Aellyce

Also, just had the full physical, blood work, whatnot initiated yesterday. I and my doctors will have results in a few days. Then we can hopefully make a plan for me that is informed both medically and psychologically.

Where is Robby?

Next week, I hope

sugarbear1

Robby is watching us now.

Hugs and Love to you

Aellyce

I admit that I've had quite a few really ugly and persistent urges to drink, or even more, to drink and drug all together... I've been trying to defeat them with my good old mental and physical methods. Also went to a few meetings. Husband came with me as well. I must admit that I do have sometimes intense desires to just break/blow all of it. But so far I am hanging on in.

I wonder if I should try something I had not tried before (e.g. work the 12 steps)? Or perhaps better to continue to relax and not introduce new things? Suggestions?

sleepie

Take care Aellyce don't hurt yourself over this with drinks and drugs, you have a lot to give.

zjw

well this is crap news alleyce. if anything good can come out of this your advice to me was very beneficial for what its worth.

hang in there. I think these things happen for a reason even tho it still Stinks and we might not ever know why.

shaking my head here crap news.

Aellyce

Me too, crap news (I mean I even had surgery to hold the baby), and on repeat. And so what? I don't think I thought that it's a reason, or justification, to give up living a good life. Not in my agenda (no matter what loss), and not in my husband's. He was there with me both times in the hospital when we lost the child. We have a kind of connection... I don't know how to transmit it through the interwebs, but a connection where we wanted to know and understand each-other's pasts and everything, then met in the first place in a very unaligned setting as friends, and finally when I was almost a year sober, as romantic partners. If he ever wanted to re-consider or leave, he would be free and without a word from me. But, for some reason, he won't leave not even if I am harsh about it, not even if I wanted to throw him out. Or me throw me out, due to my alcoholism of anything. We don't want to separate.

I do keep in mind what ..... if we wanted to separate due to this, but so far we don't.

silentrun

Hugs.

Dee74

I've never been a parent, so this is out of my experience but maybe other parents who've been though a loss like this can suggest good books to read etc?

D

Aellyce

zjw

No sense I. Separating this sort of stuff can draw you closer and help you appreciate having each other all the more if anything it can make the bonds stronger all the things you guys have been through together. My wife and I have been through a lot good and bad and all its done is bring us closer.

zjw

Wife said to check out stillbirthday.com

Aellyce

So, go ahead. Perhaps still look at the website together with her?

Dee74

I think it was meant as a suggestion for you, aellyce?

D

Aellyce

Dee, you are right. I apologize, zjw! I think I'm just still upset about my experience and as a consequence, read into things "messages" that are not out there, only in my mind. I am sorry about that.

Yet another good reason to keep it low key for a while, no matter how much I don't want to stop (thinking and doing things).

Dee74

No need to apologise as far as I can see Aellyce

D

Venecia

Thinking of you, Aellyce.

I wish I knew what more to say. You've been through so much.

Just know that I care about you.

Aellyce

Thanks so much, friends, once again.

So right now I'm still like

And prefer to

But brighter days will come and I already see them, just not yet ready to express. But it'll come as always

Aellyce

^^representative of hypomania, once again. I know. Working on it with my doctor, OB/GYN, psychiatrist, therapist, husband... Also trying to find new dimensions in my addiction recovery. Btw, I must admit I had a relapse with alcohol recently. I did drink again. So, 2 year greatness... down on only I know where.

But I'm back