Not doing well
 

Another dr appt. tomorow. i am losing my mind with fear. Straight up fear. I know how my life goes. I quit drinking, and diabetes is getting worse, not better. My BF is still overweight and his blood sugars are improving even though he has not mad drastic changes. The usual, I do the hard work, I am not even over weight and my sugars are getting worse. I really cannot take this and my mind cannot handle this. I took a valium because feeling this way as my health gets worse is horrifying. Tomorrow I see a dr about why in the hell am I losing weight for no apparent reason and some other disturbing things.
I think am in the first steps of a horrible diagnosis. It was all I could do to deal with the diabetic thing and now I have unexplained weight loss and that doesn't really happen unless you have something terminal.
I am horrified. I wish that I could get just one single break.
It's not me just being anxious or needing to stop being a "bummer" or that I worry too much. This s*** is real and it is horrifying.

(((Sleepie))) I really hope the doctor is able to put your mind at rest tomorrow.

Glad to hear you're going to see a doctor tomorrow, and I'm crossing my fingers that things won't be as bad as they seem to be right now.
Don't lose hope, Sleepie. You've made it past some rough parts of the road already. You're bound to have a smoother path from here on out.

Delfin

I am eating valium. I already know it's going to be tests, scary possibilities, more agonizing waiting. There's nothing good about going to the dr it just confirms my worst fears. It's not good to go. I'm just going to get a death sentence basically. I don't know why anyone would be glad for that. It's horrifying. They don't fix you they just doom you to illness and horrible waiting and testing. I'm probably getting right back on the valium. This is not worth getting sober for. Not one bit. It's just been a worsening nightmare since I quit and seems to have gotten worse a lot quicker since I quit.

(((((((Sleepie))))))))

Put away the valuim! You've worked so hard for this. Hopefully the doc will put some ease to your thoughts. Good for you for scheduling an appointment already. I don't have any experience with benzos but I did binge drink for about 10 years. It took me almost 3 months of sobriety for my stomach pains to go away. I was convinced I had cancer and my mind really did scare me to the point of panic attacks where I had to go to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. But it eventually got better. Sometimes even so slowly it didn't feel noticable.

Try and find patience for your sobriety. It will get better. We are all rooting for you!

♡Kamm

"I'm just going to get a death sentence basically. "

Hey, I am staying positive that you are NOT getting a death sentence anytime soon!! I'm counting on it!

I guess I figure that even if you get some bad news, there is always something you can do to make things better. We're behind you all the way, okay?

Delfin

Hope you're doing okay, Sleepie, and you manage to get some sleep tonight xx

stop taking the valium--you worked hard to taper off

I'm sorry you are fearful, and I hope the appointment goes well.

Starting the benzos again will not solve the problem

Hugs sleepie--it isn't easy--

I hope you get good news Sleepie. I should see a doctor too but ... I won't.

Nothing he/she can't tell me that I cant look up online to see if my symptoms are dire. Seems like your struggling pretty hard so I think its a good choice to be safe. Well wishes.

Dru -

and your right... **** is real.

That is a very dangerous attitude to have Dru. The internet is filled with a lot of bad information along with the good.

Hi,

I just got back from an appointment yesterday. I too am convinced I have something terminal and its tearing me apart.

My blood pressure was really low, and then now its high! Im really young but I'm convinced im going to die from an illness soon.

I wanted to drink last night because I felt like whats the point? I feel like I'm going to die or whatever anyway. If not now, years down the road, might as well not be super scared about it. So I totally understand how this feels.

Thank you for this post.

Perhaps we are at a stage in our sobriety where this occurs? It seems as if this wasn't our main worry a month ago, and now it is.

Deep down I think we will be fine, and it'll be okay, I just wish our minds didn't have to worry like this.

I know it's hard to not be scared Sleepie but I have really do have faith that you're fine :)

I hope your Dr will be able to sort out any concerns you have, and set your mind at ease.

I went through this too - I drank so hard for so long that I felt I deserved some bad health results and I became over responsive to every symptom my body presented...add to that immoderate use of Dr Google and I was convinced I was going to die.

8 years later I'm still here - and I feel safe in saying you will be too :)

D

Like Scott says the internet is full of some pretty crappy advice...

and even if you find good advice, most of us simply don't have the clinical know how, the required experience, or the outside perspective necessary to allow for an accurate diagnosis or to correctly interpret the information we find.

see a Dr dru - it makes sense.

D

........? why can't I find my post? Am I being deleted as I go through this?

No, sleepie, we see your posts. Stay right here and keep posting.

Actually my last one is missing...?

I think you're posting in a couple of your threads at the same time, go to "My Posts," and check them that way.

Please try the grounding strategy shared recently. I have panic attacks, too, and that is what you are having.
Lookup now, do this, while breathing a little deeply...
Find 5 things you can see. Name them.
Find 4 things you can touch. Touch them.
Find 3 things you can hear. Identify them if you can.
Find 2 things you can smell. Identify.
Find 1 thing you can taste. (Chocolate can really extend this moment, I find!)