How Did You Realise You Had A Problem With Alcohol?
11.30.14
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: California
Posts: 401
My son's death last year sent me spiraling out of control. Up to that point, I thought I had things tightly wrapped and under control. I was a high class, chardonnay drinker after all (eye roll) .
In retrospect, I was NOT in control. I had developed alcoholic behaviors, like having small bottles by me at ALL time. I was nipping sometimes on my way home. I had anxiety and morning bowel issues so bad in the morning, I needed a xanax to calm things down so I can go to work. In fact, I was gobbling xanax to keep the withdrawals at bay. Then when my son died, I was spiraling into drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I had to stop the crazy train, so I went into detox. Almost 9 months sober later, it was the best decision I ever made.
In retrospect, I was NOT in control. I had developed alcoholic behaviors, like having small bottles by me at ALL time. I was nipping sometimes on my way home. I had anxiety and morning bowel issues so bad in the morning, I needed a xanax to calm things down so I can go to work. In fact, I was gobbling xanax to keep the withdrawals at bay. Then when my son died, I was spiraling into drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I had to stop the crazy train, so I went into detox. Almost 9 months sober later, it was the best decision I ever made.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 120
I was the weekend binge drinking party guy. Waited all week for Friday night!
Slowly but surely Friday night drinking expanded to the rest of the week.
When I started showing up at work on a weekday with a splitting Saturday-morning hangover I knew I had problems.
That and the fact I no longer wanted a drink. One beer? What's the point.
Slowly but surely Friday night drinking expanded to the rest of the week.
When I started showing up at work on a weekday with a splitting Saturday-morning hangover I knew I had problems.
That and the fact I no longer wanted a drink. One beer? What's the point.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 21
I knew that I had a problem for a long time, but I was in denial until a couple years ago. Normally I would blame it on my circumstances, saying to myself that I was drinking because of depression, trouble at work, or difficulty with a relationship. It kind of sank in gradually over time. There was never a sudden moment of clarity, so much as slowly admitting to myself that drinking is no longer the result of my issues, it is now the cause.
I had a few moments where I tried to remember the longest period of time where I was not drinking at least 2 or 3 times a week, and I realized that I could only count a handful of instances, and each of them were for periods of less than 3 or 4 months.
It goes without saying that I've also felt a lot of guilt for the things I did and said to my family and girlfriends over the years.
I had a few moments where I tried to remember the longest period of time where I was not drinking at least 2 or 3 times a week, and I realized that I could only count a handful of instances, and each of them were for periods of less than 3 or 4 months.
It goes without saying that I've also felt a lot of guilt for the things I did and said to my family and girlfriends over the years.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 13
I started off hard drinking only on the weekends and not during the week,
but then I started drinking at home. I knew that was unreasonable, so I cut out the weekends on the town and just drank what I thought was moderate dinnertime amount at home. Unfortunately that turned me into a daily drinker. I knew I was drinking too much, and made ineffectual attempts at tapering off over the course of a year including switching from wine to beer, to spirits, but never being able to go a full day without at least one. Then one day I uncharacteristically bought myself a bottle of bottom shelf gut rot, and feeling upset I downed a little less than half of it in one night. I felt like holy hell the next morning (not that I slept much that night), and that was the first day in many months that I went without a drink. That day I was compelled to read up online the health risks of steady hard drinking and basically scared myself dry. I grew frightened of chronic damage, since I had been drinking daily (though not always hard) for about 2 years. So I poured out the gut rot, and committed to dry out. The first 48 hours were a snap, and I was feeling proud of myself: See, I'm not an alcoholic, just an alcohol abuser who needs a time out. But then the withdrawal came on the third day, characterized by fatigue and aching. I realized that I had become dependent. So my drying out changed to quitting.
