Kat1313

I drank last night. A lot! And my 16 year old child witnessed me passing out, which needless to say, was a scary experience for him. I am embarrassed and hurt by my stupid decision to have that first drink last night. I’m mentally and physically misarable right now. My parents came over to find me drunk in my bed and my husband (God bless him) had to stay up all night and take care of me. The feeling of guilt is overwhelming right now. I let everyone down again.....how do I forgive myself for hurting people I love the most? How can I prevent it from happening again? How do I gain their trust back? I’m very sorry for what I have done. I truly am!
Thank you for letting me post here in hopes of your support and wisdom, everyone. Has anyone recovered emotionally from hurting your loved ones like that? What do I say to them now? They trusted me and I relapsed....I’m so sorry!

Ladysadie

You start by pouring out all the alcohol. You stop drinking. You get yourself to AA meetings, call your sponsor. You wake up sober is how you forgive yourself. You can do this but it is up to you to take that first step, then repeat on a daily basis.

Kat1313

Thank you for reading my cry for help and replying. There’s no alcohol in my house. Even the thought of it makes me ill. I’m struggling with a feeling of regret and keep thinking how I hurt my family last night. It keeps playing over and over in my head and makes me very emotional. I’m better than that! I’m stronger than my addiction! My family deserves a better version of me!

Ladysadie

Listen to your heart, the pain you created is yours to own. I had to get to the same point when I decided to turned my life around and quit disappointing those I cared about. Today can be your starting point. Make it count. Once you start showing up each day sober, your family will start to believe in you. It's action that's required, not words. Hang in there, it will get better. You are taking the first step, it takes courage to face your truth. Blessings to you dear Kat.

Kat1313

God bless you, Ladysadie! Thank you for your support and kindness. Means the world to me right now. Guilt and regret is killing me! Sitting here crying my eyes out while I wait for my child to wake up and see me so I can tell him how much I love him and how I want to get better starting now! And yes, I’ll lead by example and will speak with my actions! I did it to myself and it’s mine to fix! Thank you again for sharing your experiences here and for caring. Best of everything to you, Ladysadie!

Stayingsassy

Is this a common thing? How often do you drink until passing out? People can deal with it if it happens every few months or six months. Are you an alcoholic who needs to quit? Or are you just feeling bad about a one time episode?

Kat1313

It happened to me twice before because I binge drank both times (350-400 ml of cognac within 3-4 hour time period). Is it bad? Is it a lot? Normally, I don’t drink often anymore, but I tend to drink a bottle of red wine + when I do. I become a different person, someone I have never met before but very much dislike. Someone that acts carelessly and dangerously and then, desperately trying to recall things/events the next morning. I just know I simply have to stop drnking all together. Problem solved! When I don’t drink, everything in life is way better; I’m a better person/mother/wife/daughter/sister. Because of those few incidents, my son and husband got very concerned for me and my health and it caused them enough of psychological damage to absolutely hate it when I drink (regardless of occasion, quantity and kind). I simply must stop and never have that first drink again. I’m hurting today because I saw my child crying and worrying for me. At that tender teenage time, he should not be worrying about his mama passing out. Not what I want to teach my child and not the example I want to set for him. Not at all! Thank you SO much for listening. I very much needed it. Any advice/input is welcomed and appreciated.

Ladysadie

Checking back and thinking about you dear Kat, hope you had a good day with your son and husband. Stay strong!

Dave42001

Sending prayers your way and wishing you the best!!

Stayingsassy

Many people decide to stop drinking for the reasons you list above. They simply decide it's not worth it to have it in their life. If you are prone to binge drinking, it can and does get a lot worse.

It's a good decision to quit!

NYCDoglvr

So get to AA, do 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. You've proved you can't do it on your own. I had to get the "gift of desperation" to finally stop drinking.

MindfulMan

Doesn't matter how 'bad' it is. There is no objective 'bad' index. If it's happened more than once, you can't seem to control yourself once you start, and you feel that the consequences are something you can't live with, it's time to stop.

How you do so is up to you. I'd start by reading this site very closely and learning your options. Meetings and AA are one approach, and certainly worth trying, but there are many others.

You can't change the past, you can just keep the negative events from recurring. The important thing isn't that you passed out in front of your kids. What IS the important thing is that you recognize this as a very negative consequence and take action to prevent its recurrence.

Hevyn

How are you doing today, Kat?

Before I finally realized I could never touch the stuff again, I had several setbacks like the one you describe. I guess I needed further convincing. Drinking turned me into a stranger too - but I kept insisting I could just have 'a few' to relax with & not get carried away. It never worked out - one always led to 10. Now that we know we can't allow it in our system - we can get free. You can do it, Kat.

Kat1313

Oh, wow! I’m touched and a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) by all your replies. Thank you all for thinking of me today and expressing your thoughts. Thank you for the support and encouragement! I have read each and every word you wrote to me twice to let it sink in. It really does help. Incredible!
I am doing GREAT today! What a difference a day makes (when you are sober). My son and my husband and my parents, for that matter, are by my side supporting me and cheering me on as I set my sail to journey into the life free of alcohol and binges. I feel like I’m in power now. I feel like I’m not alone and my life matters! My family is, and always has been, beyond words amazing, understanding and loving; it was me who got sidetracked and lost giving into my addiction. No more, I say! If you don’t mind, I’ll keep posting here as it seems to give me strength and courage to be myself again....more so than I ever imagine. I’m open to your comments/suggestions/experiences/
guidance and so on. I want to be here for you as much as you all, wonderful, wise, and caring people, are here for others. Thank you for not disregarding my cry for help! I am present. I’m so blessed. I’m happy....

Kat1313

Thank you for checking on me. 😁.
I’m doing great today, Ladysadie. Hoping you are too. Sending you a big hug.

Dee74

I'm glad you're feeling better kat but, if you'll forgive me, you still need a plan because without a plan there's a high risk of passing out events happening again.

got any ideas?

D

Kat1313

Dear Hevyn,
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m doing great today. I sincerely believe I can do it! I read your story, your first post on SR, and I was amazed by your honesty and courage. What a journey you had! I would love to hear back from you, if you don’t mind, so you can tell me that your health has improved and that you are enjoying your life yo the fullest. I am wishing you just that.

Kat1313

Hope you are having a good day as well, Dee. And you are absolutely right; I do need a plan. Frankly, I don’t have much ideas except that I keep re-living the nightmare in my mind to remind myself what I DON’T want to ever happen again. Not a healthy way to go about it, I know it. A healthier option that I can think of would be posting here and staying connected. It got me through yesterday and today for sure! I did not want to drink at all; I could not even bare a thought of it after I posted here, then read and re-read other posts and comments on SR. I felt connected and understood, you know? I felt like I was in control and there was no shame in asking for help. Any suggestions for me, Dee?

Kat1313

That’s a scary thought, Stayinsassy. That it does and get a lot worse, I mean. I cannot allow it to happen anymore. I cannot allow my binges to affect my life like that. I’m suffering so much already. My actions hurt and disappoint others. Enough is enough! Thank you for making me see it more clearly. Today was a good day for me. Looking forward for tomorrow! 😊

Dee74

a great couple of links in this one Kat

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

D