Holds1325

Yes I totally understand my fault here! :P

At the same time with my life going in a thousand different directions at this point in time, a super stressful job, family, and other related situations its so difficult to try and keep things going. Yes I know, try and I have been trying as much as I can.

For my health at the moment, well not dieting strictly, yet, I currently am trying to clear up some problems I've had whilst drinking. These are inline with clear instructions from my Doctor,

As far as exercising goes, I'm not doing that too much either except walking.

Medication is something I just refuse.

So the "Turn Around" I am looking for is by continuing to stay sober while fixing things here and there as I can, keeping it simple, sometimes thats all I can do to keep my mind from going off the deep end.

In my earlier days of sobriety I jumped into all of this at once, medication even, counseling, diet, exercise, and I wore myself out to the core and made my anxiety worse whenever I had a slip. I eased it off, I can't sit there and eat veggies every single day because it makes me anxious waiting for meals. So i'll just focus on fixing deficiencies here and there. I biked everyday but that too turned out to be too much for my body to handle.

I was sort of an all or nothing type of guy (alcoholism go figure) and that's not working for me in sobriety as I have found. Small changes here and there is what seems to work and wont throw me into daily panic attacks, keeps me less worried that oh no I didn't do this and this for a couple days, does this mean I'm worse??? Things like that.

happybeingme

Those who take medication for things like anxiety and depression aren't less strong. They simply care about themselves and don't want to suffer needlessly. There is no trophy for sticking it to Big Pharma.
I would have taken my own life had I not gotten medical help for my depression. I am not ashamed. I simply didn't want to die.
Those who choose not to get help are simply playing a victim role. They enjoy the attention and like suffering. There is nothing noble in that

sleepie

Holds, as far as aniti- depressants go, I have a neurological disorder and get even worse tics than I already have if I take them.
That's what sent me on the road to benzo addiction. I was taking wellbutrin and noticed these tics seemed to really be in full force, told my doctor and he said yes, they'll do that. So he then prescribed klonopin to take care of the tics. The rest of the story tells itself. It gets frustrating because a lot of people think it's as easy as one 2 3 take a pill and I just can't do that, my brain chemistry just can't. Not an option for me. So it's really something I am proud of to be pill free and booze free right now. Living with a neurological disorder is not easy on a number of levels.

Holds1325

When I first tried celexa it gave me horrible nausea and made my teeth chatter uncontrollably all day. The doctor told me as well that its just the side effects and they will wear off in time.

The doctor prescribed me attivan to take care of the anxiety while I wait for the anti-depressant to kick in. I took the attivan for awhile and it threw me into a depression I barely got out of. So I just quit both and haven't been as depressed as I was. That was a terrible depression, the darkness kept me in bed all day and felt like an incurable sickness.

I'm glad they work for others, but sometimes for certain people, like us, they don't and even the mind can create adverse reactions regardless of what the side effects are to begin with.

Perhaps in the future when I have more time in sobriety that could be a route if my life slips deeper into depression as the result of something other than "life" and "not drinking".

I remember once I was told by a counselor that anti-depressants will help, won't impede recovery and can be stopped if needed. Thats good, I just like to be able to know when I actually come out of this fog and to perhaps learn a way to cope without any type of medication. That doesn't mean I think its the best way for everyone, thats just my personal preference right now.

tomsteve

the great news is that the tools others have are attainable and possible to have. theres many,many,many here right on this site.
you posted in another thread ya had to learn new ways to handle life( or something to that affect). thats what i had to do,too. them tools of action required me getting out of my comfort zone and doing things that werent comfortable, like taking a hard loom at myself- my fears, i securities, low self esteem, self pity, selfishness,false pride,etc.
then working at changing my attitude and outlook on everything. i got sober because i hated myself, my existence, a d was afraid of everything. i didnt want all them things to control me any more.
so i used the tools given me.
a d very greatful to get the courage to do everything i had to do, one reason is because i can see what i used to think was my comfort zone was nothing but insane.

i just bad to be willing to put in the foootwork.

ScottFromWI

That was my preference too - to find a way to treat my anxiety without medication. While I wouldn't say that I am "anxiety-free" by any stretch of the imagination, I would say that I have much less anxiety than I did, and I also have a lot more tools to deal with it when it gets worse.

