It Is, Quite Literally, Always A New Day
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Yesterday continued with low (or maybe no) mood. Slept a bit less than previous days - one nap rather than two. This afternoon I feel better than I have in over a week. I even went for a walk.
Signed up last night for this Stoic week I read about over in Secular Connections. Basic tenet is I only have control over myself and I have an obligation to be the best me I can in service to the whole. Interesting isn't it, how religions and philosophies and programs of many ilk echo each other?
Physically: starting to recover from enormous fatigue
Mentally: it's an effort to think but I'm trying to keep the light on
Spiritually: here I am
Signed up last night for this Stoic week I read about over in Secular Connections. Basic tenet is I only have control over myself and I have an obligation to be the best me I can in service to the whole. Interesting isn't it, how religions and philosophies and programs of many ilk echo each other?
Physically: starting to recover from enormous fatigue
Mentally: it's an effort to think but I'm trying to keep the light on
Spiritually: here I am
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Wow, I have an enormous capacity for procrastination.
My therapist gave me a writing exercise that closely aligns with (or maybe is the same as) what was suggested by the counselor at IOP. If I feel a craving (or other discomfort?), I am to write down what happened, what it feels like, and particularly my emotions related to the experience. I agreed to do that and have quite effectively avoided that task for over 13 hours. Although to be fair, I did jot down some notes to help me. But those will surely disappear because I don't like mess and have little to zero tolerance for writing things on paper. So I'm going to try it here and see how that goes, how it feels to switch things up a bit by blurting it out without refining things as I go. At least for the "feelings" part...
(gotta take a break - hold on a sec)
*checks laundry, heats up some coffee, cleans out the sink, sends a couple of text message, lights incense*
Ok, I'm feeling anxious right now. A little headache has popped up in the back of my brain and it feels like my heart rate is up. Automatically shifted into deliberate breathing. I think it's important to write things down because then they are "true." Or recognized/acknowledged/something. And that is frightening because (1) this record will endure; I can't erase it by ripping it up (2) I fear being dramatic and overstating things - the result of that will be someone throwing things back in my face. "It's your fault, it's not such a big deal, you think you had it hard, listen to this, what was your part in this?" (3) I will recognize things in my anxiety/fear that are a part of who I am or have been - like not giving enough credence to those feelings when my girls had them and engaging myself in that behavior of throwing things back at them.
Dropped my middle kid at the airport at 5:20am. Hugs and kisses, both of us really glad she came. Five minutes after leaving, recognized my heart was hurting, literally. No, really when I think about it, this is that anxiety thing that pushes the eraser end of a pencil directly into my sternum (?). Not sure how I was feeling... maybe sad about her leaving? maybe anxious about her flying? maybe wanted to drink? I dunno. The feeling subsided maybe 5 minutes later when "Dark Side of the Moon" came on the radio. (The moon was really cool-looking this morning.)
*pause to listen to Pink Floyd. Just realized the damn DJs or whomever cut off the entire intro on the radio!*
Anyhow, to continue... Got hungry, went to Wawa after deciding I'd hit the 630 DayStarters meeting. Parked in the lot and felt another heart pang. Didn't contemplate it, just dismissed it maybe with an "oh yeah of course" thought.
At home, cleaning up the guest room, I find a safety seal for Absolut on the bedside table. Huhn. Clean the catbox, think about how I should order some cat litter on Amazon, how nice to get it delivered, remember how someone used to get their liquor delivered every day? I wonder if Amazon delivers Absolut? I wouldn't even have to talk to someone if I did that. Never mind. I go about my business, which is to look in the drawers, under the bed, behind the bookshelves - no bottle. Look through recycling - why??? "Let me find it and get rid of it while I'm strong enough." Check out the trash that's outside. Back inside jotting notes for my feelings assignment. Maybe the bottle is in the back room trash? Tending to a bouquet the feeling of anxiety persists for over ten minutes. I'm breathing like I ought but it's still there. I'm really riled up about this vodka idea or thought but no real thoughts of drinking. IT wants to drink; I want to stay sober. Rearranged the bouquet again - took a long time to get it right. Actually I didn't but said STOP. It's good enough.
When I take the time to notice, I am now breathing ok but have a bit of a headache behind and above my left eye and a foggy feeling. Better take my meds!
Not sure what feelings or emotions accompanied all of that. Should I guess or just leave it? I think I'll leave it.
