Soberintexas007

Well, yesterday ended up being a battle for me with some of the withdrawal symptoms (anxiety and depression), so I ended up drinking a little bit to cope and taper off.

Today, however, I am feeling 100% again and plan on staying sober for the evening. One of the big changes I have made in my recovery plan is eating three meals each day. Prior to this, I was eating nothing throughout the day and somewhat binging late at night. So I think this change may help control my cravings. So I guess I am putting more emphasis on my sobriety than I am on my weight, even though it may still work out in my favor anyways.

Also, I just took my first practice exam for my eventual licensing examination online. The test is 200 questions, and I have 4 hours to take the test. The good news is that based on this practice exam, I would have passed the test! I feel very relieved to know that I am still on track despite my recent excessive alcohol consumption.

So I guess there is still hope for me...

ryan9119

There is always hope, friend. What exam?

ScottFromWI

What did you find out about rehab? Have you gotten back to meetings and reconnected with your sponsor?

NotYouAgain

Hello Soberintexas007

I noticed you have made almost a thousand posts. I have not read all them, just this one. Please forgive me if I am out of line here.

You most probably know this, and if you do, I am just reminding you.
Alcohol consumption taxes the body's serotonin levels, which increases a person's level of anxiety and depression.
Though drinking alcohol may relieve the anxiety and depression, it actually makes it worse when you get sober. It is a catch-22 situation.

The best thing to do is stop drinking altogether and start getting involved with other people in recovery, such as AA.
And learn other ways to deal with early recovery anxiety and depression.

If you really want to stop drinking, and find it too hard to do so alone, then you only have one other option.
Get help from actually meeting people face-to-face who can help you.

Take a risk!

Otherwise, old dependable Compromise will talk you out of it ever time.
I know, I had beating around the bush for seven years before hitting it on the head.
I lost seven years of my life because I would not take the risk of sitting out my anxiety and depression without picking up a drink, and not getting (face-to-face) help from others.
Don't suffer like I did, and almost die.
Get serious, get humble, and do something about it before it's too late.

Take a risk!

Soberintexas007

To become a therapist.

Soberintexas007

The rehab person never got back to me. But, like I said, that will be utilized as an option of last resort if the time comes. For example, I first should see if eating three meals a day will help my sobriety, as this will just be something they do at rehab. Who knows, maybe the eating was playing a significant role in my relapses because of low blood sugar and cravings.

I still check in with my sponsor daily, although we won't resume the steps until I show a commitment to longer term sobriety, which makes sense to me.

Yes, I am finding time to go to meetings.

And, remember, I still see my therapist on Saturdays.

fini

hello NYA; maybe you had an intro somewhere and i missed it, so i'm just saying welcome to you.
sounds like the risk-taking is panning out for you sobriety-wise?
yes, it does take courage, i found.

Soberintexas007

I totally agree with you! And that is why today I am completely sober and not drinking or not taking any other mood altering substances!

Soberintexas007

Also, I wanted to add the other components to my recovery that I have added to my life, which would also probably be taught at a rehab.
(1) Meditation - After my run today, I meditated and cleared my thoughts.
(2) Exercise - I noticed that today I exercised at a more moderate and relaxed level, whereas before I overdid it and got myself all charged up. "Easy Does It" I told myself.
(3) Already had two meals today, and will have my third later.
(4)Goals - Took my practice exam today. Gives me a purpose and meaning to my life.
(5) Prayer - I prayed to my Higher Power for peace and compassion.
(6)Reaching Out - I reached out to may dad today and had a nice talk about alcoholism and my recovery. He is very understanding and a good, reasonable person to talk to. Also reaching out to other AA contacts.

ryan9119

Focus on your diet and your exercise. Maybe obsess about it. It gives you a thing to eliminate wandering thought.

Look at proteins and carbs make little meal plans. YouTube fitness stuff. Go to Dicks or sporting goods stores and just look around. **** to motivate you.

Soberintexas007

I know that in the long run if I am able to overcome my addiction, my adversity and everything that I have been through can be used to help others and empathize with their own challenges.

Progress, not Perfection!!!

ScottFromWI

The same therapist that recommended harm reduction that you quit seeing earlier in the week?

Soberintexas007

She only recommended harm reduction because she thought that I was not committed to total abstinence. As an effective therapist, she "joined" me where I was at in that moment without pushing abstinence on me, even though she knows that is my ultimate goal. If a client does not choose abstinence, it is important that a therapist reduce whatever harm that can happen (for example, teaching that person to lock their keys in a safe before drinking). But my therapist does want abstinence for me, so we are all good.

I had quit her temporarily because I was unsure she was a good fit for me. But she called me and asked me to still come in for a closing session, and it was at that time that I decided she is a good fit for me because we were able to discuss my resistance during that session.

And, you have to remember, that she was originally my gambling addiction therapist, and that so far has been successfully treated with over 30 days of me not placing any bets. But she also deals with substance abuse as well, so we are able to try and kill two birds with the same stone.

Soberintexas007

I really think this eating issue can be the "saving grace" to my recovery. Now that I am eating earlier in the day, I don't have any cravings for alcohol later in the evening so far. It's like what they say in that book "Living Sober," in that no alcoholic wanted some whiskey after eating a piece of chocolate cake (it was something like that, I am too lazy to look it up)

Soberintexas007

And maybe the rehab counselor I talked to on the phone yesterday did not think I presented an immediate need for rehab. We talked on the phone for about 20 minutes, and I think he realized that there is still hope for me without necessarily needed rehab. Who knows, only time will tell. But if I continue to exercise, eat right pray, go to meetings, work the steps, have a career goal and purpose, then maybe I can actually do this. I feel that today is a turning point.

ryan9119

I've always found the idea of alcohol on a full stomach absolutely repellent.

Soberintexas007

Well, I am off to the grocery store. I think I am going to make myself a nice shrimp salad for dinner.

Soberintexas007

Yes, you are totally right! And that is what is said in the book "Living Sober." Prior to today, I was not eating until sometimes 10 or 11 pm at night, so I had HUGE alcohol cravings prior in the day because of low blood sugar (alcohol feeds off of low blood sugar). So now that I am eating throughout the day, alcohol does not seem as pleasing to me!!! Look how one small change could change everything for me! But now I may have to deal with issues of possibly gaining weight. But if I eat right and continue to exercise, that may not be a problem. Plus, I will not be taking in all those calories from beer and wine, LOL!

I came to the realization that this alcohol thing is DESTROYING me. This insight pushed my eating disorder right to the backseat!!!

ryan9119

I just eat plain. Lots of chicken, tuna and brown rice, oatmeal and vegetables. Beef protein isolate. I have to follow a low fodmap diet or I get a bad stomach.

I just eat for nutrition. I just look at it as fuel.

Soberintexas007

That sounds like the perfect diet! And you view food more for fuel and not as a pleasure, which can get into a food addiction.