Health anxieties, as usual.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Health anxieties, as usual.
Hi all. I am sorry to be a pest. All day I have been telling myself not to get on here and act needy and whiny.
I am super anxious though. I hate myself for drinking after a prediabetes diagnosis. Why, why, why. I should have been on best behavior. But no, I screwed up, then was ok, then drank again. And I binge, for weeks and was an every day binger for over twelve years. Twelve years. I can't even wrap my head around it. Now I am convinced I have pancreatitis or will become totally diabetic in a very short time. I can't even try to stay positive. No way can a girl drink that hard that long and expect not to have problems. It's driving me nuts and preventing me from enjoying attempting sobriety at all.
I have to go back for another blood test for a1c in a couple weeks. If by some miracle I have not permanently damaged myself, I will truly start to believe in angels.
Well the nicer ones, not the ones that kick ya out of the garden anyway...
I am super anxious though. I hate myself for drinking after a prediabetes diagnosis. Why, why, why. I should have been on best behavior. But no, I screwed up, then was ok, then drank again. And I binge, for weeks and was an every day binger for over twelve years. Twelve years. I can't even wrap my head around it. Now I am convinced I have pancreatitis or will become totally diabetic in a very short time. I can't even try to stay positive. No way can a girl drink that hard that long and expect not to have problems. It's driving me nuts and preventing me from enjoying attempting sobriety at all.
I have to go back for another blood test for a1c in a couple weeks. If by some miracle I have not permanently damaged myself, I will truly start to believe in angels.
Well the nicer ones, not the ones that kick ya out of the garden anyway...
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
The human body is a marvellous mechanism.
Capable of enduring far more than we give credit for.
Nearly every major organ is capable of self regeneration, given enough time.
A therapist I used to see gave me some great advice.
She called it "tiger response " ie: the body is geared towards fight or flight...... Anxiety is a precursor to the actual fight or flight...... From something dangerous, like a tiger.
Are there any tigers nearby?
A genuine reason for anxiety?
No?
Then the tiger is in your head..... Fear based anxiety, with no actual cause...... Just mental.
Occupy yourself as much as possible.
Try to keep your head where your hands are. Focus on the now.
Hope that helps
Capable of enduring far more than we give credit for.
Nearly every major organ is capable of self regeneration, given enough time.
A therapist I used to see gave me some great advice.
She called it "tiger response " ie: the body is geared towards fight or flight...... Anxiety is a precursor to the actual fight or flight...... From something dangerous, like a tiger.
Are there any tigers nearby?
A genuine reason for anxiety?
No?
Then the tiger is in your head..... Fear based anxiety, with no actual cause...... Just mental.
Occupy yourself as much as possible.
Try to keep your head where your hands are. Focus on the now.
Hope that helps
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I think you need to stop googling and obsessing over these dx that you are coming up with. Weren't you one point into pre-diabetes range 3 months ago?
Now you have talked yourself into pancreatitis? This is not helping you.
if your doctor ordered an A1C, there is a range there, it isn't cut and dried, but drinking alcohol is not a good idea.
You have a lot of free time, you can do many other things, job search, get outside, clean your house, exercise, volunteer which may lead to employment ( Amy/impurrfect did this). Be practical.
Honestly, victim attitude /blaming your boss ( you quit)? Is not going to get you happy.
I wish you the best in utilizing your talents and discovering your assets.
Now you have talked yourself into pancreatitis? This is not helping you.
if your doctor ordered an A1C, there is a range there, it isn't cut and dried, but drinking alcohol is not a good idea.
You have a lot of free time, you can do many other things, job search, get outside, clean your house, exercise, volunteer which may lead to employment ( Amy/impurrfect did this). Be practical.
Honestly, victim attitude /blaming your boss ( you quit)? Is not going to get you happy.
I wish you the best in utilizing your talents and discovering your assets.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
hi.
Before I finally sobered up I used up much energy with thinking and worrying about the WHAT IFs.
What a total waste!
I finally learned to use that energy in a positive thinking way starting with concentrating on not drinking.
Many years later it still works.
BE WELL
Before I finally sobered up I used up much energy with thinking and worrying about the WHAT IFs.
What a total waste!
I finally learned to use that energy in a positive thinking way starting with concentrating on not drinking.
Many years later it still works.
BE WELL
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by sleepie 
It's driving me nuts and preventing me from enjoying attempting sobriety at all.
This is the cunning, baffling nature of alcoholism, not anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
All day I have been telling myself not to get on here and act needy and whiny.