The meeting was good. I worried about speaking but happened to be the last one. The topic was about asking for help when I feel like drinking. Mostly I don't remember what I said aside from "this new incredible discomfort must be a sign that something is happening within me."
Meditation today was courtesy of "Headspace." This guy has a 10-day intro and I'm on Day 5. It's so easy - I love it. Today's topic was essentially "How are you feeling? No judgement, just feel it." So I felt anxious and that was ok.
I took a good long nap this afternoon. Wondered again how in the world I'll be able to tolerate going back to work? Perhaps it will be fine once I do a better job with my sleep habits.
Physically: I'm alright; little bit of a headache back behind my left eye.
Mentally: I feel better now that I did this assignment. Not sure if it's right, but at least I did it. Guilty or something that I haven't looked at the Stoicism seminar yet. I'll do that next.
Spiritually: Pushing against that feeling that I don't belong.
My therapist gave me a writing exercise that closely aligns with (or maybe is the same as) what was suggested by the counselor at IOP. If I feel a craving (or other discomfort?), I am to write down what happened, what it feels like, and particularly my emotions related to the experience. I agreed to do that and have quite effectively avoided that task for over 13 hours. Although to be fair, I did jot down some notes to help me. But those will surely disappear because I don't like mess and have little to zero tolerance for writing things on paper. So I'm going to try it here and see how that goes, how it feels to switch things up a bit by blurting it out without refining things as I go. At least for the "feelings" part...
(gotta take a break - hold on a sec)
*checks laundry, heats up some coffee, cleans out the sink, sends a couple of text message, lights incense*
Ok, I'm feeling anxious right now. A little headache has popped up in the back of my brain and it feels like my heart rate is up. Automatically shifted into deliberate breathing. I think it's important to write things down because then they are "true." Or recognized/acknowledged/something. And that is frightening because (1) this record will endure; I can't erase it by ripping it up (2) I fear being dramatic and overstating things - the result of that will be someone throwing things back in my face. "It's your fault, it's not such a big deal, you think you had it hard, listen to this, what was your part in this?" (3) I will recognize things in my anxiety/fear that are a part of who I am or have been - like not giving enough credence to those feelings when my girls had them and engaging myself in that behavior of throwing things back at them.
Dropped my middle kid at the airport at 5:20am. Hugs and kisses, both of us really glad she came. Five minutes after leaving, recognized my heart was hurting, literally. No, really when I think about it, this is that anxiety thing that pushes the eraser end of a pencil directly into my sternum (?). Not sure how I was feeling... maybe sad about her leaving? maybe anxious about her flying? maybe wanted to drink? I dunno. The feeling subsided maybe 5 minutes later when "Dark Side of the Moon" came on the radio. (The moon was really cool-looking this morning.)
*pause to listen to Pink Floyd. Just realized the damn DJs or whomever cut off the entire intro on the radio!*
Anyhow, to continue... Got hungry, went to Wawa after deciding I'd hit the 630 DayStarters meeting. Parked in the lot and felt another heart pang. Didn't contemplate it, just dismissed it maybe with an "oh yeah of course" thought.
At home, cleaning up the guest room, I find a safety seal for Absolut on the bedside table. Huhn. Clean the catbox, think about how I should order some cat litter on Amazon, how nice to get it delivered, remember how someone used to get their liquor delivered every day? I wonder if Amazon delivers Absolut? I wouldn't even have to talk to someone if I did that. Never mind. I go about my business, which is to look in the drawers, under the bed, behind the bookshelves - no bottle. Look through recycling - why??? "Let me find it and get rid of it while I'm strong enough." Check out the trash that's outside. Back inside jotting notes for my feelings assignment. Maybe the bottle is in the back room trash? Tending to a bouquet the feeling of anxiety persists for over ten minutes. I'm breathing like I ought but it's still there. I'm really riled up about this vodka idea or thought but no real thoughts of drinking. IT wants to drink; I want to stay sober. Rearranged the bouquet again - took a long time to get it right. Actually I didn't but said STOP. It's good enough.
When I take the time to notice, I am now breathing ok but have a bit of a headache behind and above my left eye and a foggy feeling. Better take my meds!
Not sure what feelings or emotions accompanied all of that. Should I guess or just leave it? I think I'll leave it.
The meeting was good. I worried about speaking but happened to be the last one. The topic was about asking for help when I feel like drinking. Mostly I don't remember what I said aside from "this new incredible discomfort must be a sign that something is happening within me."
