New perspective on my sobriety - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-11-2019, 07:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Jake1961's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 74

New perspective on my sobriety


Sober four and a half years, thanks in part to this forum and several members who reached out to me in the early days and weeks. I found a recovery plan that worked for me and am forever grateful that I stopped drinking when I did; I seriously doubt I would be among the living right now if I hadnít stopped in July of 2014

I had an ah-ha moment a couple of months ago, actually, more like a figurative slap upside the head. Iím a member of a service club and at a dinner meeting the members at my table started talking about the opioid crisis and addiction in general. One of the members there stated he is a long time recovered alcoholic and spent many years helping others get sober. Never knew that about him.

Afterward I said to him that I stopped drinking over four years ago and canít imangine going back to drinking. He looked me in the eyes, got a very serious look, and said he can imangine it and that is why he does not drink. I was taken aback at first by how direct he was then later realized he was right; I certainly messed up a lot of things due to my drinking and have taken responsibility for my actions, but lately I have ignored how bad it had been. A lot of denial on my part. He opened my eyes to it, like ripping a band-aid off a cut.

Nothing good ever came from my drinking and getting drunk every day. Imangining what it would be like to go back to drinking and those problems has made me even stronger in my commitment to never drink again. Iím not going back to that self-destructive lifestyle, ever.
Jake1961 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 28 Users Say Thank You to Jake1961 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), AtomicBlue (01-14-2019), August252015 (01-11-2019), Awake61 (01-11-2019), biminiblue (01-18-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dee74 (01-11-2019), Dropsie (01-11-2019), dsmaxis10 (01-24-2019), Ghostlight1 (01-11-2019), Guener (01-11-2019), Helianthus (01-18-2019), listae (01-24-2019), MantaLady (01-11-2019), Mrsbee (01-25-2019), Numblady (01-12-2019), NYCDoglvr (01-15-2019), Opivotal (01-11-2019), Outonthetiles (02-04-2019), Purpleman (01-21-2019), rascalwhiteoak (01-29-2019), Runswithspoons (01-12-2019), Soberwolf (01-15-2019), Suzieq17 (01-25-2019), topspin (01-14-2019), trailmix (01-17-2019), yinzer (02-04-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 08:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,111
Great post. I think about this a lot -- in a way, forgetting that we simply cannot drink. Thank you.
__________________
I can do hard things
Dropsie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dropsie For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), Awake61 (01-11-2019), Jake1961 (01-15-2019), listae (01-24-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 08:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 233
I went to a six week rehab program several years ago in my first attempt to quit drinking. One day I was talking to an older gentleman who had some sobriety in the past. He told me that he had quit drinking for ten years and decided to have a beer with the boys when his son announced his engagement.

I will never forget what he told me next. "As soon as that beer hit the back of my throat I knew I made a huge mistake". Sure enough he was completely off the wagon and couldn't stop drinking which led him to rehab.

The idea that ten years of putting in the work could be gone in an instant chilled me to the bone. I remind myself of that story all the time so I never get complacent in my recovery.
WeThinkNot is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to WeThinkNot For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), Awake61 (01-11-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Ghostlight1 (01-11-2019), Jake1961 (01-11-2019), listae (01-24-2019), MantaLady (01-11-2019), NYCDoglvr (01-15-2019), Purpleman (01-21-2019), Runswithspoons (01-16-2019), Suzieq17 (01-25-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 08:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Ghostlight1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,392
Yes, great post and reply.
I've got ten years sober and I come here every day. I do it not just to try and help others, but for myself.
I need to be reminded of what it's like out there.
I never want to forget or become complacent.
Thanks for the reminders.
__________________
I've seen the gutter feed on the foolish...
Ghostlight1 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Ghostlight1 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), Awake61 (01-11-2019), columbus (01-27-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Jake1961 (01-11-2019), least (01-17-2019), listae (01-24-2019), Outonthetiles (02-04-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 08:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
JeffreyAK's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
One thing that was drilled into me in rehab, and that I always keep in mind is, an event like taking a drink over your son's engagement is never the first action, it's the last action in a long chain of events that you will see and understand as they unfold, if you pay attention. And you will have many opportunities to turn things around before you take that final action of putting a drink to your lips. I think your acquaintance didn't have it quite right, he knew long before the beer hit the back of his throat that it would be a mistake, and he had ample opportunity to stop the thought process that he him to think he could get away with it given the right excuse, but he chose not to. A relapse starts long before the drink.
JeffreyAK is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to JeffreyAK For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), Chaz22 (01-25-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Jake1961 (01-11-2019), listae (01-24-2019), MantaLady (01-11-2019), MindfulMan (01-11-2019), Runswithspoons (01-12-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 01:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
No Dogma Please
 
