When family decides you are just a looser...

Old 04-12-2017, 12:16 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
futureve's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 42
Cool When family decides you are just a looser...

A year ago, my cousin (22-year old) exploded on me, insulting me, calling me a nothing, a looser, telling me I was good for nothing, that I had done nothing with my life, a parasite, and the list goes on and on. I had just come out of rehab and was trying to rebuild my life as well as I could. I have to face that cousin every day at work and I tried really hard to put what he said in perspective, to not let it overwhelm me but with this recent relapse, of course, his words are pounding in the ears loud and clear... I have to cross him in the hallways and I feel a lot of resentment as well. As he was growing up, he would insult me, tell me nasty things... He never liked me very much obviously. When issues with my addiction came up, of course his hatred grew and he became disgusted with me. Today, with my recent relapse, his opinion is really yelling at me... Today is challenging... I am at work. I am on day 3. I have so much work. I also have a company that is not doing too well and taxes are... As you can imagine... So sorry to be bothering everyone with all my stories. I really want to make it. And I do feel very lonely... I know that it is safe for me to share here... Hoping everyone is having a good day...

futureve is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 12:48 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
MarkTwain's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 216
I hear you. You feel like a loser. You are lonely.

I'm painfully aware of what that feels like because after all these years I still feel that way at times...maybe not often, and not for long, but painfully and sometimes.

You were in rehab. Did you have a plan when you got out? Did you work the plan with all your heart? Are you reaching out to a community of people who have the same problem you have?

Speaking of having a good day...there is the old saying, "My best day drinking was worse than my worse day now."

It's probably not really true and may even be a little stupid to say such a thing, but there is something to the gist of it.
MarkTwain is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 12:50 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think about the stupid things your cousin says. Any nasty shi**y comments your cousin makes about you or to you reflect far more on him they do on you. Doesn't sound to me like he's a very nice human being. Ppl make mistakes. Kind of hypocritical of him to call you out on your addictions or relapse when I'm sure he's totally perfect and had never made a mistake. F**k him. You do what you do and work on being the best you that you can. We believe in you. =)
NewRomanMan is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 01:06 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
silentrun's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,239
It sounds like he probably thinks that he is a loser and doesn't have the balls to turn and face up to it. Instead he is putting that pain off on you. Whatever he calls you are just things he thinks about himself. You are none of those things.
silentrun is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 01:07 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Do your best
Soberwolf's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,043
Try not to let it get to you - grats on day 3
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 02:22 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
doggonecarl's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,955
One cousin doesn't make up a family. Move on from torturing yourself about what this person thinks.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 03:07 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Keeping it simple!
LadyinBC's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,284
What someone thinks of you is none of your business. Always remember that.
LadyinBC is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 05:32 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Gottalife's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,594
My sister did the same thing. Also a nurse from a rehab told me I would never get sober unless I went there. Today sister is a drinking alcoholic, nurse from rehab died an alcoholic death after the rehab closed. What they were talking about was more about them than me. Neither had the power to make me drink. I stayed sober, by the grace of God and AA.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 04-12-2017, 06:16 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Done4today's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Is your cousin paying rent? If not then don't let him have that space in your head. Pray for him daily.
Done4today is offline  
Old 04-13-2017, 06:20 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Berrybean's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
Originally Posted by futureve View Post
... his words are pounding in the ears loud and clear... I have to cross him in the hallways and I feel a lot of resentment as well. .. I really want to make it. And I do feel very lonely... I know that it is safe for me to share here... Hoping everyone is having a good day...

You know, sometimes our AV is sh**-hot at homing in on the cracks in our shells to get us to drink again. Sounds like you don't like him much, and he doesn't like you much. Can you maybe find some acceptance on the fact that you're two different people and sometimes people don't like each other much, even when we're related.

I often got most resentful towards the people I owed amends to but could not bring myself to make them. Obviously, I have no idea whether this might be the case for you here, but it might be worth exploring. Even if you feel at the moment that his part in the estranged relationship is bigger than your own, it still sometimes helps if we can at least admit our own part in things to ourself and another person. Helps get some perspective on things. Once we see our own part in things it's easier to find some hope for making things better in future relationships because we can see what we need to avoid doing.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with my favourite version of the serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change.
The courage to change the person I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Why not get yourself to some AA meetings. The experience, strength and hope and fellowship of others who DO understand what we're going through makes it a lot easier to cope with the attitudes of people who cannot (or do not want to) understand our predicament.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Berrybean is offline  
Old 04-13-2017, 08:50 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
fini's Avatar
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,206
it gets easier, futureve.

what they're saying is about them, really, about their need somehow to feel bigger and better by diminishing others.
stay focused on what you need to do to not get sucked into that spiral he's throwing your way, and keep going with the stuff you're doing to stay sober.
fini is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:01 PM.