As a child that exact behavior was met with "dont be a *****" from my step father. Nice huh? So do you think everyone here is going to pull out a club and beat on you and make you feel crappy becuase you feel down?
Sure there might be the few that come along and say hey now buck up you can do this. But they do not mean harm by that response.
I'm not sure about you but I know for me I need positive reinforcement more so then the average person. I need to constantly hear that i'm doing ok it'll be alright to the point where this can annoy people. Some people might get a fat head me? i barely get my head out of the gutter but thats just enough to keep me smiling.
Hawks had a good response to you. Stay in the now stay in the present moment. Dont let your mind detour into worrying about all sorts of stuff making you even more anxious.
I'm my own worst enemy with that sort of thing. Just this morning I diagnosed myself with ADHD with the help of doctor google. I've also convinced myself that my lungs where filling with blood among many other health ailments. Some maybe real some maybe not but nothing I can do anything about in the moment.
When you worry about whatever your basicly living that outcome now. Instead of living Now right now. So if your worried about something in the future your living it now. Over and over and over again your living the pain. then when the time arrives and it REALLY happens you get to deal with it all AGAIN. while your doing this your missing out on any Good things that might be happening RIGHT NOW because your too upset aand worried about what if.
I try really hard to not live future what if events right now as hard as it is sometimes. I also try not to live things that already happened either. Today has enough trouble for me right now there is enoughf or me to handle I dont need anymore.
Keep posting here for support. Its what the sight is here for.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
have you read the power of now by eckhartt tolle? It might help. The point of the book is to try and keep your mind in the present moment. Let the rest of this rise and fall like the waves on the ocean. But keep yourself in the present moment. After all as he says the present moment is all that we really have.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
and if it helps i repeated the viscous worry cycle 834890321093210321 times till i started to learn how to get out of it. and before i started drinking i was pretty good at not getting into it to begin with. I'm still no saint however. I still have my struggles as well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Hawks
The human body is a marvellous mechanism.
Capable of enduring far more than we give credit for.
Nearly every major organ is capable of self regeneration, given enough time.
A therapist I used to see gave me some great advice.
She called it "tiger response " ie: the body is geared towards fight or flight...... Anxiety is a precursor to the actual fight or flight...... From something dangerous, like a tiger.
Are there any tigers nearby?
A genuine reason for anxiety?
No?
Then the tiger is in your head..... Fear based anxiety, with no actual cause...... Just mental.
Occupy yourself as much as possible.
Try to keep your head where your hands are. Focus on the now.
Hope that helps
Capable of enduring far more than we give credit for.
Nearly every major organ is capable of self regeneration, given enough time.
A therapist I used to see gave me some great advice.
She called it "tiger response " ie: the body is geared towards fight or flight...... Anxiety is a precursor to the actual fight or flight...... From something dangerous, like a tiger.
Are there any tigers nearby?
A genuine reason for anxiety?
No?
Then the tiger is in your head..... Fear based anxiety, with no actual cause...... Just mental.
Occupy yourself as much as possible.
Try to keep your head where your hands are. Focus on the now.
Hope that helps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
[QUOTE]I need positive reinforcement more so then the average person. /QUOTE]
Exactly. Geez, zjw this is exactly my trouble. Also had an abusive upbringing. People who haven't really cannot fathom the depths to which it damages a person when you parents, who were supposed to protect and nurture you, torment you in your own personal concentration camp during your formative years for about a couple decades. Kinda leaves a lasting impression. The best part? When you become a f*** up- it's YOUR fault. They had nothin' to do with it. Nope. You're just playin' victim. It's totally good parenting AND normal to terrorize your child with knives and psychologically torment them as well as hit them and berate them constantly and torture their pets in front of them. They did the best they could. Stop being such a sissy.
Exactly. Geez, zjw this is exactly my trouble. Also had an abusive upbringing. People who haven't really cannot fathom the depths to which it damages a person when you parents, who were supposed to protect and nurture you, torment you in your own personal concentration camp during your formative years for about a couple decades. Kinda leaves a lasting impression. The best part? When you become a f*** up- it's YOUR fault. They had nothin' to do with it. Nope. You're just playin' victim. It's totally good parenting AND normal to terrorize your child with knives and psychologically torment them as well as hit them and berate them constantly and torture their pets in front of them. They did the best they could. Stop being such a sissy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
[QUOTE=sleepie;5267748] Yep I can relate. I'll always be the "**** kid" to a few oh well its there problem not mine.
and your right you do basicly get setup for disaster I really think you said it well and hten somehow its still all your fault.
