solita1

Hi, This is a great forum.

Im 29, and used to drink a lot until I was 24/25, just like all my friends, I didnt consider my drinking weird but Id frequently black out etc. My hangovers were mostly physical and lasted a day or so.

Since the age of 25, I've straightened myself out, exercising, in a serious relationship, working and studying so I dont drink anywhere near as much. Most people think I am very responsible. I can easily not drink for months at a time and when I do drink,most of the time I can be sensible about it.

However, other times, maybe 4/5 times in the past 2 years I have binged and gotten out of control. I've had arguments with my girlfriend, parents - said and done some stupid things like throwing stuff around the house. After each one I feel awful for weeks, the physical effects go away after a few days but the mental ones take what seems forever to go away. I keep replaying the situation over and over in my head, fearing how it couldve been worse etc.

So, over Christmas my drinking was very responsible, a few drinks - no more than 2, until one night there was a big family party, so there was loads of alcohol around, so I thought I was being a good host going around talking to everyone and taking it easy on the drink, but I mustve been drinking more than I realised. Anyway, a younger cousin said a few things that really pissed me off so I lost it and started calling her out on the things she said trying to understand why she said them (looking back it may have been my mind playing tricks on me). I created a scene and made the cousin cry and her parents were very angry with me at how I spoke to her. Now, I am 99.99% sure that she said what I thought she said but sober I never wouldve reacted the way I did. So I am ashamed that people saw me like that and ruined the end of the party.

For 5 days I've barely eaten, keep going over the situation in my mind and generally feeling horrendous. I apologised to the cousin and her parents and they accepted it but it still doesnt make me feel any better. I keep thinking that in years to come there will be some repercussions..despite only seeing these people maybe once every 5-8 years, I am still worried.

In younger days I also made an ass of myself at similar family parties and I am ashamed that the people who only see me at those will only think of me as a drunken idiot when in my life I am not like that at all.

I can barely sleep thinking about the way I behaved - friends and other family members told me just to forget about it, I've apologised and they have accepted so that is the end of it, but I cant shake the shame. I lost control and overreacted.

I wouldnt consider myself an alcoholic in the traditional meaning of the word, as I've said I can go months without drinking and most of the time control my intake, but sometimes it gets out of hand. For that reason I'm going to stop drinking as even if I only lose complete control once every 10 times, the hangover/shame isn't worth it and I don't like the person I am when I'm like that.

Anyone got anything similar to share? So although, I'm not drinking everyday, does it sound like I may have an alcohol problem even if it only surfaces from time to time?

Ken33xx

To be frank yes it sounds like you have a problem with alcohol.　Going by my own experience the unpleasant/embarrassing episodes you mention above will not only continue and they will become more frequent.

But it`s your call.

Recovery999

Hi, I can relate to your post. I was never a daily drinker, but when I did drink, stupid crap always wound up happening. It got so out of hand I just quit altogether- it wasn't worth it to me anymore.

solita1

Thanks for the replies. I'm determined not to drink. Regarding the shame/embarrassment, how long did it take for it to go away. Did you apologise to people for your drunken behaviour? Even if they accepted did you still feel bad?

ubntubnt

There are a couple of things I see around here a lot that spring to mind.

The first, is that if alcohol is causing problems in your life then you have a problem with alcohol.

The second, is something from the AA big book that said something like "we didn't get into trouble every time we drank but every time we did get into trouble we had been drinking".

It sounds to me like you have a problem with alcohol but only you can decide that. Hopefully you won't spend years progressing your problem trying to prove to yourself that you do indeed have a problem.

ALinNS

Perhaps look at this event as a wake up call, I can guarantee you it gets worse, a lot worse if we do these kinds of things and later pick up again, I say this from personal experience and reading a ton of material.

Wishing you the best
Andrew

solita1

Thanks, the comments are very useful. Have you done things worse than this? Im sure everyone has had a drunken argument and overreacted to things. I've witnessed many in my family over the years so I know the people who saw me werent seeing that behaviour for the first time, I just dont want to be looked down on. I come from a culture where basically everyone drinks. I just feel Im better than that as in my everyday life Im very responsible etc.

Should I just forget about the event. In the grand scheme of things is it that bad? of course I will stop drinking but I cant help feeling that what I did was the worst thing in the world..when it reality it was a drunken argument where I got worked up. Nothing more, nothing less.

biminiblue

If alcohol is causing the problem, quitting drinking is the solution.

Well done coming to that conclusion and for seeing a pattern that you know is self-destructive and deciding to do something about it.

The guilt is for a reason, and you're a responsible person. Apologies have been made, so I believe if you go forward without any more of these type incidents, your family will forgive.

