SoberLeigh

(((cow)))). As you know, I read; I try to absorb; if I don't know what to say, I remain silent - silent, but optimistic and hopeful that you will find success.

I am 100000% in your corner.

Soberpotamus

Silentrun, my condolences... so sorry for your loss. I must've missed your post the first go around.

courage2

Every once in a while, I don't know how often it happens where you are, some places pretty often, someone will come into an AA meeting and rage. We have a policy in NYC that someone who disrupts the meeting will be asked to leave, and if they continue to be disruptive, we do remove them.

Suicide, I suggest that if you have anything helpful to add to the conversation on Cow's thread, you do it in a supportive tone. If not, please just ignore this thread.

alphaomega

(((((silent)))))

Lenina

(((((SR)))). I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you have some good support.
Seems to my tragedies came in bulk as well. I know you will get through it, we will be here for you.

((((Cow)))). As has been said, don't focus on the one thing that is hurtful. Please focus on the friendship and love we offer up for you. Please note we are not dissimilar, we are more alike in our relationships to the substances of abuse.

love to you, dear one.

And thanks to you all for reading my post. I'm glad it was helpful.

Love from Lenina

Della1968

Maybe it's me but I love these threads.

silentrun

You are right where you need to be Cow. The worst thing is just to give up and let it get you alone. Never give up trying. Just saying if ever someone takes you to the ground, puts her knee in the small of your back, grabs a handful of your hair and starts screaming Wake up Cow!!!!!! buy me lunch. I have faith that you will figure this out and in the meantime I have learned a lot from these threads.
I am honestly surprised that guy got to you. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Cow

Thanks for all kind words. Usual not let such thing get to me, and I try even to understand people who has problem with me, but I wake up in particular depress mood this morning, already weepy, menopausal and then POW....straw meet camel. I think was just suggestion that my existence here is joke and disrespect to addicts, was little harsh, you know?

Anyway, I over it, and until D pull my plug, I here until fat cow sings.

PS. How you so sure you taking me down? Huh? Maybe I knows jiu-jitmoo.

puffy

Hey Cow! I'm a long time lurker since end of '13. My shyness keeps me from posting. However, it is your thread that I gravitate to each day. It is the first one that I click on. I'm sad when you take a break and equally happy when you return. This thread has helped me tremendously. And I must add it is also the regular contributors that I'm drawn to. So, for every post that is negative or maybe just doesn't get it there are others like me who get something out of it even if we are the quiet ones.

Cow

I been thinking about this proposition more and more. Robot? Anybody? Any ideas.

I has to find reward system that not involve "feeling good" cuz probable not gonna get that ... ... but what else is there really? "Thinking good"? Not rewarding really. "Doing good"? Reward of that mostly "feeling good" about it.

Hello PuffyCheeks! I very honor you delurk for me. Is mean a lot, and what you said is compliment of highest order to whole wonderful motley crew here. Now that you cloaking device off, maybe you stick around and talk more. I really do think is lot of time it the "lurkers" we end up learning from most. Moo Mwah.

Della1968

You always make me smile Cow. Thank you for that.

trachemys

Cow, how 'bout a "Good List" Make a list of good actions, good outcomes, and good rewards. Keep it updated and dynamic. You do something good for yourself, you get a reward. A tangible reward. Not a good feeling but, maybe a good cookie. A real cookie. Not something imaginary. Something real. Ice Cream.

Cow

Hi Trach, I need to find what is good reward for the anhednoic. Food, yes, can appeal to senses, however, as ex-obese, anorexic and bulimic, I has to be careful about use food for reward. I not can moderate treats. Example, still now, I will get pint of ice cream, have little bit, then eat whole thing and purge it up. Is probable cuz high reward food directly trigger brain chemistry, just like the caffeine and the booze. ... ...dammit, now I wants a cookie...

trachemys

OK, let's try trips to the cabin, motorcycle rides(NOT Hill of Death), hikes, writing your stories down that your hikes inspire, nice long baths, massages, mani-pedis, what floats your boat? I know the food trigger thing. I put on 20 pounds eating ice cream and am now working it off. Yes, it triggers the brain chemistry. Now I could do with a cookie. What I'm really craving is pork skins.

dwtbd

Badges?


We don't need no stinkin badges

I think it supposed to be more Kantian moral imperativenessish, good living is the reward of living good. Do it and be cognizant of the doing.

Cow

Bathing? Manicures? ... ... OMG! Lenina?! Is that you?! What you done with Trach!

Nothing really "float my boat" Trach, that is whole problem. Is has to be reward strategy that total outside traditional "boat floating" paradigm. I use to get pleasure from dirtbike ride and massage, but even that has leave me. It not can be about "what is you enjoy" or "what feel good to you" cuz that not available to me, at least right now, you see?

Yeah, I has to lose 20 too. Total easy for menopausal old lady -NOT! I thinking of doing raw egg and bone broth cleanse.

dw, Yes, I know, but for most people they still "feel" reward for being cognizant of "living good." For instance, I do very nice thing for somebody today who was super appreciate of it, and I cognizant of that, but I not feel good or really feel anything about it. In fact, I total forgot about it until just now. Will have to brush up on my Kant. Does he has a slogan ..."Kant? Oh yes you Kan!"

strategery

This may sound really weird, but our gym would give us stamps on a piece of paper for doing group workouts during the fall. For whatever reason, I just wanted that sheet filled with stamps. While I could redeem the sheet for physical items, I really didn't care about the items, but I wanted something to acknowledge I had done something.

trachemys

Start a "Good Things Done" notebook. Write down the good things you do, like what you did today. It doesn't matter if you feel good about them right now. Recording them, seeing the good you do, might help. I don't think it'll turn you into Mother Teresa but it might help you.

Luckily, my new job will take care of my twenty pounds. I'm averaging 10 hour days of on-my-feet-and-moving physical labor. Loving it. I think I qualify for weirdest job on the forum. I make mascots.

Mascots, Character Costumes: International Mascot

Cow

Snoopdrunk, I actual just ask therapist to give me calendar to put gold star and red star, for clean day, not clean day. Is something from First Grade, I know, but, I would like to put on fridge. Cuz, if nothing else, I am competitive. She thought that great idea.

Trach, I already keeping lists. My sponsor make me do "glad about list" and "thing I do right" list, every day. Was suppose to be "gratitiude" list but I has to explain I not feel gratititude, so was settle on "glad about." I think you job awesome, I wish I had more physical job. I think I need to go work on farm for a year. I think that be good for me.

trachemys

And BTW, I know menopause is something different but, I'm 55 and work my butt off, and my brain empty, ten hours a day. Age is not a factor.