Need advice - what should I do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 3
Need advice - what should I do?
I've got a bit of a quandary, and I'm looking for some input from people like me.
Some background - I identified my alcohol problem in 2012, and it has slowly progressed to drinking to excess almost every day. I've never had seizures, but I have had moderate withdrawals lasting 1-2 days after binges. I have at times experienced what I think are symptoms suggesting problems with my pancreas, as well as ascites (if I abstain for 3 weeks, I lose almost 20 pounds, mostly water, I assume), although I'm not a doctor. I've had major depressive disorder since age 10 (27 currently).
I tried for a couple of years to quit myself; self-help books, autobiographies helped to an extent, but ultimately to no avail. I tried "SMART recovery", but found little use to the one meeting I attended. I'm not religious, having formerly been so, and reject the idea of any "god", although I'm willing to accept the idea of a higher power.
So, I went to AA once. Got really turned off at the Lord's prayer. Went back to AA a year later, to a different group, with no prayer, and I really liked it. I went to 4 meetings, week after week, and the meetings being on a Monday, they helped me not drink for the upcoming weekdays. Not the weekends. So I tried a Friday meeting to remind me what I was doing. That meeting triggered a craving, and I drank that weekend. I never tried getting a sponsor, although I wanted to. I just didn't want to bother anyone, and didn't know anyone at the meetings I thought I'd get along with well enough to ask.
So, defeated, I contacted the psychiatrist who had been treating my depression for the past 9 years, and he got in touch with a dual diagnosis counselor. My hope was for Antabuse or Temposil, since if I absolutely must not drink, I can do that without fail... I've never drank at work or before work, or before/while driving. Such a medication would remove the mental conflict, since there would be no more "drinking option", ever. I haven't spoken to the counselor yet, but my doc said that he thinks I should "grab the bull by the horns, and get into treatment right away". I agree with him, but there's a problem.
I have a stable, full-time job. I own a car, have an apartment, and excellent credit. My job worries me though - it's an apprenticeship, and every year, an apprentice gets laid off to attend technical training, after which time they must be re-hired, as if they were a new applicant. This basically means that if my employer is turned off by my going to rehab, no matter the reason, they can dump me as an employee within the next few months.
That's what worries me! Given my current position in the progression of alcoholism, I feel I have more to lose at the moment by going into a residential treatment program than by not doing so. If I was unemployed or homeless, I'd beg for such a program, but at the moment, I'm extremely reluctant to go that route.
So I ask, what would you do if you were me? I'm really torn between my many options at the moment, and I'm sure there are also a number of options I don't even know about :/
Some background - I identified my alcohol problem in 2012, and it has slowly progressed to drinking to excess almost every day. I've never had seizures, but I have had moderate withdrawals lasting 1-2 days after binges. I have at times experienced what I think are symptoms suggesting problems with my pancreas, as well as ascites (if I abstain for 3 weeks, I lose almost 20 pounds, mostly water, I assume), although I'm not a doctor. I've had major depressive disorder since age 10 (27 currently).
I tried for a couple of years to quit myself; self-help books, autobiographies helped to an extent, but ultimately to no avail. I tried "SMART recovery", but found little use to the one meeting I attended. I'm not religious, having formerly been so, and reject the idea of any "god", although I'm willing to accept the idea of a higher power.
So, I went to AA once. Got really turned off at the Lord's prayer. Went back to AA a year later, to a different group, with no prayer, and I really liked it. I went to 4 meetings, week after week, and the meetings being on a Monday, they helped me not drink for the upcoming weekdays. Not the weekends. So I tried a Friday meeting to remind me what I was doing. That meeting triggered a craving, and I drank that weekend. I never tried getting a sponsor, although I wanted to. I just didn't want to bother anyone, and didn't know anyone at the meetings I thought I'd get along with well enough to ask.
