Still out running
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Still out running
Dammit. Tried this thing so many times. I'm still out running. After so many attempts, I keep going back. 5,6, and 9 months of sobriety. Always go back. I love beer and what it does for me. Until lately. It's not as much fun. And it's every night. Can't even get 1 night. ****. I don't think I can kick this ****. I give up. I will definitely lose my wife and 2 beautiful girls. And my career It's inevitable Tonight I was making snores with my girls. At least 10 deep. And I let my little girl grab the stick to put the new mellow on after I just took it out of the fire. She burned her hand. My wife lost her mind. And the only thing I'm thinking is ****, she's made at me. How am I going to get my next beer without getting yelled at. What the he'll is wrong with me.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Good to see you back.
What's "wrong" with you is what brings us all here , the "love" of the beer or buzz. And also that you see at some level what that costs us or those around us, and hopefully seeing that that " love" is not worth it, that any "worth" in it comes from the addiction itself.
It doesn't have to be this way, you can decide to done with it.
Wish you well, hope to see you around
What's "wrong" with you is what brings us all here , the "love" of the beer or buzz. And also that you see at some level what that costs us or those around us, and hopefully seeing that that " love" is not worth it, that any "worth" in it comes from the addiction itself.
It doesn't have to be this way, you can decide to done with it.
Wish you well, hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
What the he'll is wrong with me.
how about a question mark after this and then your best answers.
how about some right now, while drinking, and then some answers in clear light of hungover day?
no, i'm not being sarcastic.
getting honest about just what was wrong with me saved my butt.
how about a question mark after this and then your best answers.
how about some right now, while drinking, and then some answers in clear light of hungover day?
no, i'm not being sarcastic.
getting honest about just what was wrong with me saved my butt.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Seems to me that with all you have at stake, surrender is not an option. You have your personal life, your family life, and the safety and health of all involved at stake.
You know what you have to do, and it ain't giving up, right?
You know what you have to do, and it ain't giving up, right?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
If you can stop for that much time,
You. can. do. this.
The main thing for me was getting stopped and then getting my mind around the other bit -- not starting again.
Since you know how to get stopped, why don't you do that, and then figure out how not to start again.
I know it will be hard, i am not down playing that at all, but You. Can. Do. This.
For me, at some point I just knew that I could not drink again ever. Sounds to me like you are there and its scaring you, as it did all of us.
Go for it. You are worth it, and your family.
You. can. do. this.
The main thing for me was getting stopped and then getting my mind around the other bit -- not starting again.
Since you know how to get stopped, why don't you do that, and then figure out how not to start again.
I know it will be hard, i am not down playing that at all, but You. Can. Do. This.
For me, at some point I just knew that I could not drink again ever. Sounds to me like you are there and its scaring you, as it did all of us.
Go for it. You are worth it, and your family.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,835
Originally Posted by MB8 
What the he'll is wrong with me.
What the hell was wrong with me??? I was an alcoholic. Who was going to fix that??? Not my family, not my friends, it was up to me. But first, I had to surrender. Not easy, but it's the ONLY thing that saved my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Come on........ tiny steps at first, you CAN do this! You've done it before and this time it has to stick.
Got to say, I'm with your wife over your daughter's burned hand. But I swear I'm not judging you, my behaviour under the influence has been disgusting many times. Time to get better though.
Good luck.
xx
Got to say, I'm with your wife over your daughter's burned hand. But I swear I'm not judging you, my behaviour under the influence has been disgusting many times. Time to get better though.
Good luck.
xx
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi, MBB. I can't judge where you are because I've been there too. Take my story for what it's worth -- does any of it apply to you?
I got popped for DWI in October. Totaled my car. Could have killed someone. For me, that's where I had to draw the line. Realizing that I had become a danger not only to myself, but to others.
I was like you (but less successful)--quitting once in a while on my own and then relapsing. Finally I gave up on my "do it yourself" plan which obviously wasn't working and got professional medical and intensive outpatient help. It put me in the poorhouse, but better the poorhouse than an early grave. Best decision I've ever made in my life.
Once you're dried out, you'll need a plan to stop the relapse cycle, but for now, let's get your first day sober. How can we help you with that?
I got popped for DWI in October. Totaled my car. Could have killed someone. For me, that's where I had to draw the line. Realizing that I had become a danger not only to myself, but to others.
I was like you (but less successful)--quitting once in a while on my own and then relapsing. Finally I gave up on my "do it yourself" plan which obviously wasn't working and got professional medical and intensive outpatient help. It put me in the poorhouse, but better the poorhouse than an early grave. Best decision I've ever made in my life.
