AA and the higher power
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I've talked with formerly homeless guys in AA.
Talked to one guy last night, he's only 23.
He's needed a lot of help (and very very little of it from me) to get 30 days sober.
My first sponsor was homeless 5 years. He needed a lot of help too.
Needing help seems to be the norm to recover from alcoholism and homelessness.
As Pete said "write a book ".... Carbonized must know something that countless formerly homeless alcoholic folk didn't.
I'd like to be able to pass on how to "get" what he has.
Talked to one guy last night, he's only 23.
He's needed a lot of help (and very very little of it from me) to get 30 days sober.
My first sponsor was homeless 5 years. He needed a lot of help too.
Needing help seems to be the norm to recover from alcoholism and homelessness.
As Pete said "write a book ".... Carbonized must know something that countless formerly homeless alcoholic folk didn't.
I'd like to be able to pass on how to "get" what he has.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
I've got to get some sleep know since i have to work in a few hours. I'll try to go into detail on exactly what you have to do to deal with being down and out and how to get up and going again.
Anyways, here is a post of mine from last year to give something to think about...
Old 09-10-2013, 04:56 PM #15 (permalink)
Carbonized
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 99
Here's how my day has gone so far.
Woke up more tired than i was when i went to sleep. Wish i could just lay there but have to get up and going before the police come. Got blankets stashed and off to a shelter to shower up. Lug a heavy bag about a mile to the shelter, go in and shower. Been feeling itchy and have a number of bug bites on me. Some feel familier under hot water so it's time for lice check. Check clothes and sure enough, shirt and pants are infested. Toss worn sweat pants away and wear only pair of jeans. Only have a single tshirt so check the seams to get rid of lice then remove eggs as best i could. Put shirt back on as i don't have anything left to wear at the moment. Kill time in shelter. Listen to the worst possible human garbage spout off the most stupidly ignorant subhuman drivel. Head out to the library. Here is where i am now.
I have some clothes in a storage unit but to get to them requires a 10 mile walk.
I bet you anything a six pack would make me feel a whole lot better.
Anyways, here is a post of mine from last year to give something to think about...
Old 09-10-2013, 04:56 PM #15 (permalink)
Carbonized
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 99
Here's how my day has gone so far.
Woke up more tired than i was when i went to sleep. Wish i could just lay there but have to get up and going before the police come. Got blankets stashed and off to a shelter to shower up. Lug a heavy bag about a mile to the shelter, go in and shower. Been feeling itchy and have a number of bug bites on me. Some feel familier under hot water so it's time for lice check. Check clothes and sure enough, shirt and pants are infested. Toss worn sweat pants away and wear only pair of jeans. Only have a single tshirt so check the seams to get rid of lice then remove eggs as best i could. Put shirt back on as i don't have anything left to wear at the moment. Kill time in shelter. Listen to the worst possible human garbage spout off the most stupidly ignorant subhuman drivel. Head out to the library. Here is where i am now.
I have some clothes in a storage unit but to get to them requires a 10 mile walk.
I bet you anything a six pack would make me feel a whole lot better.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by Carbonized 
I was on the streets so many times it's not funny. I've not totalled it up for some time but it was about 5 years the last time i thought about it. The last stretch was from roughly September 2012 to April 2014. The thing about being homeless is you have plenty of time to think, ponder, and plan. it's pretty much the same as if you were in prison, the difference being that convicts don't have to worry about three hots and a cot. Basically, i realized that life had passed me by and that was it. I have one last chance to make everything come out all right but there was no possible way to even begin to make a go of it while being a very active alcoholic. I had flirted with going cold turkey before so this time i studied every book in the local public library on alcoholism and withdrawal as well as various other forms of knowledge to sharpen the mental edge so as to be able to deal with what was to come.