Meditation today was courtesy of "Headspace." This guy has a 10-day intro and I'm on Day 5. It's so easy - I love it. Today's topic was essentially "How are you feeling? No judgement, just feel it." So I felt anxious and that was ok.
I took a good long nap this afternoon. Wondered again how in the world I'll be able to tolerate going back to work? Perhaps it will be fine once I do a better job with my sleep habits.
Physically: I'm alright; little bit of a headache back behind my left eye.
Mentally: I feel better now that I did this assignment. Not sure if it's right, but at least I did it. Guilty or something that I haven't looked at the Stoicism seminar yet. I'll do that next.
Spiritually: Pushing against that feeling that I don't belong.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Headache behind the left eye.
I cried so much a few weeks ago that My left eye would have stabbing pains. I resorted to sticking my finger in my eye, as it was the only thing that kept me from crying and also relieved the stabbing pain. ��
You sound to me like You Are doing all the right things, Obladi.
Keep up the awesome work!
I cried so much a few weeks ago that My left eye would have stabbing pains. I resorted to sticking my finger in my eye, as it was the only thing that kept me from crying and also relieved the stabbing pain. ��
You sound to me like You Are doing all the right things, Obladi.
Keep up the awesome work!
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Feel crappy. Followed by thought: I did only the morning section of Day 1 in the Stoicism class and now it's Day 3. I hate it when I don't finish things. Like there might be classes I didn't even ever attend in college - I dunno. I do remember there was one class that I barely attended - and passed! Why does this still bother me? I was the one who paid for the wasted tuition, so it only impacted me.
Physically: Woke up feeling like I have a hangover. Assertive headache at the front of my head, sore, slow-moving.
Mentally: Kinda pissed?
Spiritually: I remembered to send a "Thank You" out to the universe this morning; hope she heard it.
Physically: Woke up feeling like I have a hangover. Assertive headache at the front of my head, sore, slow-moving.
Mentally: Kinda pissed?
Spiritually: I remembered to send a "Thank You" out to the universe this morning; hope she heard it.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Mizzuno 
I cried so much a few weeks ago that My left eye would have stabbing pains. I resorted to sticking my finger in my eye, as it was the only thing that kept me from crying and also relieved the stabbing pain. ��
Thanks for the encouragement Mizz. It really is helpful to me when people respond to my misery by saying "Yep, sounds like you're on the right track." I think divorce is harder, but I'm not sure. Not comparing our respective strife because you know I feel for you. Just now that absorbing that concept of divorcing alcohol being strikingly similar to divorcing my spouse. Not my idea, of course. Ima go re-read your stuff and see if you planted this seed for me. Sounds like a good topic for a new thread.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Oh! Now I remember. This concept of "breaking up" with alcohol is nothing new in general, but it's new to me because it just hit me for real. I always equated this concept with breaking up with a boyfriend. That's hard, yeah but I've done it many times and it wasn't as bad as divorcing. In fact, the last couple of times I had my alcohol to turn to for (fake) solace and comfort.
So not a new idea at SR because I read about it a longgg time ago here I'm sure. Still, I think I'll recycle it in Newcomers because it might help someone. For sure, it's helpful to me in this moment.
So not a new idea at SR because I read about it a longgg time ago here I'm sure. Still, I think I'll recycle it in Newcomers because it might help someone. For sure, it's helpful to me in this moment.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I think it's good to work in some 'smaller' too. I mean smaller as a concept , smallerizing 'alcohol', the AV makes the world about booze.
That somehow because some many yesterdays were alcohol centric, all tomorrows must also be , you know Its game, Its raison d'etre.
The universe is huge, filled with things, booze is just one, a small fish , yeah? Like an old flame booze still walks the earth , but quitting is severing the relationship.
You can miss it all you want, but why?
That somehow because some many yesterdays were alcohol centric, all tomorrows must also be , you know Its game, Its raison d'etre.
The universe is huge, filled with things, booze is just one, a small fish , yeah? Like an old flame booze still walks the earth , but quitting is severing the relationship.
You can miss it all you want, but why?
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Oh but I won't/don't miss it.
My divorce was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my children. It was a toxic relationship that (in hindsight) contributed to my longest bout with depression to date. I chose to stay. Then one day I was gifted with enormous insight and just Knew What to Do.
Nevertheless, it was extremely difficult to make the decision, to go through the process, to tell the kids, to deal with my sadly defective husband's rages and irrational behavior. Could I have done it better? Probably. But I did it the best I could and that was filled with enormous challenges.
