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Old 06-03-2015, 08:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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2 years later... It took me so long


Hi everyone,

I haven't logged on to this page since August 2013. Not until today.

I actually forgot about this amazing webpage.. But that is simply because I forgot myself for almost 2 years.

So what has happened since August 2013?
Well, I became a full-blown alcoholic! I almost drank myself to death.. I can't remember how many nights I have ended up in hospital from intoxication or how many nights I have blacked out and ended up in weird places, cities and even other countries!

For some weird reason I never lost my job, nor my apartment or husband... But I lost dignity, self-respect and I almost lost my life.
At the very end I drank vodka in my coffee for breakfast. I had to drink at the office 4-5 times per day, otherwise I would get the shakes.
I started to forget things (couldn't tell whether what was happenings was a dream, hallucination or if it was all imagination or maybe some story someone told me once.. or was it all real life?!), I was tired, ugly, cranky, sad, depressed, dumb, irritable and so on and so on...

I hit rock bottom around Christmas and New years 2014.. I drank 24/7 and I just passed out, woke up and started drinking again, passed out and woke up just to start "the party" again.. I kept going for 9 days without a break.. On the 9th day my sister came to me (we don't live in the same countries so it was a long flight for her to come see me) and she said one sentence and that sentence saved my life.
She said "I am not leaving until you've called AA".
She put the phone in my hand, dialled the number (I can't remember this) to AA's emergency phone and forced me to talk to an AA member who came and met me and took me to the nearest meeting.
I can't remember more than 5 minutes at the most from the meeting.. I only remember getting my 24hour medal and feeling scared, confused but also relieved.
After that I didn't leave bed for 3 days.. Delirium Tremens and being sick. I had the shakes, fever and I was sick over and over again.. I couldn't eat, talk.. I just didn't function. 3 days later I went back to AA.
This was 5 months and 1 day ago.

My sister and AA saved my life!
I am never going back to that hell! NEVER AGAIN!
In 2014 I was sober for 3 days (!3 DAYS OUT OF 365!), this year I have been sober for 152 days
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Old 06-03-2015, 08:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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welcome, accept.

glad you're finding your way again.
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome back to SR and the 'truly good life', accept, and congratulations on five months and one day!!!!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
...holds the key
 
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Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this today.
And congratulations on your new life.
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I just came back to this website. The last time I was here was also in august 2013!! Nothing has changed for me since then. I 'ran away' from the website and carried on drinking. I hadn't realised that it had been that long ago that I came and cried for help and nothing has changed. It has saddened me but also frightened me to realise that I have still not got any better. I also wake up with no memory of the night before, usually fully dressed and with an immense feeling of guilt.

Hoping this time I will stick around and maybe find the willpower to change before I ruin my body any more!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I love posts like this. Out of the depths of hell....to the blessings of sobriety.
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
A Day at a Time
 
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Wow is all can say. What an inspiring post.

It can be done and you are doing it. Congrats!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome back and congrats on your sober time!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Loved this post!

Congratulations on your soberiety.
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Old 06-03-2015, 11:09 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
In 2014 I was sober for 3 days (!3 DAYS OUT OF 365!)
you have me beat there my last year of drinkign I dont think i was ever sober a day. heck the last 5+ years i wasnt sober a day.

Good job on the sober time! I myself hit that point too where i was drinking in the mornings sometimes or on the clock just to calm my nerves take that edge off. I new i might have a problem then.

My saving grace where my wife and kids it wouda spiraled even further out of control I think if i was all by myself.

Good job!
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Old 06-03-2015, 12:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
What's the world coming to when you can't trust an recovering alcoholic ex degenerate gambler huh ?
 
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Welcome bk
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Old 06-03-2015, 01:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thank you all! A big big thank you for your support and cheering, welcoming words.

