zjw

I'm curious others input for support options when your say beyond wanting to drink. Dont get me wrong. something goes wrong in my life and i'm like UGG and sometimes that thought to drink is there and other times its not but regardless I realize its not an option. I realize I need to be aware of the consequences if i where to choose that route but the reality is I dont foresee myself picking up that easily. But to come to AA or this forum and say I got this going on and I want to drink is sort of an untrue statement. I dont really want to drink But I dont know where else to run when I need some form of support.

So my question is lke beyond drnking the proverbial issue pops up in your daily life and your in that predicament where you need to go discuss it and sort it out what do you do?

I guess some might say oh talk to a friend or something but thats not always so easy or an option so I guess I'm looking for ideas other then that. and other then therapy. I cant just nag a therapist everytime any little thing pops up in my life.

zjw

For example this morning there was an issue with work. I started to flip went to my wfe ranting and raving about it but it didnt make me feel any better. I have no one else to talk too and its lke that part inside of me is like ugg just quit screw em rarara. And its like know thats not an option. I cant just self destruct everytime something doesnt go my way. Not that I do but work is just a really sore spot for me.

ALinNS

There was (one of many) ways I was tought while in a 28 day program, it was to acknowledge the issue/problem and let it go, it takes a lot of practice (in my case) but if you acknowledge it and let it go it will not have the power to make us relapse, yes calling a friend or talking to someone you trust can also help.

zjw

yeah the issue today is stupid I got asked to provide a list of what i plan to be working on for the coming year. I'm like seriously? isnt this managements job to determine? Mine you I have some other pretty pressing things on my plate and dont have time to deal with this. OH and its urgent too we need it ASAP. I'm just a pion I do what i'm told and that is it. I dont want to plan my coming year its not my job to plan it doesnt matter what i put in this list no one reads it and if i write down total gibberish I'll just get a lecture about how i need to put more effort into such things (yes this has happened).

Anyhow this sort of thing rubs me the wrong way. So I filled it out best I could I'm sure something is going to be said to me about how I should have this or I should have that and I'll just roll my eyes. But its still aggravating.

Letting it go is easy I suppose cept when it comes back to bite me and anger me some more in a few hours or days.

biminiblue

Z, I pray.

It's the only thing that keeps me calm, keeps me centered.

Try it. I don't know how I would make it through the day without it. I'm not proselytizing, I know some people have trouble with the whole God thing, but prayer works. Just asking for help in a situation, asking for guidance to do the next right thing. No one has unconditional support at all times from other humans. Prayer taps into that power that is within. It gives me relief.

zjw

thanks bimini I might just be off my game today is all. But this sort of thing happens. I can rant and rave to my wife or something but she doesnt wanna hear it. shes heard it 219321903209321 times and i'm sure shes beyond tired of it.

biminiblue

I would have a hard time working from home, being married and having six kids, too.

Whatever is going on, you'll figure it out. A lot of life is just making it through something without letting it get to me. I try to take the path of least resistance, or the one that is going to cause me the least amount of upset. Sometimes that means being quiet when I feel like shouting.

ScottFromWI

Take a step back from the situation/issue/problem you face and try to view it for what it actually is. Most times when something really "gets" to you it's really not that big of a deal in reality...your mind just makes a lot more of it than it actually is. Pretend you are someone else viewing the situation and think how an outside observer might react.

Another tool to practice is mindfulness and acceptance. Both help to remind us that other than our willful actions, there's really not much in life that we can control - and worrying about it only wastes our precious time.

zjw

I know a lot of times i try to look at my situation from a different view and go ya know your probably just under a great deal of stress and handling things the best way you can.

and while it doesnt really feel lke stress when your wrapped up into it in the moment the reality is my head is almost always spinning trying to handle it all and i cant simplfy much more.

I know another guy he has 10 kids and when i see him juggling it all i'm like lol I can totaly relate. I sometimes wonder if I appear like him to others.

With work I fall down make a lot of mistakes and struggle to keep up. My mind isnt in it. i struggle to focus and keep track of things. why? because I have 6 kids a wife bills and about 2932193213012 other things to concern myself with.

I'd like an easier job but I have to to keep the income from this one so till they set me free or something better comes along I have to just make due. If its not good enough for them oh well.

zjw

Yeah I do that routinely and why i say this is a stupid problem. a lot of my problems these days are pretty stupid. but once in a whle they can really hook me in.

Dont get me wrong while todays problem s dumb it does have the ability to easily morph into a big problem. For example I cant just reply to my boss that this is stupid and i'm not going to bother myself with it. I'd love to tell my boss that this little exercise is stupid in the whole scheme of things but I cant as stupid as it is its important to him so i gotta play along. But the reality is its pretty lame. Just happens to rub me the wrong way at times.

zjw

emailed this list to the boss he replies he wants more info from the begining of last year as well. Like remember? I seriously dont remember a thing! I'll see if i can run some reports out of this one system we have to refresh my memory as to what I worked on last year *sigh*.