Stopping drinking is simple. Dealing with the concurrent and subsequent "stuff" that was suppressed by my long-term use of alcohol is the hard part for this this sadly defective self of mine.
My divorce was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my children. It was a toxic relationship that (in hindsight) contributed to my longest bout with depression to date. I chose to stay. Then one day I was gifted with enormous insight and just Knew What to Do.
Nevertheless, it was extremely difficult to make the decision, to go through the process, to tell the kids, to deal with my sadly defective husband's rages and irrational behavior. Could I have done it better? Probably. But I did it the best I could and that was filled with enormous challenges.
Stopping drinking is simple. Dealing with the concurrent and subsequent "stuff" that was suppressed by my long-term use of alcohol is the hard part for this this sadly defective self of mine.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I don't consider myself qualified enough to give life advice, nor do I usually consider it my 'place'.
But I am an expert in hearing my inner booze hound tell me that my defectiveness means I have an out to get drunk, no matter how infrequently, no matter how insane contemplating taking that 'out' is while being assured that in itself is evidence of my defectiveness.
Abstinence is simple and as easy as I decide to make it.
"Stuff" sucks, booze can kill ya
But I am an expert in hearing my inner booze hound tell me that my defectiveness means I have an out to get drunk, no matter how infrequently, no matter how insane contemplating taking that 'out' is while being assured that in itself is evidence of my defectiveness.
Abstinence is simple and as easy as I decide to make it.
"Stuff" sucks, booze can kill ya
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
What makes you think I don't get what you're saying?
On reading more carefully, it seems that the reference to myself as defective may be the source of your clarification/comment.
I have defects, just like everyone else. That you are imperfect (I'm assuming here) doesn't lessen my appreciation of your input. That I am imperfect is no reason for me to give my life up to the beast. I was just saying that eliminating the drinking exposes all of my separate-from-drinking soft underbelly stuff and it smarts (no pun intended).
On reading more carefully, it seems that the reference to myself as defective may be the source of your clarification/comment.
I have defects, just like everyone else. That you are imperfect (I'm assuming here) doesn't lessen my appreciation of your input. That I am imperfect is no reason for me to give my life up to the beast. I was just saying that eliminating the drinking exposes all of my separate-from-drinking soft underbelly stuff and it smarts (no pun intended).
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
No need to assume or infer, if I even implied by omission , let me state for the record I'm about six ways crazy, ask my wife , god bless her I don't know she puts up with it sometimes, lol. Hmm might explain the wine, her's, not mine 
But sober as jaybird and had to nail down my Big Plan first. I was about eight ways to crazy prior, so progress
But sober as jaybird and had to nail down my Big Plan first. I was about eight ways to crazy prior, so progress
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It's my pleasure, Tatsy. Let me know how you like it.
So you know about much of my day as it's posted all over SR. There was some fleeting moment of distress/craving, but I didn't write it down immediately so have lost whatever that was.
What I did write down was some stuff in and around IOP. On the way there, I realized I was feeling pretty good (!) and remarked to myself that by-golly the new medication must've kicked in. Sometime during check-in there was an exchange that triggered me; I think it was multiple people remarking on knowing all of the liquor stores and their hours of operation. I still think about that from time-to-time; like I'll look at the time as I'm driving home and say "Thank goodness, the stores are all closed now." But the crazy thing is that there actually is one in my area that actually is still open. My head is hiding things from my own head that's hiding it's own things. Anyhow, I felt antsy but it went away in a few minutes.
Shortly after, I really took in that I'll be down to 2 days of IOP soon and felt my heart seem to beat harder, noticed I was doing that deliberate breathing thing. Spoke about divorcing myself from addiction and was really psyched about the whole deal, but found myself feeling worked up again - edgy and fidgety. Oh maybe that's the Abilify doing this to me? Or maybe not. Maybe it really is helping and I am getting better and I'm going to have to actually DO this sober thing. Scary.
Our third hour education was a presentation from a SMART guy. Second time I've heard him. He said that in SMART, he calls a return to drinking a "lapse" and not a relapse. The idea is to pick yourself up and keep going - you haven't lost anything but a bit of time. Discussion ensued about how that wouldn't work for one of the patients because he needs that consequence of starting over at "Go" (Step One). Butterflies in my stomach, feel like my heart is beating hard but rate is fine, stomach feels sour/refluxy. The beast was pretty pumped about me being excused for a (future) lapse.