I have also accepted that most likely I'm not going to feel "good" or euphoric all the time. My body is getting older and there are mental stresses that are just inherent to every day life, and they simply cannot be avoided. The addict in all of us seeks "instant gratification"...and I think many of us forget what "normal" really feels like.

sleepie

Sometimes just not drinking is all a person can do. I am only just now starting to get to a point just a tiny bit where I feel ready to take on anything else. I have some medical concerns and am told just to keep an eye on it which can be a terrible waiting game but I'm really trying here to just take solace in my bloodwork being ok for now (as yours is as well I think I read) and trying not to obsess about losing yet another pound and why on earth I pee like literally 20 times day. I have to have an ultrasound next. I'm just not even shooting for anything besides not drinking and changing my line of work at the moment.
So what it boils down to is I am pill free, booze free, have a valid mental health issue (anxiety) that cannot be treated with synthetic brain chemicals due to my choices being 1) addicitive benzos or 2) ssri's that aggravate my neurological disorder.
So I'm just letting myself feel good about doing this and under stressful health related circumstances.

Holds1325

I would say that if you aren't drinking then you are already doing way better than before.

I agree though tremendously sometimes all your strength can allow you to do is not drink. I like that SR helps with this too.

Sometimes we don't want to talk to anyone about how we feel, we feel like crap to begin with, or we don't want to eat right because junk food tastes great, or we don't want to exercise because its too dark and gloomy outside although to others its sunny. But in early sobriety if we can just make it a day without drinking, then thats the best accomplisment we can make.

BixBees505

I take an SSRI anti-depressant, and it truly changed my life. (But it didn't solve my drinking, darn it!) However, I know people, some in my own family, who have tried many many protocols for depression and anxiety and been unable to tolerate them.

Those of us who have found something that works are very lucky.

fantail

This is true.

This is not true.

Personally, I'm on SSRIs and I very much wish that stigma hadn't kept me off of them for so long. I really think they're an incredible invention that give many of us a foundation that we need on which to build a stable life.

But they don't work for everyone. And beyond that, they are a very deeply philosophical thing. We know how they work in terms of the chemical behavior, but we still don't fully understand the full complexity of it. That doesn't bother me. I am 100% fine with tooling around with my brain chemistry. But I appreciate that it bothers other people, particularly since we're all recovering from going off the deep end in that direction. There are all kinds of existential questions that come up when you think about mood medications. It really verges on the religious.

Psych meds is one area where it's strangely culturally acceptable for everyone to be up in everyone else's business, and quite judgmentally. I know it was detrimental for me to be told that taking medication was akin to being brainwashed; I don't think it's fair to tell other people that they're whiners for abstaining.

/aside

Sleepie, hope you're hanging in there. You sound like you're taking it in stride today. Health stuff gives me major anxiety, so I can understand how intense that waiting period must be.

sugarbear1

Untreated alcoholism is full of anxiety. Are you opposed to working those 12 steps?

sleepie

Thank you fantail, well said. Yes, people do get very judgmental about that. And true, they don't work for everyone, as for myself I have a neurological disorder that is severely affected by those kinds of meds. So they are not an option for me.

happybeingme

Fantail, you are right. I should not have made a blanket statement like that. I should have said I have observed that many refuse to even try medications and instead seem to thrive on the drama that their illness creates. They hold tight like it is some kind of badge of honor to refuse to even try medications or try more than one.

I am sorry for my earlier statement. I tried Wellbutrin years ago and it caused really violent thoughts. I am on an SNRI now and it works like a dream.

Holds1325

That's crazy about the welbutrin, happy, My doctor prescribed that recently, or well pleaded that I try it. I realize that these meds are kind of unique to individuals and it may work for others but not for all.

Thats sort of the reason why I never did want to keep trying the anti-depressant route, I felt like I was some kind of guinea pig test for all these meds just to see if one would work or not.

happybeingme

Tried Chantix to quit smoking and that made me nuts as well. My sister suffers from anxiety, agoraphobia, and panic attacks. She has found medication that really turned things around for her.

If you really don't want to try again I don't blame you but really try counseling or find some support group. Don't suffer alone.

zjw

any medication has a time and a place. and I'd say the vast majority of medications really dont need to be lifelong required to take them etc..

anyhow whole debate of to take meds or not to take meds can be like argueing politics or religion lol.

I've always felt todays current societal workings is not conducive for most folks to carry on happy healthy lives. hence all the drug and alcohol abuse and various medications to treat this and that and the other thing etc.. among other things people do just to try and maintain there sanity that are not always the healthiest choices but its like what choice do they have some times. I think if things and times where different we wouldnt be debating meds or drugs etc.. and heck we probably wouldnt be here iwth substance abuse issues either.

I think one big thing that has helped me retain my sanity is to just try and keep it simple and when its still not simple make it even more simple. dont bite off more then you can chew find that balance in life and try to manage things etc.. Of course things will come along to make life hard. But hopefully if things are stoopid simple those things can come along for a short time and it wont be too too terrible to push through it without falling back into the pit etc..

