Please help! Seeking advice and support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
To all who’s lost, disappointed and seeking help and support: recovery is hard but totally worth it! If you are reading this it means you about to realize you are not alone and there is way! 
To all who’s been there for me for the past 10 days: I cherish your guidance, support and encouragement more than you’ll ever know!
To all who’s been there for me for the past 10 days: I cherish your guidance, support and encouragement more than you’ll ever know!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by SolidKarma 
I know that my addiction to alcohol is more powerful than my desire to stop drinking. That's why I have to find something that has more power than me, and can provide me the power to stop drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Back on SR posting a year later seeking support
Hello everyone! Took a year off from posting but have not stopped reading your threads and following your success stories and otherwise rooting for each and everyone of you! I, unfortunately, don’t have a success story to share. I’ve been binge drinking once a week (sometimes twice a week) for the past year without any reason for it. I’m not physically dependent on alcohol (not just yet anyways), but always long for that feeling of false freedom from worrying and relaxation after I drink. I hide my wine and more often than not drink by myself in secret. Disgusted with myself! Embarrassed by my actions and not being able to stop drinking a year ago! Had every intention and support too but failed. Shame is eating me up. It’s one of the reasons I’m posting on here right now. Need to get it out so I won’t explode and to hear from you, my trusted SR community friends. Why I cannot let the shame of this disease go?!? I am making today my official day 1 (again). Why relapses are so emotionally painful?!? Shameover is worse than a hangover for me. I am going to try a different approach this time around; I’m going to turn my life around for me! I was trying to do it for my family for the past 10 years or so forgetting that I am too deserving of a positive change (hope it makes sense to you). I’m desperately trying to forgive myself for past relapses and bad choices. If any of you feel like sharing your experience on how you are dealing or have dealt with the shame, I would truly and deeply appreciate it. Did you recover from that horrible feeling of guilt eventually? I thank you all for taking the time to read my cry for help. I am sorry for anyone hurting the same way I do right now. Sending you positive thoughts and praying for recovery. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
The shame is your friend.
It's your guide. What would life be like without shame.
If you want the shame to go, don't do shameful things, do things you feel good about and practice something like meditation, see a councellor, psych etc to ease your mind.
Look after yourself, for you. Be happy. Relax.
It's your guide. What would life be like without shame.
If you want the shame to go, don't do shameful things, do things you feel good about and practice something like meditation, see a councellor, psych etc to ease your mind.
Look after yourself, for you. Be happy. Relax.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Kat,
I am glad to see you back, but sorry to hear you have been suffering.
There is an expression I like "the only way out is through." Every day that I do not do something I am ashamed of, the shame lessens. I will always remember the things I did when I drank and feel shameful when I do. But that shame helps me not to do those things again.
I know how you feel about the "wasted" year, but it took many of us a lot of bites at the apple before it stuck. There is something about acceptance -- it took me a long time to accept that I could not drink ever --that there was no cure and that even if I could abstain from drinking, I could never control it.
There are many different roads, for me it was a choice that I would never drink again and I would never quit my decision, plus a lot of time on here. I also did the Tempest course, which I loved. Others swear by AA, have done rehab, smart recovery, etc etc.
When I read your posts I see me ten years ago. Logically I knew the problem, but I could either not believe it or could not accept it, and until you do that, the rest will not come.
But then the light switch went on, and I made the changes and my life is so much better. Not perfect, but so much better. I won't say that I never miss having a glass of wine, but I NEVER had a glass of wine, I had the bottle (or two) and I never miss that. So I miss something that never happened.
I wish you success. It would be nice to sort it before your son goes off to his life.
I am glad to see you back, but sorry to hear you have been suffering.
There is an expression I like "the only way out is through." Every day that I do not do something I am ashamed of, the shame lessens. I will always remember the things I did when I drank and feel shameful when I do. But that shame helps me not to do those things again.
I know how you feel about the "wasted" year, but it took many of us a lot of bites at the apple before it stuck. There is something about acceptance -- it took me a long time to accept that I could not drink ever --that there was no cure and that even if I could abstain from drinking, I could never control it.
There are many different roads, for me it was a choice that I would never drink again and I would never quit my decision, plus a lot of time on here. I also did the Tempest course, which I loved. Others swear by AA, have done rehab, smart recovery, etc etc.
When I read your posts I see me ten years ago. Logically I knew the problem, but I could either not believe it or could not accept it, and until you do that, the rest will not come.
But then the light switch went on, and I made the changes and my life is so much better. Not perfect, but so much better. I won't say that I never miss having a glass of wine, but I NEVER had a glass of wine, I had the bottle (or two) and I never miss that. So I miss something that never happened.
