It Is, Quite Literally, Always A New Day
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It Is, Quite Literally, Always A New Day
... and what I choose to do with this new day that just broke is entirely up to me.
I choose sobriety.
I choose to live with integrity.
I choose to be willing, open and honest.
In short, I choose to do my level best to become the best version of myself.
And now with a wave to all friends old and new, I choose to go to bed.
I choose sobriety.
I choose to live with integrity.
I choose to be willing, open and honest.
In short, I choose to do my level best to become the best version of myself.
And now with a wave to all friends old and new, I choose to go to bed.
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
At the moment, I am frenetically purging and cleaning the house, as I am finally for the first time living by myself in 34 years. It feels fantastic! The possibilities and opportunities for space and "stuff" are now entirely up to me.
A good physical metaphor for recovery, aina?
I'll be back later, and will start with my first check-in as learned in rehab which I intend to do here twice daily.
How I am today:
Physically: On the mend
Mentally: Keen & Giddy
Spiritually: Gifted with grace
A good physical metaphor for recovery, aina?
I'll be back later, and will start with my first check-in as learned in rehab which I intend to do here twice daily.
How I am today:
Physically: On the mend
Mentally: Keen & Giddy
Spiritually: Gifted with grace
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Got a LOT of stuff done today and there is a LOT more to do just to get to the point of being able to do a thorough cleaning job. Then there's painting and replacing the carpet and figuring out what to do about the crappy metal folding doors...
But anyhow, about recovery.
I've been sober for 5 days and will stay that way. "But Obladi, we've heard you say this before. What's different this time?" At the risk of sounding flippant, I would say it's that I truly feel different.
Less flippantly, I'm pretty certain that every other time I've said I was done, the thought of drinking in the future has always been in the back of my brain. Sometimes a variation of this at times - simply ignoring the very real possibility that I could relapse and so I'd best figure out my strategy to avoid going there. Oh sure, I knew my strategy, I just didn't implement any of it when the time came. Turns out that I need to implement the tools before the relapse that happens before the drink. Go figure!
So a lot of things happened in the in-between and perhaps I will share those stories later in case anyone might benefit. But for now, I'm just happy to be back.
Tonight
Physically: Tired & feeling fat
Mentally: Calm
Spiritually: Paying attention
But anyhow, about recovery.
I've been sober for 5 days and will stay that way. "But Obladi, we've heard you say this before. What's different this time?" At the risk of sounding flippant, I would say it's that I truly feel different.
Less flippantly, I'm pretty certain that every other time I've said I was done, the thought of drinking in the future has always been in the back of my brain. Sometimes a variation of this at times - simply ignoring the very real possibility that I could relapse and so I'd best figure out my strategy to avoid going there. Oh sure, I knew my strategy, I just didn't implement any of it when the time came. Turns out that I need to implement the tools before the relapse that happens before the drink. Go figure!
So a lot of things happened in the in-between and perhaps I will share those stories later in case anyone might benefit. But for now, I'm just happy to be back.
Tonight
Physically: Tired & feeling fat
Mentally: Calm
Spiritually: Paying attention
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I went to an AA meeting Saturday and another last night - the first since I'd been "out of the rooms" starting sometime in June. I was welcomed warmly, and that was no surprise because this is how I've found the fellowship to be. Not surprising, but heart-warming nonetheless.
For the first time ever, I witnessed someone responding directly and frankly to the chairperson. Normally that would seem out of line, but in this particular instance, it was clear that a number of us needed to hear his message: remember we are alcoholics and resentment is a deadly business. Indeed.
Checking In:
Physically - Rested
Mentally - Gaining Focus
Spiritually - Blessed
For the first time ever, I witnessed someone responding directly and frankly to the chairperson. Normally that would seem out of line, but in this particular instance, it was clear that a number of us needed to hear his message: remember we are alcoholics and resentment is a deadly business. Indeed.
Checking In:
Physically - Rested
Mentally - Gaining Focus
Spiritually - Blessed
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
DanG, PhoenixJ! I could hear that shoutout all the way over here! 