but then I started drinking at home. I knew that was unreasonable, so I cut out the weekends on the town and just drank what I thought was moderate dinnertime amount at home. Unfortunately that turned me into a daily drinker. I knew I was drinking too much, and made ineffectual attempts at tapering off over the course of a year including switching from wine to beer, to spirits, but never being able to go a full day without at least one. Then one day I uncharacteristically bought myself a bottle of bottom shelf gut rot, and feeling upset I downed a little less than half of it in one night. I felt like holy hell the next morning (not that I slept much that night), and that was the first day in many months that I went without a drink. That day I was compelled to read up online the health risks of steady hard drinking and basically scared myself dry. I grew frightened of chronic damage, since I had been drinking daily (though not always hard) for about 2 years. So I poured out the gut rot, and committed to dry out. The first 48 hours were a snap, and I was feeling proud of myself: See, I'm not an alcoholic, just an alcohol abuser who needs a time out. But then the withdrawal came on the third day, characterized by fatigue and aching. I realized that I had become dependent. So my drying out changed to quitting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by Delfin 
I knew when I started hiding my booze in the closet instead of keeping it in the fridge like normal people do. I still drank two years after that realization. SMDH.
Delfin
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 13
Stephen King told a story about how he was tipped off he was an alcoholic when he started accumulating glass bottles for recycling. When he saw that the container was filled to the top with beer bottles after being empty the week previously he realized that he was drinking 9 beers a day.
I wasn't anywhere near 9 beers a day, but I had a similar deal in which I switched from wine to beer and the empty six pack bottles started stacking up in the kitchen. During a single day I wouldn't drink more than 2-3 beers, which was equal or less than what my friends drank, even during the week, but it was the consistency of it that tipped me off what was unusual (when I realized I hadn't gone a single day without a drink in about 8 months). I started researching chronic health risks of alcohol and scared the hell out of myself. That coincided with the time of an unusual bender in which I got nauseated for the first time in years.
Once I started detoxing, I was relatively lucky. Withdrawal for me was limited to headaches and being very tired at the end of the day. I slept like a log.
I wasn't anywhere near 9 beers a day, but I had a similar deal in which I switched from wine to beer and the empty six pack bottles started stacking up in the kitchen. During a single day I wouldn't drink more than 2-3 beers, which was equal or less than what my friends drank, even during the week, but it was the consistency of it that tipped me off what was unusual (when I realized I hadn't gone a single day without a drink in about 8 months). I started researching chronic health risks of alcohol and scared the hell out of myself. That coincided with the time of an unusual bender in which I got nauseated for the first time in years.
Once I started detoxing, I was relatively lucky. Withdrawal for me was limited to headaches and being very tired at the end of the day. I slept like a log.
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
I knew when I looked long & hard at myself that I had become ( turned into ) the one thing I said I would never be . An Alcoholic like my parents . Sad part that didn't stop me .
It was when my body gave up on me . The alcohol wouldn't stay down after I drank it . Not even a few sips .
Today I'm Happy my Body was smarter then my Head !! I would Hate to know what would have become of me if It hadn't
It was when my body gave up on me . The alcohol wouldn't stay down after I drank it . Not even a few sips .
Today I'm Happy my Body was smarter then my Head !! I would Hate to know what would have become of me if It hadn't
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Casper, WY
Posts: 287
All of the above. My ex and I had worried about my level.of drinking, since its not normal to put away a fifth of bourbon on both Friday and Saturday night in addition to beer and other shots.
After she and I split up, I just didn't care. My undiagnosed depression since childhood contributed over the years, but without her, I felt like the only relief from the emotional turmoil was being soused. Daily drinker, eye openers, drinking at work, all the norm. Thankfulky, I walked most everywhere, even with a car, because buying gas would cut into my booze money.
It eventually devolved into binge-sober-binge cycles. It wasn't enjoyable in the end in the slightest. Taking out two trash bags full of empty vodka bottles at 3 AM to avoid being noticed, going to sleep right away after work so I could wake up and drink a couple hours later, etc...all the goofy stuff that is just sad.
Its a hellish spot doing all those things, knowing the extent of the problem, but not understanding the depth of it. I feel foe anyone who is still in it.