I wish you success. It would be nice to sort it before your son goes off to his life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Dear Dropsie,
Thank you for empathizing with me. What you wrote in your reply makes perfect sense to me. Oh, how I wish to be able to say “it was me 10 years ago” one day!!! An absolute dream! With your encouragement and support of others, I truly think I can do it this time. I simply have to. I want to be able to come back here a year from now to report on my success and not to be crying while posting about my shame and failure to quit for good.
Thank you for being kind to me and for not judging me. I want to be accountable for my actions; thus, I must post on SR and stick to my goal. I feel like staying sober is way easier than what I'm going through emotionally at this very moment. I’m physically hurting because of my disappointment with myself.
I am going to take in every word in your post and in replies and posts of others, for that matter, and will learn and grow from it as a sober person.
Thank you for empathizing with me. What you wrote in your reply makes perfect sense to me. Oh, how I wish to be able to say “it was me 10 years ago” one day!!! An absolute dream! With your encouragement and support of others, I truly think I can do it this time. I simply have to. I want to be able to come back here a year from now to report on my success and not to be crying while posting about my shame and failure to quit for good.
Thank you for being kind to me and for not judging me. I want to be accountable for my actions; thus, I must post on SR and stick to my goal. I feel like staying sober is way easier than what I'm going through emotionally at this very moment. I’m physically hurting because of my disappointment with myself.
I am going to take in every word in your post and in replies and posts of others, for that matter, and will learn and grow from it as a sober person.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Grymt
The shame is your friend.
It's your guide. What would life be like without shame.
If you want the shame to go, don't do shameful things, do things you feel good about and practice something like meditation, see a councellor, psych etc to ease your mind.
Look after yourself, for you. Be happy. Relax.
It's your guide. What would life be like without shame.
If you want the shame to go, don't do shameful things, do things you feel good about and practice something like meditation, see a councellor, psych etc to ease your mind.
Look after yourself, for you. Be happy. Relax.
I will give it my best. Thank you for replying. Wishing you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kat1313
If any of you feel like sharing your experience on how you are dealing or have dealt with the shame, I would truly and deeply appreciate it. Did you recover from that horrible feeling of guilt eventually? [/left]
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i couldnt have hated myself more than i did that day.i wouldnt have changed if i used my own thinking to change. that thinking got me drunk- i needed the thinking of people who had been where i was to help me learn how to change myself and be free from the bonage of alcohol.
i got into AA and worked the program. not only have i been sober since, but i have a life i never could have dreamed of- a life free from remorse,guilt, and regret.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by tomsteve
these words sum up how i felt the day after my last drunk:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i couldnt have hated myself more than i did that day.i wouldnt have changed if i used my own thinking to change. that thinking got me drunk- i needed the thinking of people who had been where i was to help me learn how to change myself and be free from the bonage of alcohol.
i got into AA and worked the program. not only have i been sober since, but i have a life i never could have dreamed of- a life free from remorse,guilt, and regret.
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i couldnt have hated myself more than i did that day.i wouldnt have changed if i used my own thinking to change. that thinking got me drunk- i needed the thinking of people who had been where i was to help me learn how to change myself and be free from the bonage of alcohol.
i got into AA and worked the program. not only have i been sober since, but i have a life i never could have dreamed of- a life free from remorse,guilt, and regret.
scary yet inspiring. I am going to apply my personal experiences to what you have shared about your past struggles and use it a tool to get myself better. Thank you very much for replying. I needed it!
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Hello Kat,
I am sorry you are struggling, it is a pain I know and remember well. The binge drinking to the point of blacking out or passing out was something I did very well (or so I thought), Guilt, shame, remorse... seemed to be the only emotions I knew, until I gave up feeling at all and gave into the Alcohol with everything I had...... and that is what it took from me, everything I had and was. I was fighting against an enemy I just could not beat. No matter what I did to fight with Alcohol, it won. The battles I had with Alcohol, could not overpower the weapons it had...guilt, shame and remorse. I thought I was lost....
....until I gave up fighting, I knew Alcohol would win, so I did the only thing I could, I got out of the ring and admitted defeat. I had to admit that I was powerless against something that could defeat me every time I tried to get back into the rig with it. I took my sorry butt to treatment and got help. I learned that I can't lose a fight that I am not in, I learned that the disease will pull me right back in if I let my guard own. It has tried over the years to sneak in, but thankfully, I keep my awareness up.
There is no shame in admitting defeat to Alcohol, it is mandatory ... that is why it is Step One... Admit we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. You are not alone, every single person in recovery started at day one. I hope some of this helps.