Funny (wonderful) thing about your observation:
At my very favorite meeting Saturday one of my very favorite guys asked me how I was doing. I responded that I was doing great. He said, "I know. I can see it in your eyes.
And today I went to a meeting I'd never attended because I'm usually at work at that time. Afterwards, the secretary was over the moon excited for me - he said he could see that I was in exactly the right state of consciousness to do this thing.
How cool is that?
I'm exhausted after a long day of continued reclamation (reclaiming?) of my space then Intensive Outpatient from 5:30-8:30, need to get to bed.
Evening check in:
Physically: Sleepy
Mentally: Like I've got a ping pong ball in my head
Spiritually: Grateful for another chance to get this right
Funny (wonderful) thing about your observation:
At my very favorite meeting Saturday one of my very favorite guys asked me how I was doing. I responded that I was doing great. He said, "I know. I can see it in your eyes.
And today I went to a meeting I'd never attended because I'm usually at work at that time. Afterwards, the secretary was over the moon excited for me - he said he could see that I was in exactly the right state of consciousness to do this thing.
How cool is that?
I'm exhausted after a long day of continued reclamation (reclaiming?) of my space then Intensive Outpatient from 5:30-8:30, need to get to bed.
Evening check in:
Physically: Sleepy
Mentally: Like I've got a ping pong ball in my head
Spiritually: Grateful for another chance to get this right
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I think it's a good sign that I've been so busy with all of my morning self-care recovery stuff that I'm just now getting to posting. I'll have to tighten that up some by the time I am released back to work or I'll have to be getting up at 3am. 
Physically: Great, but I need to be careful with my old back as it's a bit sore from actually doing things.
Mentally: Alert. This morning has delivered so many lessons/reminders/connections that I have had to write them down immediately lest I lose them.
Spiritually: Paying Attention!!
Self-care recovery stuff:
* I've three white boards in my home. One is literally a schedule of what I need/want to do each day. I don't follow it precisely, but simply having the schedule helps me to keep moving. The second is for reminders of upcoming appointments, things I don't want to forget about doing, and thoughts. The third is a calendar where I am tracking my contact with "Team Obladi." I know I need to keep in touch with people who care, but carrying that around in my head wasn't making that happen. The calendar is. How I love my whiteboards!
* A friend sends me small readings/meditations each day. Today's was about using bad things that happened as a platform from which we can help each other. Perfect for where I'm at! Funny thing is that those readings were "meh" when I was drinking and now that I'm sober, they are spot on.
* Music. When I was drinking I was isolated in my room streaming videos with my headset on. Now that I am comfortable in other areas of the house, I'm playing music pretty much from morning til night. How I love my music!
So now I need to get back to reclaiming my space.
p.s. Intensive Outpatient (IOP) is a much better experience this second go-round. I am almost looking forward to going tonight.
Physically: Great, but I need to be careful with my old back as it's a bit sore from actually doing things.
Mentally: Alert. This morning has delivered so many lessons/reminders/connections that I have had to write them down immediately lest I lose them.
Spiritually: Paying Attention!!
Self-care recovery stuff:
* I've three white boards in my home. One is literally a schedule of what I need/want to do each day. I don't follow it precisely, but simply having the schedule helps me to keep moving. The second is for reminders of upcoming appointments, things I don't want to forget about doing, and thoughts. The third is a calendar where I am tracking my contact with "Team Obladi." I know I need to keep in touch with people who care, but carrying that around in my head wasn't making that happen. The calendar is. How I love my whiteboards!
* A friend sends me small readings/meditations each day. Today's was about using bad things that happened as a platform from which we can help each other. Perfect for where I'm at! Funny thing is that those readings were "meh" when I was drinking and now that I'm sober, they are spot on.
* Music. When I was drinking I was isolated in my room streaming videos with my headset on. Now that I am comfortable in other areas of the house, I'm playing music pretty much from morning til night. How I love my music!