MindfulMan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,522
I think it's important to remember the bad things and keep them on tap to play the tape if you ever get any kind of a craving. Also remind yourself of how good sober feels in comparison.

I had a similar experience as Jeffrey in outpatient rehab. They taught us that actually taking a drink is the end of a process, not the start of one, it's sometimes referred to as the cognitive processing model of cravings. This process can take minutes or months.
MindfulMan is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to MindfulMan For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), aasharon90 (01-12-2019), carlingford (01-25-2019), Chaz22 (01-25-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Guener (01-11-2019), Jake1961 (01-11-2019), JeffreyAK (01-11-2019), listae (01-24-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 03:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
Ocean Lover!
 
MantaLady's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 1,546
Great post Jake!
__________________


Rock Bottom: Multiple - Each one worst than the last!
Rehab: 11th June 2018
Sobriety date: 11th June 2018
MantaLady is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MantaLady For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 03:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 174,109
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks for the post Jake - and congrats on 4 and a half years

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 07:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 74
Thank for this post. 14 months sober and finding it hard to find a thread that relates to my current stage. So many threads that have been going for years or are from people new to sobriety...both which are great but not relevant to where I am now to feel connected. Im somewhat in limbo with my sobriety for lack of a better way to explain it. Itís just become a way of life and Iím not feeling concerned about a relapse but wondering if Iím being too complacent. I spent 30 years trying to quit and Iím only in my late 40s. If I couldnít quit for 30 years, why is it feeling so easy right now? Not sure what Iím trying to say but I appreciate the stories shared here.
MaggieJ is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to MaggieJ For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), Chaz22 (01-25-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Jake1961 (01-15-2019), listae (01-24-2019), Suzieq17 (01-25-2019), topspin (01-14-2019)
Old 01-11-2019, 08:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 2,348
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieJ View Post
Thank for this post. 14 months sober and finding it hard to find a thread that relates to my current stage. So many threads that have been going for years or are from people new to sobriety...both which are great but not relevant to where I am now to feel connected. Im somewhat in limbo with my sobriety for lack of a better way to explain it. Itís just become a way of life and Iím not feeling concerned about a relapse but wondering if Iím being too complacent. I spent 30 years trying to quit and Iím only in my late 40s. If I couldnít quit for 30 years, why is it feeling so easy right now? Not sure what Iím trying to say but I appreciate the stories shared here.
Hi Maggie, I will have 15 months at the end of this month. I am at your current stage.