So, defeated, I contacted the psychiatrist who had been treating my depression for the past 9 years, and he got in touch with a dual diagnosis counselor. My hope was for Antabuse or Temposil, since if I absolutely must not drink, I can do that without fail... I've never drank at work or before work, or before/while driving. Such a medication would remove the mental conflict, since there would be no more "drinking option", ever. I haven't spoken to the counselor yet, but my doc said that he thinks I should "grab the bull by the horns, and get into treatment right away". I agree with him, but there's a problem.
I have a stable, full-time job. I own a car, have an apartment, and excellent credit. My job worries me though - it's an apprenticeship, and every year, an apprentice gets laid off to attend technical training, after which time they must be re-hired, as if they were a new applicant. This basically means that if my employer is turned off by my going to rehab, no matter the reason, they can dump me as an employee within the next few months.
That's what worries me! Given my current position in the progression of alcoholism, I feel I have more to lose at the moment by going into a residential treatment program than by not doing so. If I was unemployed or homeless, I'd beg for such a program, but at the moment, I'm extremely reluctant to go that route.
So I ask, what would you do if you were me? I'm really torn between my many options at the moment, and I'm sure there are also a number of options I don't even know about :/
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,979
Have you considered out-patient rehab? I did that for five weeks after I left inpatient detox and it really helped. I started out going all day for two weeks, and then half-days for 3 weeks.
I don't know how long you are off work, but it might be something you could consider?
I don't know how long you are off work, but it might be something you could consider?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,615
Well, if you are ready, willing and able, I would try AA. By that I mean the program. It looks to me like your early experience in AA gave you the impression that the meetings are the program. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Many thousands of alcoholics have recovered through the steps of AA without having to risk their jobs or take time off. It can be done, provided that you are not so physically unwell that some kind of hospitalisation is called for.
AA has a spiritual program of action that seems to fit with any religion or no religion. I remember being turned off by the Lord's prayer at one meeting. I went off in a huff muttering about using a damn Christian prayer in AA. If you asked me then why that was, I couldn't have explained it. I just had this thing about Christians and God but no logical reason for it. I am still active in AA and, though I have never become religious, I have become much more tolerant and that prayer does not bother me today. Such a small thing compared to the life threatening illness that is alcoholism.
Many thousands of alcoholics have recovered through the steps of AA without having to risk their jobs or take time off. It can be done, provided that you are not so physically unwell that some kind of hospitalisation is called for.
AA has a spiritual program of action that seems to fit with any religion or no religion. I remember being turned off by the Lord's prayer at one meeting. I went off in a huff muttering about using a damn Christian prayer in AA. If you asked me then why that was, I couldn't have explained it. I just had this thing about Christians and God but no logical reason for it. I am still active in AA and, though I have never become religious, I have become much more tolerant and that prayer does not bother me today. Such a small thing compared to the life threatening illness that is alcoholism.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,046
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
What Gottalife says I identify with closely.
After a lot of sober years IN the program there are still things I don’t like but they are not that serious. No one says you have to say the Lords Prayer, I look at it as a spirit of unity tho I prefer the Serenity Prayer, that’s me. Some don’t like holding hands while saying these prayers, well DON’T, it’s that simple, we just don’t drink!
Going to meetings and listening is a huge help to get us into a positive mode but it’s the program of the 12 steps that is the glue that gets/keeps us sober.
BE WELL
What Gottalife says I identify with closely.
After a lot of sober years IN the program there are still things I don’t like but they are not that serious. No one says you have to say the Lords Prayer, I look at it as a spirit of unity tho I prefer the Serenity Prayer, that’s me. Some don’t like holding hands while saying these prayers, well DON’T, it’s that simple, we just don’t drink!
Going to meetings and listening is a huge help to get us into a positive mode but it’s the program of the 12 steps that is the glue that gets/keeps us sober.
