alaina742

Part of the frustration comes in because it's never just one thing. For example, redo this form, or make a map. It's not one form or one map. I have 35 systems. So, it's 35 forms or 35 maps. He doesn't think of that part when these decrees come out.

Ok I'm done thinking about this until Monday.

zjw

I had more to say but I'm going to leave it alone. I think you said the right thing with your last statement. I myself have work on the mind and i'm like NOPE gonna let it wait till monday!!

alaina742

Plan for today: get all reports up to what he wants, all electronic copies on server.

zjw

one thing that helps me is i make small simple goals at work. Today i'm going to at least try and accomplish X if i get that much done i pat myself on the back. My goals are probably a lot smaller then what my boss would like to see but I can only do so much and it helps me keep content and happy.

alaina742

I have 18 maps, so that's halfway done!

alaina742

Goal for today: get all the documents updated, scanned and back on the server for approval. I will only be there for a half day, but if I hustle it should be possible. With working on some maps if I get done early. Oh, and my speech! I have to speak in front of 300 people next week at a banquet to give an award. I just really think my awardee is wonderful and I want him to know this. I just hope I don't get emotional.

alaina742

I hate admitting this, but today is another day one. Yesterday was pretty bad. I went to my meeting and spoke for about 10 minutes (there were just three of us). I said it all- I'm tired of trying and failing, it's just making my depression worse. That I'm frustrated at work and it's hard for me not to use that as an excuse. I got some great suggestions and overall just feel so much more committed to the program. I keep thinking of our chairwoman and her 37 years.

So today, I'm only working a half day. I'm trying to take care of myself. And I'm off Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So, by the time Monday rolls around, I will have 4 days. It's harder to throw away 4 days than it is to say "I will just start over tomorrow." If I get this stuff done today, that makes Monday more manageable. I can do something for four hours. That's not asking too much.

Saturday is back to back meetings then lunch and possibly a nature walk with my best friend. Then the gym. Sunday is a walk outside and time with my family. Both things I need. Friday is cooking for the week, any shopping, cleaning, gym and 8pm meeting. So I should be fine over the weekend. Might add in the 5:30 Sunday meeting.

Tuesday meeting I am going to ask a woman to be my sponsor.

zjw

sounds like your just getting beat up and kicked in the teeth. But whos doing the beating? Make sure its not you. and if its someone else and or your job be sure to realize its there problem. once quiting time rolls around shut off the work hell.

a half day work and some time off sounds like a great idea in your case.

I manage to stay sober myself But when i have time off i'm one person. and when i have to work i'm another person. it bothers me a lot.

my point is I think keep in mind take this time off get some peace relax collect yourself calm yourself etc.. When you go back to work brace yourself realize what your in for but also realize that once quiting time comes around you can go back to that calm collected person and relax even if for only a short time before the next day of work.

I look forward to quiting time. I look forward to weekends. I feel like a kid who has to go to school and hates it only the school i go to is the new school where i'm a nervious wreck on day one each day.

In my case i've manged to wrap my mind around this just enough to stay away fromt he bottle about it. I hope you can do the same. I think you can from some of your posts you seem to have a better attitude about some stuff then i do at times.

Ok I'm done thinking about this until Monday.

What you said there still sticks to me. You could not have said it any better.

years ago i used to go to happy hour with people after work. at first we'd all sit there and bitch about work all night long and no one would have a good time. Finally we created a rule where we could all discuss work and complain all we wanted for an hour. then after that hour we had to discuss somehting else. We'd all keep each other in check over said rule too.

maybe set some boundaries. after quiting time shut work off. tell yourself you left that at the office dont bring it home with you. it'll be there the next day when you get there deal with it then.

I'm rooten for you.

alaina742

The doctor's office just called and moved my appointment from 6 to 3. So I will be leaving in about 2 hours But at the same time I want to get all this stuff done so I better get on that!

Just booked my hotel for the one day conference and banquet I'm attending next week.

alaina742

You know, every time I'm having a good day anymore, something has to come along and ruin it. And it's really starting to **** me off.

Hawks

Ask the woman with 37 years to take you through the steps / book (sponsor)

Could be the best thing you can do for your sobriety

zjw

I had to accept that i was damned if i do damned if i dont. it is the way that it is and swallowing that pill sucks but its just the way it is.

besides you cant have good without the bad anyhow. I blindly moved forward with sobriety in the beging. it sucked 99% of the time. I was just knocken down days for what i felt was no point at all because life still seemed to suck drunk or not. But it was getting just a tiny bit better and I couldnt deny that so i kept pushing ahead.

alaina742

Today is just a lost cause. At least once it is over I will finally have 24 hours. No one is getting in the way of that.

I'm just so over being treated badly! All I did was ask her to sign a form. She said no, ok, fine but she kept bringing it up and in the end, she goes, here give me the form. So I do and she proceeds to write "I don't know" to the answers to all the questions. And when I asked for the form back, I had to ask several times because she was refusing! How childish. I've done NOTHING to this person, I only saw her for the first time today.

Hawks

It's easier said than done, but

Try not to let your emotional state be predicated on the moods, talk and reactions of others.

you may not always be able to do it, but practice practice practice and it gets easier and easier.

alaina742

My day is already ruined. I don't care anymore.

It's just the principle. All she had to say was no, not act like a petulant child. And it is a big deal. I might have to pay back like $700 to my job (which I don't have) if I cannot get some kind of leave approved for being in the hospital.

alaina742

So I come in today and guess what? THERE IS A NEW STACK ON MY DESK. Yes, that's right, after spending HOURS on Thrusday to get 8 of the 13 revised, he found a completely new stack of papers that I gave him over the months that also need revised.

I'M IN PURGATORY.

doggonecarl

I understand the frustration. But you are clinging to it and the resentment it is causing to your own detriment.

zjw

Doggonecarl said it right dont cling to it for too long it'll eat ya up. Do the work or dont do the work but dont hold on tot he frustration and such. I think thats the trick i've learned. In my case i may very well loose my job one day for not doing the work at times but I dont cling to the frustration as much as i once did.

dont let it get the best of you even tho I know sometimes it might.

alaina742

IT NEVER ENDS. It's hard not to have a new resentment when there's a new stack on my desk. If i could just get through them, get them approved without any MORE revisions, I'd let it go.

alaina742

I can't not do it. It's either do it or don't eat or don't have a place to live. I lose this job, I'm literally homeless and unemployable. It's not really an option. I have nowhere else to go, and no one else will hire me.