Anger
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
Anger
Help! Is anger, or has anger been a big part of the beginning of your sobriety? I use the word sobriety, because I've never quite felt like I've been in recovery. I don't even know what recovery really means! I've only been sober for three days this time around.
I've been feeling a lot of anger this evening. It seems as if it's beyond my control.
I've been feeling a lot of anger this evening. It seems as if it's beyond my control.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sober three days. That great. I imagine your addiction is fuming. You've probably drowned a lot of anger in alcohol. And now that you've stopped, you don't know how to handle it. That, and your addiction is making you extra angry hoping you'll drink.
What does recovery mean? If you can be angry and not drink over it, that's a start. Learn to quell your anger and that's applying recovery to your alcoholism.
Welcome back.
What does recovery mean? If you can be angry and not drink over it, that's a start. Learn to quell your anger and that's applying recovery to your alcoholism.
Welcome back.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Linz,
anger has been a big part of my life. period.
and often it can be a motivator for me to make changes. but not always. not by a long shot.
and often it has felt simply overpowering.
when i got sober, after a couple of years, i realized just how often, how quickly and how disproportionally angry i got. turned out i was depressed.
just saying: you've taken the anaesthesia away. early sobriety is raw. exposed nerves.
it's very early days, so what you'll be feeling from hour to hour or even minute to minute can change quickly.
if you can, detach from it. just watch yourself being angry. or try some "self-soothing" things, such as deep breaths. going for a walk. the bath-thing.
congratulations on three days. keep going and things will change.
anger has been a big part of my life. period.
and often it can be a motivator for me to make changes. but not always. not by a long shot.
and often it has felt simply overpowering.
when i got sober, after a couple of years, i realized just how often, how quickly and how disproportionally angry i got. turned out i was depressed.
just saying: you've taken the anaesthesia away. early sobriety is raw. exposed nerves.
it's very early days, so what you'll be feeling from hour to hour or even minute to minute can change quickly.
if you can, detach from it. just watch yourself being angry. or try some "self-soothing" things, such as deep breaths. going for a walk. the bath-thing.
congratulations on three days. keep going and things will change.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Oh yes.
When they get sober a lot of people cry. I didn't...I got angry. I was infuriated with everything and everyone. I was so angry I would get in my car and beat my fists on the steering wheel and just scream. Only later, several months later, did I learn that the sadness was my anger unmasked. And then I cried. A LOT.
What you're feeling is normal. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself be angry. Treat yourself with tenderness.
Go get a new pair of jammies, some slippers and a netflix subscription. Settle in and relax as much as you can right now. Sobriety is a wild ride...buckle up! It's so worth it! Welcome and congrats on your new sobriety. It's a gift. Treat it as such.
When they get sober a lot of people cry. I didn't...I got angry. I was infuriated with everything and everyone. I was so angry I would get in my car and beat my fists on the steering wheel and just scream. Only later, several months later, did I learn that the sadness was my anger unmasked. And then I cried. A LOT.
What you're feeling is normal. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself be angry. Treat yourself with tenderness.
Go get a new pair of jammies, some slippers and a netflix subscription. Settle in and relax as much as you can right now. Sobriety is a wild ride...buckle up! It's so worth it! Welcome and congrats on your new sobriety. It's a gift. Treat it as such.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Nevada
Posts: 157
Good job on 3 days... Can be the hardest...I had a ton of anger for about 7 months...Not all gory though. If you can I would see a psychologist if you can. I think stepping outside the box is worth it..... Peace....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sounds like it's worth investigating 'Recovery'. Why settle for sobriety when you could have recovery, and find a place of peace and serenity, and growth that helps you deal with life on life's terms without becoming disturbed (full of anger; anxiety; or self-pity) or at least helps you recognise when you are disturbed so you can start to work through it rather than wallow in it (which is what I was always prone to doing before - now I look for a way out of those pits).
Reading / rereading these threads might be a good place to start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
And in the meantime you could check the other HALT triggers (sometimes a couple of them come out to play together, then one or the other or both can get REALLY strong), stay hydrated, practice some deep breathing, watch your old fave cartoon from childhood, meet a friend for coffee - just don't sit there looking at that anger, it'll just thrive on the attention. My Anger can be such a big show off
It might help if you can try to think of these emotions as not PART of you, but things that come and go. Saying 'I am angry' can be quite different (when we start to deal with it) than saying 'I feel anger'. Often it can take a while for me to even get to the stage that I even want to let go of the anger - not that I feel anger often now, but when I do, it is like a tsunami. But, once I have honestly decided that I do want to feel better, and am willing to let go of my clammy vice-like grip of it, then the anger can be pushed away (I like to imagine my deep relaxing breaths blowing it away like a big toxic cloud). If I feel anger about something in particular, then acceptance is my best friend. Acceptance isn't me saying that something is fair or okay. It's about realising when I can't control something, and that dwelling on it only causes me discomfort, and is a waste of my energy and time (that could be better used in doing something happy or calm making).
Hope you feel better soon
Reading / rereading these threads might be a good place to start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
And in the meantime you could check the other HALT triggers (sometimes a couple of them come out to play together, then one or the other or both can get REALLY strong), stay hydrated, practice some deep breathing, watch your old fave cartoon from childhood, meet a friend for coffee - just don't sit there looking at that anger, it'll just thrive on the attention. My Anger can be such a big show off
It might help if you can try to think of these emotions as not PART of you, but things that come and go. Saying 'I am angry' can be quite different (when we start to deal with it) than saying 'I feel anger'. Often it can take a while for me to even get to the stage that I even want to let go of the anger - not that I feel anger often now, but when I do, it is like a tsunami. But, once I have honestly decided that I do want to feel better, and am willing to let go of my clammy vice-like grip of it, then the anger can be pushed away (I like to imagine my deep relaxing breaths blowing it away like a big toxic cloud). If I feel anger about something in particular, then acceptance is my best friend. Acceptance isn't me saying that something is fair or okay. It's about realising when I can't control something, and that dwelling on it only causes me discomfort, and is a waste of my energy and time (that could be better used in doing something happy or calm making).
Hope you feel better soon
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