timeforchange78

Long story tried to be made short...please admin place this post in the right spot if I didn't.

I've struggled with alcoholism for roughly 7 years, started partying hard on weekends and ended up drinking pretty much every night by the age of 24/25. I'm currently 26.

Went into a treatment facility on October 10th, had a wonderful month of sobriety and met some great people. Got out of treatment and slipped up here and there immediately. One of person I met in treatment I started talking to over Facebook (treatment facility allowed internet in the evening) and once he finished treatment roughly 2 weeks later we started hanging out.

Once he was out, I ended up staying over for 3-4 nights at a time, me using his place to escape and drink at (since I am back with my parents), completely forgetting everything I learned in treatment. He would try to persuade me not to drink but I still did it. Soon enough he started drinking with me (even though his main problem was meth and he hadn't drank in years).

This has been a constant cycle of staying over at his place for a few days then coming home for a few, repeat. Parents finally decided I have to be out by Jan. 15th. I'm currently trying to get into a sober living facility but screwed it up once because I didn't show for assessment.

On the other side of things, I've grown feelings for this person. He has 5 kids, has custody of 3. And is 10 years older than me. He's an ex gang member and I have a feeling he's been lying to me about what he's been doing but he flat out denies. Swears he loves me more than I know, would protect me from anything, and will be there if I need a place to live when I'm kicked out on the 15th. Besides that, he's bought me plenty clothing trying to spoil me because he wants me to have "anything I need".

I'm so confused right now and feel like I just addicted myself to someone I normally wouldn't go for, and debated staying with him instead of going to sober living. We've both agreed to stop using but I feel like I keep creating problems for myself.

I'm sorry if this post is out of rules or whatever, but had to get this off my chest.

Thanks in advance to any replies

Dee74

I think it's easy to replace an addiction for a substance for an addiction to love, belongings or a person...and then that can lead back to substance abuse if you're both susceptible.

I think you know there's a lot of alarm bells clanging here.

Honestly, I'd back away completely and let him know your recovery has to come first (his should be his top priority too).

D

timeforchange78

Thanks, well put. We should prioritize our sobriety, both on our own.

waynetheking

One thing is for sure. You're going to have to quit drinking if you want to make any sense of your life at all. I hope you find sobriety soon. I think you need a plan. Can we help with that?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back timeforchange. I'd agree that it's probably very unhealthy for you to continue the relationship with this person. Also call rhe sober living facility to see if you can reschedule the assessment. Rehab can be a great place to get started in sobriety, but it's only the very beginning of the processes. You've got to surround yourself with supportive people and avoid those that may not understand or appreciate your need to be sober. I would bet that there are aftercare or outpatient programs available from the rehab you were at, give them a call too. And don't ever forget the large community of support here on SR that is online 24/7 365 days a year.

NYCDoglvr

An early sponsor called it "trading up addictions". Can be food, money, gambling and other people. We become obsessed with another person to avoid feelings. Have you considered AA?