So now I need to get back to reclaiming my space.
p.s. Intensive Outpatient (IOP) is a much better experience this second go-round. I am almost looking forward to going tonight.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
how great you can enjoy music, Obladi!
for many, me included, music is so very tightly associated with drinking that it was really not something i could do without major discomfort and restlessness, and many entire cd's i had to avoid for a long time.
love the whiteboard idea!
for many, me included, music is so very tightly associated with drinking that it was really not something i could do without major discomfort and restlessness, and many entire cd's i had to avoid for a long time.
love the whiteboard idea!
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Glad to hear this is good reading material for you, 2ndhandrose. I aim to please, but not too much. Still gotta be me.
Fini, is that any kind of music? Classical, jazz, hip hop, show tunes, R&B, country, indie, pop, classic rock, motown, opera, ragtime, cajun, folk...? I'm sad that you can't listen to music and hold out hope that there may be a genre you can enjoy now that you didn't listen to then. Want me to send you some new CDs?
Ok so this afternoon I descended into the dungeon where a troll used to reside. (She wasn't a troll really, but it makes the story better, don't you think?) I found a number of interesting things including approximately 5 cell phone and 4 ipod chargers. And here I thought she was eating the things! Also found a kitchen knife of the large variety. BEST FIND OF ALL: A little one inch petrified frog! Just frozen there under the bed. Wonder what happened there.
IOP was good again. I am now convinced that it truly is different this go-round and it's not just about "where I am." The staff I didn't care for are no longer there, the groups are smaller, and discussion between the patients during group is encouraged/fostered rather than being directed by the counselors. We had a great discussion tonight about honesty, taking control, and feeling overwhelmed. They were to be three separate topics, but as we talked, we found they were all related. Neat.
Returned home and went downstairs to make the bed in what I will henceforth refer to as "the guest room." There are just a few more things to do in there and I'll be on to my next project!
Signing off:
Physically - back is a little sore, otherwise I feel pretty good
Mentally - Neurons are firing but they are a bit sleepy and need a rest
Spiritually - Just plain good, maybe warm
Fini, is that any kind of music? Classical, jazz, hip hop, show tunes, R&B, country, indie, pop, classic rock, motown, opera, ragtime, cajun, folk...? I'm sad that you can't listen to music and hold out hope that there may be a genre you can enjoy now that you didn't listen to then. Want me to send you some new CDs?
Ok so this afternoon I descended into the dungeon where a troll used to reside. (She wasn't a troll really, but it makes the story better, don't you think?) I found a number of interesting things including approximately 5 cell phone and 4 ipod chargers. And here I thought she was eating the things! Also found a kitchen knife of the large variety. BEST FIND OF ALL: A little one inch petrified frog! Just frozen there under the bed. Wonder what happened there.
IOP was good again. I am now convinced that it truly is different this go-round and it's not just about "where I am." The staff I didn't care for are no longer there, the groups are smaller, and discussion between the patients during group is encouraged/fostered rather than being directed by the counselors. We had a great discussion tonight about honesty, taking control, and feeling overwhelmed. They were to be three separate topics, but as we talked, we found they were all related. Neat.
Returned home and went downstairs to make the bed in what I will henceforth refer to as "the guest room." There are just a few more things to do in there and I'll be on to my next project!
Signing off:
Physically - back is a little sore, otherwise I feel pretty good
Mentally - Neurons are firing but they are a bit sleepy and need a rest
Spiritually - Just plain good, maybe warm
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
p.s. Rose and everybody, please feel free to comment, query or otherwise participate. This is my story but the reason I post here as opposed to in a journal is to share and to learn. Namaste.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
thanks, Obladi, but the music difficulties are long in the past. it was a difficulty i had when newly sober.
i got over it
quite the finds in the bedroom!
i found a knife in my then-16-year-old daughter's room once, next to the vodka.
was a bad scene, but kid got through that 'phase' okay. as did i, with her.
i got over it
quite the finds in the bedroom!
i found a knife in my then-16-year-old daughter's room once, next to the vodka.
was a bad scene, but kid got through that 'phase' okay. as did i, with her.
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