BE WELL
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Well, if you are ready, willing and able, I would try AA. By that I mean the program. It looks to me like your early experience in AA gave you the impression that the meetings are the program. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Originally Posted by certainlytrying
If I was unemployed or homeless, I'd beg for such a program, but at the moment, I'm extremely reluctant to go that route.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by certainlytrying
So I ask, what would you do if you were me? I'm really torn between my many options at the moment, and I'm sure there are also a number of options I don't even know about :/
Half measures availed us nothing.
MM
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd try AA again. Check into outpatient rehab options in your area too. Self help is always a good supplement to any of the recovery optons so don't rule that out. SR itself can be a daily addition too, consider joining the class of September in the newcomers section or one of the weekend/daily threads.
You can always find a reason why any particular recovery method is inconvenient or "not for you". The bottom line though is that no matter what method you choose, you will be required to do things you do not want to do. You will get out of any program what you put into it.
You can always find a reason why any particular recovery method is inconvenient or "not for you". The bottom line though is that no matter what method you choose, you will be required to do things you do not want to do. You will get out of any program what you put into it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by certainlytrying
...So, I went to AA once. Got really turned off at the Lord's prayer. Went back to AA a year later, to a different group, with no prayer, and I really liked it. I went to 4 meetings, week after week, and the meetings being on a Monday, they helped me not drink for the upcoming weekdays. Not the weekends. So I tried a Friday meeting to remind me what I was doing. That meeting triggered a craving, and I drank that weekend. I never tried getting a sponsor, although I wanted to. I just didn't want to bother anyone, and didn't know anyone at the meetings I thought I'd get along with well enough to ask./
With regards to AA my advice would be to try various meetings. If you can hang out a bit either before and after the meetings that goes a long way in making friends. Nothing wrong with taking things slow.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 124
I bitched and moaned about AA for ages until I got really ready to quit. Some of the most amazing people I know are in the program and they WANT you to call them.
I hope you'll give it another try. As Gottalife says, there's no real need for treatment if you truly want to stop (and it won't cause medical issues).
As an FYI, I considered myself an atheist for the longest time, but saying the serenity prayer has been truly helpful to me during stressful times.
I hope you'll give it another try. As Gottalife says, there's no real need for treatment if you truly want to stop (and it won't cause medical issues).
As an FYI, I considered myself an atheist for the longest time, but saying the serenity prayer has been truly helpful to me during stressful times.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Any excuse to not get well, right?
One meeting a week? How often did you drink?
I went to a meeting or two a day for the first four months of my sobriety. It was really helpful, even though in the end I decided not to continue on at AA. Those 120+ meetings instilled a sense of calm, faith, safety, community, stability. I didn't agree with a lot of what I heard but on the other hand, some of what I heard profoundly affected me. I mean, it's just a room full of former drunks with all our human foibles. None of us are perfect.
I would say give it another try. There is a lot of good in AA, take your time finding a sponsor - one will become apparent in time. You don't have to pick someone the first week or even in the first couple months - or ever if that's what you decide. AA is about finding your own personal power and healing those parts that need it.
My temporary sponsor told me, "There are no rules in AA." That was really freeing for me. Use it as a lifeline, not as a rock around your neck.
One meeting a week? How often did you drink?
I went to a meeting or two a day for the first four months of my sobriety. It was really helpful, even though in the end I decided not to continue on at AA. Those 120+ meetings instilled a sense of calm, faith, safety, community, stability. I didn't agree with a lot of what I heard but on the other hand, some of what I heard profoundly affected me. I mean, it's just a room full of former drunks with all our human foibles. None of us are perfect.
I would say give it another try. There is a lot of good in AA, take your time finding a sponsor - one will become apparent in time. You don't have to pick someone the first week or even in the first couple months - or ever if that's what you decide. AA is about finding your own personal power and healing those parts that need it.
My temporary sponsor told me, "There are no rules in AA." That was really freeing for me. Use it as a lifeline, not as a rock around your neck.
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