I just read through my old threads. I had no clue that I was so aware of my alcoholism already in January 2012 and August 2013... Obviously I logged on to SR and tried to sober up back then.. I can hardly remember it. It is scary how much alcohol has ruined for me, how many memories that are lost... I am not talking about a few nights with black outs, I am talking about long periods (months) where everything is a big blur.

I think the reason to why it took me so long to sober up was because I didnt get any real life consequences from my drinking... I actually took a Masters degree in Economics while being an alcoholic (with top grades)! After that I started my career within finance (which has been absolutely fenomenal). No wonder I didnt find any reason to quit!! I had it all at the same time as I was being a drunk!

However.. During 2014 I started to see the damage alcohol did to my body. I had constant pain in my stomach, I was throwing up in the mornings, I didnt function until I had a few "recovery drinks", I looked 10 years older all the sudden, I was slow and felt dumb.. Couldnt focus and had no energy nor inspiration to do anything.
I remember how I woke up in the morning and my first thought was "did I finish all drinks last nights or do I have enough to recover myself before work?".. Second thought was "TOILET!" because I had to run to the bathroom and throw up.. Of course I always threw up alcohol from the night before - and how did I fix feeling sick? By having a recovery drink (read: 3-4 drinks).
I started to call in sick to work, staying at home binging on the couch and passing out in my living room with A & E Intervention-episodes on the TV in the background.. I remember once when I went to work and threw up on my way to the office in front of alot of people.. I thought I was throwing up blood so I got terrified and ran home and called in Sick.. After a few minutes I realized that I had red wine the night before so it wasnt blood I saw on the side walk, just wine. That made me happy so I decided to celebrate with a glass of wine and "relax and enjoy my day off work".
Of course that day ended up with me being wasted and passing out on the couch, and the day after I naturally stayed at home "recovering" (drinking)/being hungover again, and so on and so on.

Another time (when my man was out of town) I decided to celebrate the weekend with a one person-party! I stayed in our apartment and just drank the entire weekend. I wanted to have an artistic weekend filled with drawing, painting and creating (I am a bit artistic by nature) and as everyone knows - great minds and artists are drunks! I was so drunk that weekend and when Sunday evening came I counted how much I had consumed that weekend - 5 bottles of red wine, 0,7 litres of Vodka and 24 0,5 litres of beer... I should have been dead.
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Old 06-03-2015, 01:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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PS. Sorry if my English is a bit poor, its not my mother tongue (I am Swedish)
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Old 06-03-2015, 04:46 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Great to see you back and doing well accept

D

ps your English is excellent - no worries at all
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Old 06-03-2015, 05:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Excellent post!

Really glad that you're doing so well. Keep it going!
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Old 06-03-2015, 08:03 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by accept View Post
I thought I was throwing up blood so I got terrified and ran home and called in Sick.. After a few minutes I realized that I had red wine the night before so it wasnt blood I saw on the side walk, just wine. That made me happy so I decided to celebrate with a glass of wine
That right there perfectly captures the insanity of it all. Welcome back!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:10 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Great to hear! Stories like this can help many. I'm not quite at your level, as I still drink daily. However, I've cut down a lot over the past year. It's still a work in progress.

I guess your rock bottom can kind of inspire others who feel like their situation is really bad. However, it really isn't since it's not at that level. That feeling of hopelessness is lessened when you share stories like this. It can help others who aren't at the level even if they feel they are.

There is still a great window of opportunity for many others to stop completely, even if it takes longer than expected.

That is where I am at this point. As long as it's a steady decline in consumption, I feel that it's a step in the right direction.

Keep it up!
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Old 06-03-2015, 09:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome back and congratulations on your sobriety!!!
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Old 06-03-2015, 10:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome back and it's great for me to hear this today
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Old 06-04-2015, 07:59 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Wow!

I can relate to the "not getting any consequences" part of your story. With the benefit of sobriety I can think about that all day. Were there really "no consequences"? I honestly don't know. It reminds me of that line from the Talking Heads' Once in a Lifetime "You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, and you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?"

Good luck, Accept, and congratulations.
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