freddyc

So...I realize I have a problem. That's not up for debate. I'm wondering if anyone knows why I do the following: Not drink for 7-10 days, feel good about myself, etc. Then, go out and have 6-10 drinks in 1 night, feel like crap. Dry out. Repeat.

I'm wondering what it is inside of me that keeps doing this, despite all the negatives associated with drinking. I still binge drink. I do what I don't want to do. Why? Any thoughts on the psychology behind this?

PurpleKnight

I did that for years Freddy, the reason being was my body and mind was addicted to alcohol and the mind is great at forgetting bad experiences, so after a week or so when I was feeling a bit better my mind would try to convince me that I didn't really have a problem, things weren't as bad as I thought, moderating is something I could now do.

Addiction is a powerful change in mental make up, the body begins to crave substances and sheer will power sometimes can be no match for the endorphins that the mind produces when we think about that "amazing" first drink.

The answer for me was therefore not to try and do it on my own, my mind was too powerful in isolation, it would grind me down every time, what I instead needed was something outside of myself, a second opinion on things, something to short circuit my own thought processes!!

. . . and that came in the form of support from other people!!

Ruby2

Ditto what Purpleknight said. Our bodies are great at quickly forgetting the pain we inflict. When we are finally starting to feel better after our last outing, our addiction tells us that we are feeling ready to get back in the game.

The trick is knowing that this will happen and to short circuit it before you drink.

freddyc

Thanks to both of you. Great insights! What deceitful minds we have. Guess, I got some more work to do.

Soberwolf

I was the same Freddy i completly agree with PK

tomsteve

It reads like alcoholism to me.
It's what it does when untreated.

Boleo

Not-drinking does not treat the ISM component of alcohol-ISM.

What action are you taking? How are you living your life differently from what keeps you in that rut?

markz

Its pretty basic and simple actually.

You are a "Binge Drinker"
You are probably an "Alcoholic", only you can diagnose that along with a certified doctor. Your alacoholic mind set keeps you going back to the bottle.

Ken33xx

Why? I don't think anyone will ever know that answer.

For me it was hard to come the realization that it might be best to simply avoid that first drink. Makes life much simpler.

However, the question then became what would I do? Just about everything in my life before getting sober revolved around having a drink.

I went to meetings. Found a small group within the fellowship to hangout with and took things a day at a time.

AA isn't perfect nor or its members. However, it's a good place to get sober. You might consider checking out a few meetings. I'm sure you'll find a few where you feel comfortable attending and sharing.

lala34mc

You do it because you're an alcoholic, my dear. We have built in forgetters.

Kafkaesque

I agree with Ken, I don't think we will ever know why we specifically are the way we are and others are not. But with recovery, we can learn why we rely/relied on alcohol. I drank to deal with stress, to fill that empty void, and because I had low self-esteem. I'm still working on fixing those, but SR has helped in the year I've been on here. A year ago, I was drunk, in denial that I had a problem, and more depressed than ever. Now I'm happy, 50+ days sober, and hoping to make it another 50+.

Another

I believe it's done from habit mostly, I did that same pattern for years and never fully committed to completely abstaining. It's difficult to change the mind. I found a liberating effect by learning how to meditate and realize all is perfect as it is without the harmful chemical breaks in life. Good luck

FeenixxRising

I don't know about you, but I know exactly why I did what you appear to be doing. I did it for one simple reason: I liked the buzz, the high, the good feelings that drinking alcohol gave me. And when I wanted that high, I did not give a damn about the potential consequences. I literally said screw it, I'm going to drink. There was no other reason for my drinking. I didn't drink because of depression, or because of my childhood, or because my brain was screwed up, or because I was suffering from a spiritual malady--I drank because I enjoyed the high.

Of course, when I drank, I could not control my drinking, and the high only lasted a few hours, while the physical and emotional pain that resulted from my excessive drinking lasted far longer. The trade-off just wasn't rational, and since I consider myself a rational being, I decided it was time to find a way to resist the urge to get high. I did that by using Rational Recovery's AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). Others use programs like AA or SMART Recovery.

But my first step in this process was recognizing that I could not control my drinking and the only rational direction I could take was to quit for good. You can do the same, if you want it, but IMO, until you can accept that quitting for good is what you want to do, no program or recovery method will be of much help.

Soberella66

I can definitely relate to this. Great responses.

Dee74

the meta answer is alcoholism...

the more specific and salient answer is you're not doing enough to stop yourself from going back into that cycle.

I did it for years - stopped drinking because I felt so sick...then 3 or 4 days later felt great so I rationalised I'd over reacted and started the cycle again.

I wasn't really doing anything to try and get into recovery, I was just taking drinking breaks.

Think about what you're doing for your recovery freddy - and what you could add to it...more post and involvement here? joining a recovery group ;like AA or some other alternative? seeing your Dr for advice. or a counselor? Is rehab is a suitable option?

The balls in your court Freddy
D

Timmy1028

For years I was able to control a bad binge drinking issue. In college and in my 20s I was always the guy that went out and drank a lot, but you know what after a massive hangover-some that lasted two or three days :-)-I was feeling better and the next weekend would come along with a few more drinks and probably another bender.

Then I got an outside sales job. I work from home and made damn good money doing it. It was also a job where you were expected to take out clientele and drink with them. No problem! Obviously, you can see where this really steamrolled for me this is where the snowball really started rolling.A late company-sponsored ten drink night gave way to my old "nothing wrong with hair of the dog" philosophy left over from college.

Over the years the cycle that worse going into work later, having a drink or two to open the eyes in the morning and take the edge off, to drinking during the day and liquid lunches, to telling myself I needed to take a break and drying up for a week or two, then back to a binge that was worse than the one before, and then on to binges that were lasting for a couple of weeks. Basically, to the point of physical sickness where I would only dry out after a couple of days of nausea and other symptoms.

Not making light of your situation, 10 drinks on a weekend doesn't sound like anything to me anymore. But it's where I started. So, beware the slippery slope only you know what you have to do. That's just my experience.

Lance40

Humans are wired for pleasure. There must be some part of your binging that gives you a pleasure response, no matter how short lived. The aftermath isn't bad enough to overshadow the pleasure.

I quit drugs and alcohol at different times, and I just couldn't find the power and motivation to make sobriety stick for either one until the rush of the drugs was gone and there was no more warmth or happiness from the alcohol. In both cases the come downs and hangovers became so bad that thinking about using or drinking lost all appeal beyond chasing a high or buzz that died years before.

justme

I really needed to hear this today! Hadn't drank for two weeks and vowed it was done I blacked out for the last time! I've said that numerous times!!! But last night I called a friend that I knew would be drinking. She invited me over and while I drove there I thought you can handle one or two drinks. I even thought about how I felt two weeks before and I did make myself it was a big deal! Needless to say I didn't only drink two. Made it home and blacked out. I'm so tired I don't want something horrible to make me get it together😔 I'm glad I read this post and replies really made me think.