Concentration camp yes yes in my case I wont say it was /that bad/ but horrid yea day in and day out hell.
I'm going to try and say this in a way that hopefully makes sense. If your no longer in that situation then you do have the benefit of being able to climb out of that situation and no longer be the person that is still in that situation if this makes sense.
For me the abusive life was normal. I did not know how to operate outside of that life. I did not know what normal was. I did not know how to integrate with other people in healthy ways and have healthy relationships. I did not know what normal was.
I did not know what a normal mother or father was. I did now know how a normal healthy life should operate.
I thank my wife for showing me a lot of how things should be in life. So many times over the years i've said things like sooo the proper response is to not beat the snot out of the child? ok then umm what do we do? and i seroiusly dont know.
So I think if you can find your way out of that mindset. If you can shed that exoskeloton of an abusive life etc.. and let the new one underneatht hat come to the surface you will feel good. You will find you have no use for that exoskeloton / person that once wore it etc..
Posting here and talking to people finding yoru bearings and such I think will help ou navigate your way out so that you can put on the new skin and learn how to be comfortable in your new skin. and meet the new you and get to know yourself. this person that is not pinned down and beaten down by years of abuse and or addiction. who is that person? keep moving forward and you'll find out.
That is how my journey has been and keep in mind. Your destination might be this happy healthy sober person etc.. correct? But the journey to that destinatio is probably a lot more important so respect it appreciate it and be happy for it. its very important and you cant have that destination without the journey to it etc..
I hope this helps I hope i said it right.
I need positive reinforcement more so then the average person. /QUOTE]
Exactly. Geez, zjw this is exactly my trouble. Also had an abusive upbringing. People who haven't really cannot fathom the depths to which it damages a person when you parents, who were supposed to protect and nurture you, torment you in your own personal concentration camp during your formative years for about a couple decades. Kinda leaves a lasting impression. The best part? When you become a f*** up- it's YOUR fault. They had nothin' to do with it. Nope. You're just playin' victim. It's totally good parenting AND normal to terrorize your child with knives and psychologically torment them as well as hit them and berate them constantly and torture their pets in front of them. They did the best they could. Stop being such a sissy.
Exactly. Geez, zjw this is exactly my trouble. Also had an abusive upbringing. People who haven't really cannot fathom the depths to which it damages a person when you parents, who were supposed to protect and nurture you, torment you in your own personal concentration camp during your formative years for about a couple decades. Kinda leaves a lasting impression. The best part? When you become a f*** up- it's YOUR fault. They had nothin' to do with it. Nope. You're just playin' victim. It's totally good parenting AND normal to terrorize your child with knives and psychologically torment them as well as hit them and berate them constantly and torture their pets in front of them. They did the best they could. Stop being such a sissy.
and your right you do basicly get setup for disaster I really think you said it well and hten somehow its still all your fault.
Concentration camp yes yes in my case I wont say it was /that bad/ but horrid yea day in and day out hell.
I'm going to try and say this in a way that hopefully makes sense. If your no longer in that situation then you do have the benefit of being able to climb out of that situation and no longer be the person that is still in that situation if this makes sense.
For me the abusive life was normal. I did not know how to operate outside of that life. I did not know what normal was. I did not know how to integrate with other people in healthy ways and have healthy relationships. I did not know what normal was.
I did not know what a normal mother or father was. I did now know how a normal healthy life should operate.
I thank my wife for showing me a lot of how things should be in life. So many times over the years i've said things like sooo the proper response is to not beat the snot out of the child? ok then umm what do we do? and i seroiusly dont know.
So I think if you can find your way out of that mindset. If you can shed that exoskeloton of an abusive life etc.. and let the new one underneatht hat come to the surface you will feel good. You will find you have no use for that exoskeloton / person that once wore it etc..
Posting here and talking to people finding yoru bearings and such I think will help ou navigate your way out so that you can put on the new skin and learn how to be comfortable in your new skin. and meet the new you and get to know yourself. this person that is not pinned down and beaten down by years of abuse and or addiction. who is that person? keep moving forward and you'll find out.
That is how my journey has been and keep in mind. Your destination might be this happy healthy sober person etc.. correct? But the journey to that destinatio is probably a lot more important so respect it appreciate it and be happy for it. its very important and you cant have that destination without the journey to it etc..
I hope this helps I hope i said it right.
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