Slowly i tapered down over the period of a month until i had one last beer the misery was on. How did i deal with it? Just like every other day, except i wasn't drinking. Where i was camped we had to get up and out early each day before the police came so laying in was not a prospect. Head to the local shelters to shower and clean whatever you can up if they were operational that morning then killing time till the library opens up and get a seat. Had a cheap old laptop from when i had a decent (but shortlived) job so get online and check things out quickly then begin prepping for the big moves that would come after sobriety comes about.
On the streets, everyone around me had one form of hustle or another. Prior to withdrawal i made little scores here and there doing temp work and helping guys who weren't computer savvy with online things such as filling out welfare applications, pensions, social security, etc as well as being the go to guy on skid row for finding out what was happening in job markets across the country for seasonal labor and such. After cutting out the drinking, temp work was impossible so i relied on the white collar hustle to keep afloat.
Just because i was a drunk didn't mean i was an idiot. BTW, i also knew a few guys that were long time homeless and had bonafide PHDs.
As time went on things cleared up physically. Mentally was a bit of a different thing. The crap life on the streets was seriously depressing but i felt rather upbeat about being sober and knowing that i would have a tax return to get mobile again was rather exciting. i put out various feelers and was within a week of heading up to the Dakotas to look for work when i was contacted by by a former supervisor who heard i was straight and ready to roll. Bought some thrift store clothes to replace what i had and jumped on a greyhound bus.
Been working crazy hours and thinking about the next moves almost non stop since i got here. Next year is going to be the moment. My tour here is up in a couple of weeks then it's back to the world and time to put into action what i spent years pondering,calculating, practicing and testing the waters.
Do or die.
Slowly i tapered down over the period of a month until i had one last beer the misery was on. How did i deal with it? Just like every other day, except i wasn't drinking. Where i was camped we had to get up and out early each day before the police came so laying in was not a prospect. Head to the local shelters to shower and clean whatever you can up if they were operational that morning then killing time till the library opens up and get a seat. Had a cheap old laptop from when i had a decent (but shortlived) job so get online and check things out quickly then begin prepping for the big moves that would come after sobriety comes about.
On the streets, everyone around me had one form of hustle or another. Prior to withdrawal i made little scores here and there doing temp work and helping guys who weren't computer savvy with online things such as filling out welfare applications, pensions, social security, etc as well as being the go to guy on skid row for finding out what was happening in job markets across the country for seasonal labor and such. After cutting out the drinking, temp work was impossible so i relied on the white collar hustle to keep afloat.
Just because i was a drunk didn't mean i was an idiot. BTW, i also knew a few guys that were long time homeless and had bonafide PHDs.
As time went on things cleared up physically. Mentally was a bit of a different thing. The crap life on the streets was seriously depressing but i felt rather upbeat about being sober and knowing that i would have a tax return to get mobile again was rather exciting. i put out various feelers and was within a week of heading up to the Dakotas to look for work when i was contacted by by a former supervisor who heard i was straight and ready to roll. Bought some thrift store clothes to replace what i had and jumped on a greyhound bus.
Been working crazy hours and thinking about the next moves almost non stop since i got here. Next year is going to be the moment. My tour here is up in a couple of weeks then it's back to the world and time to put into action what i spent years pondering,calculating, practicing and testing the waters.
Do or die.