"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior
After she and I split up, I just didn't care. My undiagnosed depression since childhood contributed over the years, but without her, I felt like the only relief from the emotional turmoil was being soused. Daily drinker, eye openers, drinking at work, all the norm. Thankfulky, I walked most everywhere, even with a car, because buying gas would cut into my booze money.
It eventually devolved into binge-sober-binge cycles. It wasn't enjoyable in the end in the slightest. Taking out two trash bags full of empty vodka bottles at 3 AM to avoid being noticed, going to sleep right away after work so I could wake up and drink a couple hours later, etc...all the goofy stuff that is just sad.
Its a hellish spot doing all those things, knowing the extent of the problem, but not understanding the depth of it. I feel foe anyone who is still in it.
"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Now that I'm reading this thread, I realize that I have done many of the things mentioned. How in the hell did I delude myself into thinking I was okay for so many years? Shaking my damn head again.
This is a good reminder of what I never want to go back to!
Delfin
This is a good reminder of what I never want to go back to!
Delfin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
When my diet consisted of cigarettes and alcohol, I was throwing up everyday and the very little food I did eat just came back up again. I also put myself in a very very dangerous situation. i woke up one morning and said enough is enough. Like others tho I knew for years I had a problem with drink its just that that made me quit.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 397
This is going to sound redundant, but it's when I realized it was the problem. For so long, alcohol had been the solution to my problem(s), when the whole time it was the problem. If I wanted to have more fun, I drank. If I was bored, I drank. Happy, sad, mad, bored, tired, hungry, thirsty, lonely, I drank.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
My realization finally found home when I stopped wanting to eat. I still drank for a few years like that because as we all have experienced, a few days of fixing the worst symptom and back at it until the next worst symptom.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
In a nutshell, I think we realize how serious our problem is with alcohol when we try to stop. Stopping truly seemed like the easiest thing to do on the world when I had a few beers in me. It was when I wasn't drinking that showed me I had a huge problem.
I thought about alcohol. I yearned for it. I craved it. I'd try to figure out ways I could drink it without having the same negative consequences that it always caused me.
I thought about alcohol. I yearned for it. I craved it. I'd try to figure out ways I could drink it without having the same negative consequences that it always caused me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 29
It took five years of consequences to finally admit that I had a problem. That was after 20 years of denial. The clues in those final years were: losing every single friend I had; losing one job and coming within days of losing a second; health problems; and then the worst withdrawal that I ever had (including a severe manic episode). After that withdrawal I finally checked myself into in detox and rehab. Despite all that, I have had one relapse and finally, finally understood I was an alcoholic after having consequences after just a few days of renewed use. Addiction is a patient, powerful disease. 2 years and 12 days earned one day at time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
1. When I started waking up furiously hungover and miserable at 3am-4am each morning after blacking out the night before - for a couple years.
2. When I started hiding my booze and taking shots whenever my wife went to the bathroom.
3. When I finally dragged myself to my first AA meeting, despite how scary it was to do so.
4. When I ignored the little voice in my head that told me not to drink and instead drowned it out with booze.
5. When, after six months of sobriety, I dumped it down the drain for a few lousy beers.
I feel like I've known I've had a problem since my first year of drinking. It's just been the perpetual internal conversation about whether or not I can control it, or whether or not I should just drink away the disappointment and live in a haze. I cannot handle the guilt and shame, through. Both weigh on me too much to continue with the games.
2. When I started hiding my booze and taking shots whenever my wife went to the bathroom.
3. When I finally dragged myself to my first AA meeting, despite how scary it was to do so.
4. When I ignored the little voice in my head that told me not to drink and instead drowned it out with booze.
5. When, after six months of sobriety, I dumped it down the drain for a few lousy beers.
I feel like I've known I've had a problem since my first year of drinking. It's just been the perpetual internal conversation about whether or not I can control it, or whether or not I should just drink away the disappointment and live in a haze. I cannot handle the guilt and shame, through. Both weigh on me too much to continue with the games.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by dswa
Stephen King told a story....... When he saw that the container was filled to the top with beer bottles after being empty the week previously he realized that he was drinking 9 beers a day.
Stephen King only drank nine beers a night?!
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