that help us get through the tough times. You could of course do a 4th Step on her. Big hug!
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Old 03-12-2019, 04:46 PM
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About the only thing I can say is it is quite common for someone who attains sobriety to become distant from others regardless of whether the others are drinkers or not. Many times, the new "sober you" is suddenly a stranger to those you have known for a long time. Marriages break up, friendships dissolve, children become estranged, etc. This is one thing to expect that should be mentioned at recovery programs. Perhaps it is, but I don't know personally since I quit 25 years of non-stop drinking on my own.

Like I heard somewhere, "keep your eyes on the prize". Move on and keep going until good is better, and better is best.
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Old 03-14-2019, 04:13 PM
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Alcoholism destroys everything it touches.
Hopefully she will seek out help.
Stay sober Doug. You're doing fine!
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Old 03-14-2019, 05:53 PM
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Congratulations on your sobriety!

I hope your wife finds here path to sobriety soon.
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