Once you're dried out, you'll need a plan to stop the relapse cycle, but for now, let's get your first day sober. How can we help you with that?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I love beer and what it does for me. Until lately. It's not as much fun.
I can relate to this statement.. Get a good recovery plan together and do it. You've done it before.. When it becomes no fun it's time to give it up.. The poison reaches havoc on your body and mind!! Good luck to you my friend! You can do it!!
I can relate to this statement.. Get a good recovery plan together and do it. You've done it before.. When it becomes no fun it's time to give it up.. The poison reaches havoc on your body and mind!! Good luck to you my friend! You can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
''What the hell is wrong with me ?''.
Well you may not like the answer ? Selfishness and Self centeredness ''and your ''love of alcohol '' is the ''root '' cause of all your problems , you are responsible for everything that is happening to you .
It may sound harsh but its true , stopping drinking as you have proved is very easy!! but ''staying stopped '' is what sobriety is all about .
You know you need to have a plan to begin with , but you need to learn from the past and build in some insurance policies like attending AA getting to meetings , not trying to do it alone , getting to meetings gives you hope and understanding along with identification , if you keep doing the same things and expecting different results that is insane thinking . Give yourself and family a break go to a meeting and ask for help and it will make stopping a lot easier , you also need to learn to think differently, and you will only learn how to be successful at it, by being among like minded people . take care .
Regards Stevie sober 12 03 2006 .
If a man hears a different drummer ? let in march to the drum he hears !
Well you may not like the answer ? Selfishness and Self centeredness ''and your ''love of alcohol '' is the ''root '' cause of all your problems , you are responsible for everything that is happening to you .
It may sound harsh but its true , stopping drinking as you have proved is very easy!! but ''staying stopped '' is what sobriety is all about .
You know you need to have a plan to begin with , but you need to learn from the past and build in some insurance policies like attending AA getting to meetings , not trying to do it alone , getting to meetings gives you hope and understanding along with identification , if you keep doing the same things and expecting different results that is insane thinking . Give yourself and family a break go to a meeting and ask for help and it will make stopping a lot easier , you also need to learn to think differently, and you will only learn how to be successful at it, by being among like minded people . take care .
Regards Stevie sober 12 03 2006 .
If a man hears a different drummer ? let in march to the drum he hears !
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I loved alcohol and what it did for me too, until I stayed stopped and recognized that feeling for what it really was - addiction. 
It truly does nothing positive for you, and if you think about it, what it does for you is trash your life to the point that you don't care about genuinely important things - wife, kids career.
If you've quit for many months before and went back, why? Seriously, thinking about why helps keep you from making the same mistakes next time. If you haven't been getting support, that might be mistake number one. If you have, maybe more or different support?
It truly does nothing positive for you, and if you think about it, what it does for you is trash your life to the point that you don't care about genuinely important things - wife, kids career.If you've quit for many months before and went back, why? Seriously, thinking about why helps keep you from making the same mistakes next time. If you haven't been getting support, that might be mistake number one. If you have, maybe more or different support?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
My daughters hand is fine, thank god. Just a minor little burn. Thanks for asking. I can't answer the question " why I keep going back?" I always think it's going to be " different this time ". It brings me back to the definition of insanity. It never ends up being different. Starts off good. Just on weekend..... Or just special occasions.... Always ends up every night. The hardest thing for me is I have never truly lost anything. ( other than dignity a bunch of times ). I have an incredible career that I do really well financially. Nice house, cars, wife, kids, etc. "I can't have a problem. I only drink beer. Never missed work.. Good dad " are a few of my common reasonings. Terrible I know. I know I'm going to get ripped for this next statement but I have picked tomorrow as my quit day. So I'm actually not as bummed because I know I am going to drink today. I know.... I could lose it all today or do something dumb and get in trouble. What a crazy illness this is. It literally consumes my every thought. Crazy stuff. Thanks for listening. I know I relied heavily on you guys the other 3 attempts and I am truly grateful for all the responses. Thanks to you all.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
What will you be doing differently tomorrow to make it a good quit date that sticks for you?
And then, after that, what are you going to do differently to stay quit this time?
After two failed attempts on my own with only AA support, I chose to get professional medical help. What are your plans to make sure this is the one that sticks?
And then, after that, what are you going to do differently to stay quit this time?
After two failed attempts on my own with only AA support, I chose to get professional medical help. What are your plans to make sure this is the one that sticks?
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