I feel so brain dead. But I try so hard to just focus on today that yest and tommorrow are like huge foggy areas. I like it this way too it keeps it simple for me. I cant sit here and dwell on the past like he wants or dwell on the future. I cant make plans about the up coming year i could get hit by a bus or win the lotto. and what the hell does it matter what i worked on in Q1 of last year?

ugg theres bigger problems i could have I realize this but this is stupid.

I'm thankful i've mastered the technique almost of just sticking to today 1 day at a time lol cause i dont remember a dang thing from last year of what i worked on lol. ugg i can only imagine if that whole mess still haunted me too.

ScottFromWI

This is where the acceptance piece comes in. We all have jobs or situations in life where we may be asked to do something we don't agree with ( do something our boss tells us to do for example ) or we don't WANT to do ( clean up after our kids, change dirty diaper number 200, etc ).

But the bottom line is that life is hard. And we will always have to do things we don't want to do or that we don't have any control over. Most of us here used alcohol to try to hide from that fact, but real life keeps going on around us even when we were drunk.

Accepting that sometimes life is just going to be hard is necessary to be happy at other time in my opinion. If we constantly worry about the bad things it spills over into the times when we are doing things we enjoy.

biminiblue

Well, maybe just make a little progress on the list. Sometimes just starting helps.

I know when I have to set goals it freaks me out a little bit, too. It's like, "If I say I'm going to do something, what happens if I can't do it or I don't do it perfectly?"

Maybe ask your boss what he means - like will a couple big goals be okay, or does he want a breakdown of month by month? Or send him some really general list and see if that is what he means. I don't know how detailed his instructions are. I'm sure you have time to work through this a little at a time.

*oh, edit to say, you did send him part of the list? Disregard my post if you want.

Mountainmanbob

If I entertain the thought of drinking for long
I usually end up with a drink in my hand.
We know that drinking is bad for us (if alcoholic).
So we had better find some tools that help us to not drink.

Some will exercise
Some will pray
Some will read
Some will go to meetings
Some will go to church
Some will jump into their work and work long hours
Some will volunteer their spare time at help centers

M-Bob

zjw

Yeah I cast a large net and was broad and vague it seemed to work for most of what he was looking for.

I dont like making plans. You want to make god laugh tell him about your plans. They want to know what 'll be working on in the next year as if i'll even be here? who the heck knows what could happen? I prefer to not live my life that way.

Its like a sobriety plan. I dont really want one. What I do want and do utilize is a daily program. its part of my program its a bit like ground hog day for me each day is very very simlier to the prior but this routine works for me. keeps me grounded on one day at a time. I cant really plan about the future thats a habit i've gotten away from and I try to not go near either.

I guess i need to look at it as ok 'll play this little game for you boss but then back to my daily thing.

biminiblue

Yeah. Bosses are annoying like that.

zjw

yeah I think the issue for me here is too much focus on myself. what works well for me is to jump out of myself my own head and go occupy myself with something else. this doesnt really get my job down however but it keeps my sanity. Probaby why i'm barely even a mediocre employee anymore but hey i dont drink and i'm much happier over all.

zjw

Your right scott but I'd prefer to stomp around and act like a child .

But I'd also like to just be oblivious to it and i guess be that guy everyone wonders "what planet is he on?".

at the moment however it got me sucked in. these sorts of requests from my superior have a way of doing that. I guess its just a reminder of an area I need to work on.

Fly N Buy

This is exactly the type of thing you should consider bringing up in your meeting!! It will help you and just as important(if not more) it will help other who feel as you did but have fear of mentioning it or can't quite articulate it. Sounds like restless, irritable and discontented.

You are to be heralded and admired for getting up sober everyday and going to work to support your family = well done! I am certain your cup runneth over with gratitude for the many blessings who have been given, quite amazing gifts.

The program teaches us as we read and do step work that there are three pertinent ideas - the abc's of AA, right!? c = that God could and would if He were sought.

Additionally we learn - "The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power."

This is the essence of the program - I cant', He can - I need to let Him.

Congratulations on your sobriety - and again - for being a competent Father!

keep coming back

zjw

yeah this isnt my immediate supervisor tho he's just hte messenger this tricled down from 3 or 4 morons above who want to assemble some master spreadsheet of all this info they dont even know who i am and i hardly believe there sitting there refering to this list like crazy all day. Its more or less an exercise that sounds like a great and innovative idea ::facepalm:: yes lets do that bob good call gary ::slaps gary on the butt::

I think I'll go gag myself now lol.