Hugs, Cathy
I am sorry you are struggling, it is a pain I know and remember well. The binge drinking to the point of blacking out or passing out was something I did very well (or so I thought), Guilt, shame, remorse... seemed to be the only emotions I knew, until I gave up feeling at all and gave into the Alcohol with everything I had...... and that is what it took from me, everything I had and was. I was fighting against an enemy I just could not beat. No matter what I did to fight with Alcohol, it won. The battles I had with Alcohol, could not overpower the weapons it had...guilt, shame and remorse. I thought I was lost....
....until I gave up fighting, I knew Alcohol would win, so I did the only thing I could, I got out of the ring and admitted defeat. I had to admit that I was powerless against something that could defeat me every time I tried to get back into the rig with it. I took my sorry butt to treatment and got help. I learned that I can't lose a fight that I am not in, I learned that the disease will pull me right back in if I let my guard own. It has tried over the years to sneak in, but thankfully, I keep my awareness up.
There is no shame in admitting defeat to Alcohol, it is mandatory ... that is why it is Step One... Admit we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. You are not alone, every single person in recovery started at day one. I hope some of this helps.
Hugs, Cathy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Surlyredhead
Hello Kat,
I am sorry you are struggling, it is a pain I know and remember well. The binge drinking to the point of blacking out or passing out was something I did very well (or so I thought), Guilt, shame, remorse... seemed to be the only emotions I knew, until I gave up feeling at all and gave into the Alcohol with everything I had...... and that is what it took from me, everything I had and was. I was fighting against an enemy I just could not beat. No matter what I did to fight with Alcohol, it won. The battles I had with Alcohol, could not overpower the weapons it had...guilt, shame and remorse. I thought I was lost....
....until I gave up fighting, I knew Alcohol would win, so I did the only thing I could, I got out of the ring and admitted defeat. I had to admit that I was powerless against something that could defeat me every time I tried to get back into the rig with it. I took my sorry butt to treatment and got help. I learned that I can't lose a fight that I am not in, I learned that the disease will pull me right back in if I let my guard own. It has tried over the years to sneak in, but thankfully, I keep my awareness up.
There is no shame in admitting defeat to Alcohol, it is mandatory ... that is why it is Step One... Admit we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. You are not alone, every single person in recovery started at day one. I hope some of this helps.
Hugs, Cathy
I am sorry you are struggling, it is a pain I know and remember well. The binge drinking to the point of blacking out or passing out was something I did very well (or so I thought), Guilt, shame, remorse... seemed to be the only emotions I knew, until I gave up feeling at all and gave into the Alcohol with everything I had...... and that is what it took from me, everything I had and was. I was fighting against an enemy I just could not beat. No matter what I did to fight with Alcohol, it won. The battles I had with Alcohol, could not overpower the weapons it had...guilt, shame and remorse. I thought I was lost....
....until I gave up fighting, I knew Alcohol would win, so I did the only thing I could, I got out of the ring and admitted defeat. I had to admit that I was powerless against something that could defeat me every time I tried to get back into the rig with it. I took my sorry butt to treatment and got help. I learned that I can't lose a fight that I am not in, I learned that the disease will pull me right back in if I let my guard own. It has tried over the years to sneak in, but thankfully, I keep my awareness up.
There is no shame in admitting defeat to Alcohol, it is mandatory ... that is why it is Step One... Admit we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. You are not alone, every single person in recovery started at day one. I hope some of this helps.
Hugs, Cathy
It does help; it helps a lot! I’m stuck in my head feeling all alone in this struggle, and I come alive every time I get a response to my post. What you shared and said gives me much needed hope and support in this fight that I feel like I created for myself. It starts with the first drink. It’s the only drink I have to have to say no to staring today! When I put it in perspective like that, I feel empowered and in control. Just thinking about a simple “no” to the first drink helps me change my approach to this problem and switch my mind set about the whole fight with alcohol. I need to take it one day at a time and wake up with “today I will not drink” mantra. One day at a time sounds very much manageable; saying “no” to the first drink sounds easy enough as opposed to saying no to a bottle. Baby steps but forward, only forward. Thank you for making me think, re-think, re-assess and feel “normal”. I’m super grateful for all of you on SR.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
This! ....until I gave up fighting, I knew Alcohol would win, so I did the only thing I could, I got out of the ring and admitted defeat. I had to admit that I was powerless against something that could defeat me every time I tried to get back into the rig with it. I took my sorry butt to treatment and got help. I learned that I can't lose a fight that I am not in, I learned that the disease will pull me right back in if I let my guard own. It has tried over the years to sneak in, but thankfully, I keep my awareness up.
It will always win if we take a drink, and has no power at all if we do not.
That is my truth.
It will always win if we take a drink, and has no power at all if we do not.
That is my truth.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I could be wrong in thinking that, but I CHOOSE to believe that I’m stronger than my addiction as it puts me back in control of my life sort of speak.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