As we went along, I got kind of irritated for the same reason I did many years ago. What I got out of SMART was, "change your thinking and you'll get better!" And I didn't get how I could possibly just change my thinking. What I get now is when they talk about "irrational beliefs," that really means "thoughts that are not useful." Now that makes sense. I mean, I have thoughts that are totally rational and could be true, but if the idea is to examine how my thoughts are (or are not) helpful, I get it.
But anyhow, the reason I got bugged is because the guy just HAD to stick to this ABCDE model, where B = belief which really means "thought." I think we've covered that words are important to me, right? Part of that is because I get all confused if the words don't mean what they mean and I'm supposed to understand. I think this is particularly true if someone is trying to help me to get something. On the way out of there, I had a new headache for real. Still have it.
Went grocery shopping. On the way there, I was thinking about how things have changed now that it's just me. Back in the economizing for four days (where much food would be tossed or wasted), I would have rarely considered spending $3.50 on a meal for just one person. This is getting easier for me as I realize that it's just me - and also, I waste very little. Immediately following that line of thinking, I experienced a moment of resentment toward my manipulating ex-boyfriend who spoke early on about skipping meals because he couldn't afford to eat. I went through my cupboards to find things he might be able to use and several weeks later he gave it all back to me, saying something like, "I am particular about what I eat." What a jerk. He just wanted me to take him shopping. Which I did, eventually. What a patsy.
Physically: You know (if you read that monstrosity above)
Mentally: Fired up
Spiritually: Need to settle down a bit. Glad I remembered to say "Thank You!" this morning.
So you know about much of my day as it's posted all over SR. There was some fleeting moment of distress/craving, but I didn't write it down immediately so have lost whatever that was.
What I did write down was some stuff in and around IOP. On the way there, I realized I was feeling pretty good (!) and remarked to myself that by-golly the new medication must've kicked in. Sometime during check-in there was an exchange that triggered me; I think it was multiple people remarking on knowing all of the liquor stores and their hours of operation. I still think about that from time-to-time; like I'll look at the time as I'm driving home and say "Thank goodness, the stores are all closed now." But the crazy thing is that there actually is one in my area that actually is still open. My head is hiding things from my own head that's hiding it's own things. Anyhow, I felt antsy but it went away in a few minutes.
Shortly after, I really took in that I'll be down to 2 days of IOP soon and felt my heart seem to beat harder, noticed I was doing that deliberate breathing thing. Spoke about divorcing myself from addiction and was really psyched about the whole deal, but found myself feeling worked up again - edgy and fidgety. Oh maybe that's the Abilify doing this to me? Or maybe not. Maybe it really is helping and I am getting better and I'm going to have to actually DO this sober thing. Scary.
Our third hour education was a presentation from a SMART guy. Second time I've heard him. He said that in SMART, he calls a return to drinking a "lapse" and not a relapse. The idea is to pick yourself up and keep going - you haven't lost anything but a bit of time. Discussion ensued about how that wouldn't work for one of the patients because he needs that consequence of starting over at "Go" (Step One). Butterflies in my stomach, feel like my heart is beating hard but rate is fine, stomach feels sour/refluxy. The beast was pretty pumped about me being excused for a (future) lapse.
As we went along, I got kind of irritated for the same reason I did many years ago. What I got out of SMART was, "change your thinking and you'll get better!" And I didn't get how I could possibly just change my thinking. What I get now is when they talk about "irrational beliefs," that really means "thoughts that are not useful." Now that makes sense. I mean, I have thoughts that are totally rational and could be true, but if the idea is to examine how my thoughts are (or are not) helpful, I get it.
But anyhow, the reason I got bugged is because the guy just HAD to stick to this ABCDE model, where B = belief which really means "thought." I think we've covered that words are important to me, right? Part of that is because I get all confused if the words don't mean what they mean and I'm supposed to understand. I think this is particularly true if someone is trying to help me to get something. On the way out of there, I had a new headache for real. Still have it.
Went grocery shopping. On the way there, I was thinking about how things have changed now that it's just me. Back in the economizing for four days (where much food would be tossed or wasted), I would have rarely considered spending $3.50 on a meal for just one person. This is getting easier for me as I realize that it's just me - and also, I waste very little. Immediately following that line of thinking, I experienced a moment of resentment toward my manipulating ex-boyfriend who spoke early on about skipping meals because he couldn't afford to eat. I went through my cupboards to find things he might be able to use and several weeks later he gave it all back to me, saying something like, "I am particular about what I eat." What a jerk. He just wanted me to take him shopping. Which I did, eventually. What a patsy.