I dunno this appraoch works for me tho i still struggle at times .

happybeingme

What do you mean by keeping things simple and when they aren't making them more simple?

Holds1325

Z is trying to convert you to be a vegan,

Just kidding

EndGameNYC

Hi Sleepie.

You've made good progress since you started posting here.

I'm concerned about your acknowledged Libertarian leanings. Inflexible and extreme political ideologies are often harmful, sometimes contradicting their own principles. Soviet Communism and Fascism were doomed to fail, not because of the ideology that drove them, but because of the way the principles of each ideology were taken to gratuitous extremes by their so-called "practitioners."

On the hierarchy of values, life itself -- survival -- trumps all else. Personal liberty is both a right and a privilege. When Libertarian principles stand in the way of personal health and well- being, then they are not serving us well and do not reflect their intended goals. Denying yourself health insurance based on political beliefs is counterproductive and potentially dangerous. Libertarianism, as you know, is about autonomy and personal responsibility, among much else. I would be unable to reconcile the dissonance between rejecting publicly-subsidized health insurance and taking responsibility for my own health and well-being. For me, I am responsible for keeping myself alive and for doing whatever is necessary to care for my health and well-being. Everything else is just background noise.

If you do develop diabetes or some other illness -- and these things happen to many (most?) of us, sober or not -- you'll be faced with costly medical bills and mounting anxieties around your health. As things now stand, it doesn't seem as though you're prepared to take on such additional stress, at least not on your own. Part of you is even contemplating drinking and using drugs again if things don't go well when you next see your doctor. Surrendering your freedom to drugs and alcohol, or to ill-health, is not at all a Libertarian ideal.

I was unemployed and virtually homeless when I first got sober. I applied for and received Medicaid and public assistance. I remained unemployed for two years. In that time, my medical bills exceeded $200,000.00, including two total hip replacements and an emergency appendectomy. Medicaid paid for a specialist who uses an unorthodox medical procedure (in the States), and I was up and walking within two days of each hip replacement. And I didn't need rehab. Medicaid also paid for my monthly meds, which were around $600.00 at the time. Without help, I would have had to settle for getting around with a walker (at the very least), doing without meds for depression, insomnia, cholesterol and high BP, and likely would have needed painkillers, indefinitely, for my hips, knees and back. Prior to surgery, I was in constant pain, every day. I'm now completely pain-free, and I have full range of motion in all my muscles and joints.

I've since started working in my field again, doing work that I truly love. I resumed my two-decades-plus training in martial arts, and brought down my cholesterol and BP with exercise and watching what I eat. I don't know whether or not any of these things would have been possible on my own.

My decision was partly based on my conviction that I didn't want to get old and be crippled, I wasn't ready to walk away from my work, and I knew that I could live better were to I accept the help that I was offered. I didn't need my friends and family worrying about my health or about my inability to pay for medical care. I didn't want to be that guy who'd generally lived a healthy and rewarding life, only to fall apart as I rounded my final turn. And certainly not when there was something I could do about it.

You need a break. Your parents denied you your health and well-being as a child. Don't continue their work as an adult.

zjw

My idea is if i thnk ok my life will be simplier if i do xyz or eliminate this and that from my routine chances are I need to make it MORE simple then just that even! that way i got room to tackle the unexpected etc.

IE if every hour of your day is taken you got no time to take on anything else. But if you got a few extra hours well hey great you can relax yeah no doubtful becuase something can and always will happen so maybe you need even more free time then that even. This is just an analogy I wish i had hours upon hours of free time lol.

Another idea is if I feel really good I can share some of this with others. I can also have something bad happen and it might knock me down a notch but hopefully it wont knock me down into the pit and then kick me too. I started to realize that My idea of feeling good needed to be different. My idea of feeling good was on a scale of 1-10 i might feel a 5 or a 6 something bad could easily come along and knock me right down. But in my head a 5 or a 6 was like a 10 boy was i wrong. I needed to feel like a 12. this way when something bad came along and knocked me down a notch and it can and it certainly will it will hopefully only knock me to a 5 or 6 hence I'll still feel ok.

I guess I had to kind of change my expectations and standards quit biting off more then i could chew. and just when I thought ok i made this easier i had to make it easier then that even and i Had to be ok with that. IE if one makes there life really simple its also easy to start to feel like your unequipped to handle life and then start to feel bad about yourself. When in reality all i was doing was changing things up so that I could be able to handle life much more easily.

I still have my moments and this is all easier said then done.