I figure I canít spend my whole life worrying about taking a drink, or I wonít be living, Iíll just be obsessing. The long moments or days that I donít think about or imagine a drink are a gift to me, and the short periods or flashes where I do wonder about how long Iíve been sober and how that relates to my life or whether it has ďfixedĒ me (haha), because ďarenít I just healed now, itís been a long timeĒ...are slowly worked through in my head....no sassy, you drank like a crazy person, you terrified everyone, it was end stage drinking, it was a sh!tshow and it will return if you drink...and I go, oh, ok. I wonít sneak that drink when Iím out, I wonít take that drink with friends, Iíll continue on as usual and just keep going.
__________________
First day of freedom: 9/25/17
"A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean." Dr. Suess, The Lorax
Stayingsassy is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Stayingsassy For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-12-2019), Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), listae (01-24-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-12-2019, 03:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 543
Jake - Thanks - Great post!
AAPJ is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to AAPJ For This Useful Post:
Dropsie (01-12-2019)
Old 01-12-2019, 03:34 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
joandmelandhan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,447
Blog Entries: 4
Great post!
I just wanted to chip in and say hi to Maggy and Sassy
I too am at a similar "stage" (if indeed this thing follows any kind of pattern at all) and have been struggling with the thought that I have been slowly descending the relapse ladder recently. My self care has been slipping and as a result my vulnerability to an "eff it" moment feels like it has been heightened. I have ready many posts from others who have gone back out after multiple years of sobriety and whilst of course this one of my biggest fears I naively thought that once I got, say, a year under my belt (I will soon have 18 months) I would be comfortably out of the danger zone. No. For me I am experiencing the perhaps necessary warning signs which serve towards acceptance that this thing we have is for life and no amount of time will make it go away. Christmas was like a slap I the face at times and at one point I was sobbing uncontrollably so strong was my craving for an "out" which for me was alcohol. I believe that maintaining a healthy fear of what going back would actually mean is essential. The past was utter chaos, it hurt and upset those I love and eventually became outright dangerous. I don't ever want to get too far away from the memories of that no matter how upsetting those memories may be because they keep me safe from the slippery slope of complacency back down to the bottom of a bottle.
This is why it is so important that we stay connected here (or to our recovery programme of choice) because the real world and even those who love us the most don't understand. As far as they are concerned I am cured and fine. In many ways I am indeed fine. I am still utterly grateful for every sober day and life is much much better. But it will never ever go away. I am addicted for life and no amount of sober time will change that.
So in my typically long-winded style I empathise and totally get you.
Take care and have a great day all xxx
__________________
29 July 2017 - the day I began learning how to live again

"The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking........everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing"
joandmelandhan is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to joandmelandhan For This Useful Post:
Culture (01-12-2019), Dropsie (01-12-2019), Jake1961 (01-15-2019), listae (01-24-2019), Runswithspoons (01-16-2019), Stayingsassy (01-14-2019), topspin (01-14-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-14-2019, 06:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 2,348
Quote:
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
Great post!
I just wanted to chip in and say hi to Maggy and Sassy
I too am at a similar "stage" (if indeed this thing follows any kind of pattern at all) and have been struggling with the thought that I have been slowly descending the relapse ladder recently. My self care has been slipping and as a result my vulnerability to an "eff it" moment feels like it has been heightened. I have ready many posts from others who have gone back out after multiple years of sobriety and whilst of course this one of my biggest fears I naively thought that once I got, say, a year under my belt (I will soon have 18 months) I would be comfortably out of the danger zone. No. For me I am experiencing the perhaps necessary warning signs which serve towards acceptance that this thing we have is for life and no amount of time will make it go away. Christmas was like a slap I the face at times and at one point I was sobbing uncontrollably so strong was my craving for an "out" which for me was alcohol. I believe that maintaining a healthy fear of what going back would actually mean is essential. The past was utter chaos, it hurt and upset those I love and eventually became outright dangerous. I don't ever want to get too far away from the memories of that no matter how upsetting those memories may be because they keep me safe from the slippery slope of complacency back down to the bottom of a bottle.
This is why it is so important that we stay connected here (or to our recovery programme of choice) because the real world and even those who love us the most don't understand. As far as they are concerned I am cured and fine. In many ways I am indeed fine. I am still utterly grateful for every sober day and life is much much better. But it will never ever go away. I am addicted for life and no amount of sober time will change that.
So in my typically long-winded style I empathise and totally get you.
Take care and have a great day all xxx

Hey you!!

My self care is in the TOILET. Iíve quit exercise and my food addiction is completely in charge. My back hurts, my feet hurt, my ego hurts, everything hurts, I am an old, old woman.

I peruse pictures from 2016 and I looked amazing. I looked 20 years younger. I remember the lightness of being. I remember exercise being so easy. Everything was easy, except my drinking problem.

I donít know if Iíll ever be able to fix this. I donít feel like I have the strength to move forward, but after my daughters birthday I will try again: 1/17. Iíll just try again to live a balanced life. Which I do NOT know how to do.

