Originally Posted by
futureve 
... his words are pounding in the ears loud and clear... I have to cross him in the hallways and I feel a lot of resentment as well. .. I really want to make it. And I do feel very lonely... I know that it is safe for me to share here... Hoping everyone is having a good day...
You know, sometimes our AV is sh**-hot at homing in on the cracks in our shells to get us to drink again. Sounds like you don't like him much, and he doesn't like you much. Can you maybe find some acceptance on the fact that you're two different people and sometimes people don't like each other much, even when we're related.
I often got most resentful towards the people I owed amends to but could not bring myself to make them. Obviously, I have no idea whether this might be the case for you here, but it might be worth exploring. Even if you feel at the moment that his part in the estranged relationship is bigger than your own, it still sometimes helps if we can at least admit our own part in things to ourself and another person. Helps get some perspective on things. Once we see our own part in things it's easier to find some hope for making things better in future relationships because we can see what we need to avoid doing.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with my favourite version of the serenity prayer...
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change.
The courage to change the person I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Why not get yourself to some AA meetings. The experience, strength and hope and fellowship of others who DO understand what we're going through makes it a lot easier to cope with the attitudes of people who cannot (or do not want to) understand our predicament.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB