bemyself

Hey, lovely Mrs Bluebell,

Yours is the first post I've alighted on after not visiting SR much at all these past months (sober ones :-)) Your entire situation with your job and associated stress / anxiety really brought back many memories for me, having worked in human services, education and such years ago.

What struck me the most was that sense of being at a turning point. i.e. yes, you have to manage each day with the tools needed for this yuck scenario, as you and others have agreed. However, depending on how many years (lots I'm guessing) you've been doing this work, burnout is so very real.

On one hand, certainly the mad impulses to just sort of flee - from everything! - are not the best thing for us recovering people to do; on the other, though, such feelings and thoughts and the impacts felt in the body are trying to bring something up to the surface for you. The apparent / obvious instigator may well be the personal and professional conflict happening among staff including your head teacher, to be sure. But it's worth, imo, delving a bit deeper in yourself - alone, with a counsellor, wise friend like your ex-boss, or all three - to be able to respond to some pathways new that may be beckoning. A little like the scenario Beccybean spoke of in her own life; doesn't have to play out the same, of course, as we're all different. But nevertheless, a few small new currents are possibly changing the stream's course right now.

I well remember - and mostly regret - such whispers, which become roars when I don't attend to them, in my own life. Many times. Mostly I intuited what they were about, even while not knowing or being able to see their features in any detail at all. Yet I allowed my fears to make myself plug on and ignore those new courses (in the river sense).

You really sound so well, you know that? Ironic, isn't it; when someone has been sober for a while, even how they can describe with awareness such difficult times and situations really shows healing. I hope that gives you some hope, luv.
Vic

Jeni26

Hi Vic, so good to hear from you...and so happy also to hear about the sober months 😊.

This week has been incredibly stressful, I've a lot to juggle and that constant pressure, as though someone is literally sitting on my chest, has been unrelenting.

This morning I got to that point when I was so angry I could have burst into tears...and that's just not me. I have spent a lot of time and energy uncovering the real me after years of drinking and intermittent mental health issues. I'm quite happy with me now. I'm fairly quiet, not bothered with a social life, I'm calm and peaceful and like nothing better than a swim or a walk in the country. I don't do drama, not at home and certainly not in my professional place of work.

I spent yesterday preparing for a staff meeting after work, it was a potentially difficult one, I was asking staff to change the way they work and to prepare something they hadn't done before. I was the sole representative from the leadership team. I thought it went well. I'm enthusiastic and I thought I relayed that. No-one had any questions or comments, but today I heard (apparently) some of them weren't happy. I don't think its true, I think it is just some petty stirring designed to cause trouble.

I honestly can't be doing with it. I got angry. And I hate it when my peace is disturbed.

After work I told the Head I wasn't happy. He told me that I'm brilliant at my job and asked what he can do to help change things. Trouble is, he's part of the problem.

Think I'm burned out. I've been doing this job since I was 21. I'm 51 now. I would just like to go do something else that doesn't involve any responsibility. I'm tired of being a grown up I think 😊

Thanks my friends ❤️

tomsteve

" I'm tired of being a grown up I think ��"

theres times i look for an adult. then realize im an adult.so i start looking for an older adult. someone successfuly adulting.
an adultier adult!

adulting is for grownups.
im not a grownup.


hope that at least made ya smile for a bit.

Berrybean

You're never going to introduce a new idea in a special school and everyone be enthusiastic . People get scared of change, and that fear can easily turn into resentment. All you can do is reassure them and ensure that things are clear for them to understand what's happening and what their role is in it all.

Glad the meeting went as well as it could do. Presumably, as nobody has approached you to discuss any concerns about the changes that are coming up then nobody is overly worried. As professionals they should speak directly to the right person if they have any concerns (you). No doubt the people shuffling around in corners and the staffroom, and in corridors in lesson time, having a moan, are the same people who'd moan whatever happened anyway. My head refers to those people as 'Drains' - I think I was one for a little while at one point when I was at my most fear-filled (as opposed to Radiators). She has some lovely jargon - 'Botherdness' is one of her key words - she wants a school full of it.

Anyway - I'm sure things will pan out just fine. There are always changes in education one way or another aren't there x