So, hi there! Should start a ď1+ yearĒ thread. Bulldogs long thread down there was only 1+ Ďers, it was cool. Because Iím still so incredibly stupid sometimes and I feel like I should have this all figured out by now.
__________________
First day of freedom: 9/25/17
"A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean." Dr. Suess, The Lorax
Stayingsassy is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Stayingsassy For This Useful Post:
Outonthetiles (02-04-2019), topspin (01-14-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-15-2019, 12:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
NYCDoglvr's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 5,976
Many years ago I was at a meeting and the man next to me was crying. He said he'd had six years and now couldn't stop drinking after six rehabs. I never saw him again. A shrink who specialized in addiction went out with 27 years but made it back. Hope I never forget.
NYCDoglvr is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to NYCDoglvr For This Useful Post:
listae (01-24-2019), Outonthetiles (02-04-2019), Runswithspoons (01-16-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-17-2019, 07:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 74
Thanks Sassy and Joandme for letting me know I have company in this limbo stage of being sober but not permanently out of the woods. I need the reminders and this thread has been great for that. Really appreciate it and everyone elseís input.
MaggieJ is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MaggieJ For This Useful Post:
listae (01-24-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-18-2019, 03:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 543
Jake - I already complemented your post but then I noticed something else. I like your tag line too:

"There are seven days in a week. Someday is not one of them."
AAPJ is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to AAPJ For This Useful Post:
Awake61 (01-25-2019), listae (01-25-2019), Stayingsassy (01-18-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-18-2019, 03:52 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,497
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr View Post
Many years ago I was at a meeting and the man next to me was crying. He said he'd had six years and now couldn't stop drinking after six rehabs. I never saw him again. A shrink who specialized in addiction went out with 27 years but made it back. Hope I never forget.
Maybe two years ago I heard a man share he went out after 32 years.

Don't know what happened to him and it was another strong reminder not to take sobriety lightly.

I've gone through a lot in sobriety over the years but I still only have today.
__________________
Sobriety date 3.6.93
Ken33xx is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ken33xx For This Useful Post:
listae (01-25-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-24-2019, 05:45 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,152
And that is the power of one alcoholic helping another. Brilliant.
snitch is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to snitch For This Useful Post:
listae (01-24-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-24-2019, 07:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,928
I'm so glad you posted this. I had four years thought it was impossible for me to drink but I drank again. For 5.5 years I relapsed all the time no matter how hard I tried to stop I couldn't. I'll have seven months Saturday yes I remember how bad it was but have forgotten a lot this really opened my eyes. Thank you
dsmaxis10 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to dsmaxis10 For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (01-25-2019), Chaz22 (01-25-2019), columbus (01-27-2019), listae (01-24-2019), Zevin (03-20-2019)
Old 01-25-2019, 04:01 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake1961 View Post
Sober four and a half years, thanks in part to this forum and several members who reached out to me in the early days and weeks. I found a recovery plan that worked for me and am forever grateful that I stopped drinking when I did; I seriously doubt I would be among the living right now if I hadnít stopped in July of 2014

I had an ah-ha moment a couple of months ago, actually, more like a figurative slap upside the head. Iím a member of a service club and at a dinner meeting the members at my table started talking about the opioid crisis and addiction in general. One of the members there stated he is a long time recovered alcoholic and spent many years helping others get sober. Never knew that about him.

Afterward I said to him that I stopped drinking over four years ago and canít imangine going back to drinking. He looked me in the eyes, got a very serious look, and said he can imangine it and that is why he does not drink. I was taken aback at first by how direct he was then later realized he was right; I certainly messed up a lot of things due to my drinking and have taken responsibility for my actions, but lately I have ignored how bad it had been. A lot of denial on my part. He opened my eyes to it, like ripping a band-aid off a cut.

Nothing good ever came from my drinking and getting drunk every day. Imangining what it would be like to go back to drinking and those problems has made me even stronger in my commitment to never drink again. Iím not going back to that self-destructive lifestyle, ever.
May I use this in a book I'm writing?
__________________
ďI just keep losing. I mean, some people just...are supposed to lose? For balance in the universe? I mean, like, are there just some people on earth who...are supposed to be here just to make it easier for the winners?Ē - Donald Glover
Arthox is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:54 PM.