Physically: You know (if you read that monstrosity above)
Mentally: Fired up
Spiritually: Need to settle down a bit. Glad I remembered to say "Thank You!" this morning.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm happy to report that I have no rambling to do as my mind was quiet while I slept. A gift that is - to not be trying to solve impossible puzzles or be somehow otherwise working in my mind all night long. I suffered with that since... gosh a long time. Maybe 30 years?
Have a return-to-work appointment this afternoon. I'd cross my fingers, but I don't know which direction to choose so I'll just relax.
Physically: Headache, natch. Might be due to reducing the sleep medication.
Mentally: Pretty good, ok, just fine.
Spiritually: It popped into my head this morning that God (or Yahweh, Buddha, Brahman, Creator of All That is Heaven and Earth, Elohim, Mother Nature) is the manifestation of the Aum. A personification of the vastness of that God we can't quite name. This allows people to have a personal relationship with their Higher Power and what I understand to be the Aum. Not sure if that's really what I think but wanted to put it out there. Your thoughts are most welcome.
Have a return-to-work appointment this afternoon. I'd cross my fingers, but I don't know which direction to choose so I'll just relax.
Physically: Headache, natch. Might be due to reducing the sleep medication.
Mentally: Pretty good, ok, just fine.
Spiritually: It popped into my head this morning that God (or Yahweh, Buddha, Brahman, Creator of All That is Heaven and Earth, Elohim, Mother Nature) is the manifestation of the Aum. A personification of the vastness of that God we can't quite name. This allows people to have a personal relationship with their Higher Power and what I understand to be the Aum. Not sure if that's really what I think but wanted to put it out there. Your thoughts are most welcome.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
EAP counselor and IOP counselor are ok signing me off to return to work as long as my therapist is in agreement. He will weigh in after we meet tomorrow. So very likely the day is Tuesday. yikes
I think but am not sure that perhaps the new medication is making me a bit hyper or manic or something. Could be just a boomerang affect I suppose? Asked my kid to call me tomorrow so she can assess and have requested a call from the psychiatrist as well. I just don't want to up the dose if it will intensify the affect.
Had a fairly strong craving today but I'll be danged if I can remember when and why. I think I'm going to need to staple a notepad to my wrist or something.
Asked a couple of people today to help me think about how I could actually pick up the phone before I pick up a drink again (God forbid). I honestly don't know (or maybe I do and I'm hiding it from myself) because it really feels when I "give" like I'm there in the parking lot before I've given the idea any thought whatsoever. Ideas? (With all due respect, aside from a Big Plan, dwtb )
Physically: Gave in and took some ibuprofen and the day-long headache is gone!
Mentally: Hyped up, but starting to get worn out I think
Spiritually: The meeting I attended this evening was on the 3rd step, fitting.
I think but am not sure that perhaps the new medication is making me a bit hyper or manic or something. Could be just a boomerang affect I suppose? Asked my kid to call me tomorrow so she can assess and have requested a call from the psychiatrist as well. I just don't want to up the dose if it will intensify the affect.
Had a fairly strong craving today but I'll be danged if I can remember when and why. I think I'm going to need to staple a notepad to my wrist or something.
Asked a couple of people today to help me think about how I could actually pick up the phone before I pick up a drink again (God forbid). I honestly don't know (or maybe I do and I'm hiding it from myself) because it really feels when I "give" like I'm there in the parking lot before I've given the idea any thought whatsoever. Ideas? (With all due respect, aside from a Big Plan, dwtb
)Physically: Gave in and took some ibuprofen and the day-long headache is gone!
Mentally: Hyped up, but starting to get worn out I think
Spiritually: The meeting I attended this evening was on the 3rd step, fitting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
When I get a craving I stop to think about how much food I have eaten that day. I also think about the why and the what will happen after consuming said drink. The cravings usually go away right after I've consumed fuel for my body.
In the past few weeks there has been cravings more than ever and I know it's stress related. I monitor. I don't act on it.
Also, I think about what the alcohol will do to my body and how that would affect running the next day.
In the past few weeks there has been cravings more than ever and I know it's stress related. I monitor. I don't act on it.
Also, I think about what the alcohol will do to my body and how that would affect running the next day.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