I agree with Ken33, we all started with "a few" of these incidents, and they became more and more frequent. I hope you stick around here and make a plan to quit completely.

ALinNS

Yes and maybe/probably worse, my brother and I used to be very, very close. I haven't seen him in over six years, due to alcohol turning me into an irrational person which when sober I am not, I am kind, loving and understanding but my god, booze does a 180 on that Andrew and I turn into someone I do to want to be.

My point is if we continue, in my case, in reading, in listening to theirs in meetings, it keeps getting worse until these people are no longer in our lives, I wish I would have realized this 20+ years ago, would have saved a lot of heartache for those I hurt and I hurt myself.

Ken33xx

It would depend on what I said and did and to whom.

As far as people accepting my apologies they generally did while in my twenties. You hit 30 and keep pulling the same **** you`ll find people less tolerant.

solita1

Yea, I plan to quit for good. However, how do I show them that I've changed when I rarely see these people. Just tell them the next time I see them in 5 years that I've stopped drinking?

Although I am very angry with myself, people in my family should understand this type of behaviour as much worse things have happened and there have been cases of alcoholism..so I hope they can forget about it too. Just dont want people thinking badly of me.

Mountainmanbob

The five o'clock alcoholic doesn't take a drink until after work-never touches the stuff before five -- then drinks continuously until passing out.

The periodic (or binge) alcoholic can go for long stretches of time without touching a drop. Then comes a binge that can last days or weeks or months.

The maintenance alcoholic finds ways to sip all day long, to keep just enough alcohol in the blood.

ALinNS

Some may to a point, others may not, depends on what happened. I am a believer we have to take responsibility for our actions vs expecting others to understand. I don't believe people who have not been to the places alcohol has led me truly understand, that is why these forums work, many/most of us have been down the road and know where it leads and the stories are all very similar, that is the scary thing.

biminiblue

Well, I think you have to be realistic. They are going to talk.

You can't do anything about that. The incident will fade in their minds, but you cannot erase it. That should be motivation to not do it again, actually. Stuff like this happens when alcohol is involved; I don't think it's as huge a deal to them as you've made it in your mind.

You have no control over what people think. If they are upset, so be it. All you can do is go forward and not do this again. The past is over. You can't unring a bell. This is going to fade in your mind, too.

Time takes time.

rahrah

I didn't get into trouble everytime I drank, but everytime I DID get into trouble I HAD been drinking....

That saying is so true for me.....I have 30 yrs of drinking drama....situations I created that make me CRINGE when I think about them....I would spend weeks torturing myself about some horrendous thing I did or said....it was a terrible, torturous way to live.

But when I don't drink...I don't create, or engage in, drama. Sober me is way better than that.

Fly N Buy

This reminds me of growing up - my parents had "incidents" with their friends several times which lead to a "falling out". In retrospect, these incidents always had alcohol woven into the fabric of the falling out.

They were painful to me as a kid - no, you won't be playing with Tommy anymore - we had a falling out with his parents..........

Good for you on identifying the culprit as stupid juice. It can take someone with a high IQ and turn them into a mutt in no time. A real Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!

There is one certainty with continuing to drink - as much as we try to control these behaviors they only get worse and more frequent. Why we keep going back to the hot stove and put our hand on it again only to get burned time after time is a mystery. But, it's what we do!

Thanks for the thread - acceptance is the start and willingness to change is the key to a better life.

solita1

Thanks for all the wonderful replies. They are great.

I apologised to the people involved which they accepted and said it was all forgotten about. From experience, if someone accepts an apology after being a drunken fool, does that mean it is over? My fear is that in a few years if I see these people again it will be brought up, that maybe my cousin's husband will physically attack me..even though now he has thanked me for apologising and told me to forget about it. He too has been known to get involved in drunken fights and is generally a nasty drunk.. Much worse than me.

If they say it is over should I just accept their word? My fear is probably irrational as I will probably not see these people for up to 10 years.

ubntubnt

You have apologized, they accepted. Just move on now and be a better more version of you. That's what people will see next around and that's what they know you for. What done is done.

endlesspatience

I feel that just stopping drinking to avoid negative consequences and shame is not the best way of approaching this. It's true that in your life drinking is linked to problems and unhappiness. So the real challenge is how to get happy and solve problems in a better way. It's about learning how to fill your world with good relationships, fulfilling activity, wise decisions and live in a way that is honest with oneself.

When I grasp that idea, I can understand why some people go back to organisations like AA long after the immediate problems associated with drinking disappear and after long term sobriety.

They like the new life that not drinking gives them.

Ken33xx

There it is.