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AA and the higher power

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Old 11-19-2014, 12:36 PM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post
I wanted to point out to you that you did get outside assistance many, many times in your journey and it is my belief that many people who assisted you along the way were led by their Higher Power to be of service to those who are homeless and suffering from life controlling issues.

Do you remember the faces of those who gave you food at no cost? The shelters that gave you a place to shower and clean up? The library that gave you access to books and free internet?

I am one of those people who are not an alcoholic but grew up in alcoholic home. I now work thousand of hours for free to develop programs and ministries to support those in addiction and coming out of jails and prisons. I do this work because I understand how devastating addiction is to our community and especially to the 100 plus people that are directly affected by a single alcoholic or drug addict. I am most concerned for those children who are impacted by parents who are alcoholic and suffer.

Currently I am working with an amazing team of people on developing faith based residential treatment programs that will be located inside jails and prisons that will be financially supported by private donations. I do this work because it is my passion to see people set free...both the alcoholic and their families from this devastating disease. I am just one person but there are countless millions of people working on this growing crisis of addiction in our nation and the world.

So give credit where credit is due. Remember the hundreds of times you were helped in your journey to freedom from active alcoholism by a person you gave a you a hand up... many were reaching out to you because of their Higher Power who I believe loves you even while you don't acknowledge his role in your life or the universe.
I'll admit to accepting food and such from people handing them out. I'll also tell you about the feelings of shame, humiliation and disgrace. Without fail i felt that i was such a loser that i couldn't even function at minimum levels in life and had to accept handouts instead of pulling my weight in the world like a man should. Even now i'm massively disappointed with life for accomplishing virtually nothing worthwhile,whilst failing at virtually every critical moment since childhood.

My theological belief is in the indifferent God. God exists and....? That's it, you are on your own. From my life experience i've come to view such things as prayer and hope for divine intervention as essentially a waste of time and energy. It's all the better to have a god that couldn't care less rather than one that has an active role in one's existence as since life is seemingly nothing but despair and defeat and one can go about without cursing God for inflicting endless misery and duress.

In the time i've been here working i've finalized an end plan after spending the last few years studying, calculating and plotting. Two possible paths. I've mentioned before that i have certain plans that were the primary reason i got and maintain my sobriety. If i am successful i will be reborn, able to live a life worth mentioning. If i fail, ending my life is the only acceptable course of action and so it has been decided on.

High risk, high odds, high reward. Do or die.

The upcoming year will be very crucial. All there is left for now is to keep preparing and waiting.
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