when i look back at all the effort i had to put into my own recovery i can see how i could run off with the idea i did it on my own as it was me who had to go through the withdrawals etc
i was lucky as i had a flat given to me from a housing charity to live in, i had no money or any sort of rehab etc forget the idea of a pc as that would of been sold along with everything else i ever owned for my drink and its this part i find hard to believe in your own story as you say you had an old pc i am surpized you owned anything when your down and out with a drink problem like mine
if you was down and out without the drink problem then it all makes sense to me
my flat was covered in sick and stunk like a toilet that hasnt been cleaned out for a month or 2 just rotten and gross my matress was pee soaked but it was my home
i couldnt eat or sleep forget about brushing teeth or having a shave as my shakes couldnt hold a razor
took me 4 days to dry out to the point were i could stand up without falling over
that was the day i went to aa on that 4th day i could walk again and i really believed i was never going to ever have anything like a sober mind again
once i went into aa people there helped me with food and a bit of money they even came to my flat and helped me clean it up, they took me around the meetings and kept me company so i wouldnt be so alone
hence i owe those guys and girls in aa my soul for there help and kindness they shown to me
the meetings and other peoples shares gave me hope that maybe if i carry on without drinking it might start to get better for me
my kids were in social service care and my ex wife has gone off with another drunk
so it was just me on my own but letting aa help me
i know today without that help i would never of stayed sober on my own i had nothing left to live for
yet they carried me is how i feel is what happend to me of course i had to put in all the leg work and effort but inside me i needed some sort of encouragement or feeling that i am in with a chance
within 3 months i got my first job and money started to come in within a month after work i got my first car again
at 1 year sober the social workers had taken great notice of my change and worked with me to give me my kids back and i got my kids back with a new home for me and the kids in just 18 months of coming from the mess i was in
but i could not of done it without help and kindness from others and those guys in aa for me saved my life
but it doesn't end there its just the beginning of a new way to live life for me,
i help down and outs today and there always in my heart as i know just how hopeless it is when there down there
so i am happy to see someone has come up from the gutter even if i do find it so hard as you claim there was no help at all for you
i just dont think i could of made it on my own not with the mess my head was in back then and my thinking
i was just totally obsessed with drink and my poor me mess that i was in, i was so angry at the world and hated everyone and everything i needed a drink just to turn my head off but it never did
this is were the wisdom of aa memebers came in and started the process of me looking at me instead of looking out there pointing the finger at everyone else and everything else
i know one thing i honestly never ever want to go back down there again
if you did it on your own my friend i can only say well done and i tip my hat to you but how on earth you coped with the withdrawals out on the streets is amazing
i just can not picture it so much but i have to give you the benefit of the doubt here
just one question i do have is
why are you on this site ? if you have done it yourself and moved on why are you looking backwards at others in recovery ?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Carbonized
Been sober over a year now. Tapered, quit, and went through withdrawal while homeless, jobless and monyless with not one single bit of outside assistance other than this website and even then, i didn't post for months as i readjusted to a new condition.
Needless to say, you can imagine my opinion of anyone who relapses after being in comfortable rehabs or has doctors care or other such assistance or uses "higher power" type nonsense, and still can't stay off the booze. I'll bet anyone here to see which one of us can get bombed out falling down drunk and NOT fall off the wagon or feel any guilt about it. I deliberately got drunk after about my fifth or sixth month after quitting to test myself and passed with flying colors.
Dealt with it on my own, not with a crutch.
Needless to say, you can imagine my opinion of anyone who relapses after being in comfortable rehabs or has doctors care or other such assistance or uses "higher power" type nonsense, and still can't stay off the booze. I'll bet anyone here to see which one of us can get bombed out falling down drunk and NOT fall off the wagon or feel any guilt about it. I deliberately got drunk after about my fifth or sixth month after quitting to test myself and passed with flying colors.
Dealt with it on my own, not with a crutch.
You like to think you passed a test meanwhile all you did was tie one on after five or six months. No guilt? I can't tell you how many times I was drunk and didn't feel guilty. I sure as hell didn't say I was sober though.
Flying colors?
Wow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
So being sober for you includes getting a drunk on mid-way through your year, and you like to think you can get falling down drunk more than anyone else here (like me, for example) and you'll be fine and sober again while I'll be screwed cause I can't get back up?
You like to think you passed a test meanwhile all you did was tie one on after five or six months. No guilt? I can't tell you how many times I was drunk and didn't feel guilty. I sure as hell didn't say I was sober though.
Flying colors?
Wow.
You like to think you passed a test meanwhile all you did was tie one on after five or six months. No guilt? I can't tell you how many times I was drunk and didn't feel guilty. I sure as hell didn't say I was sober though.
Flying colors?
Wow.
Old 10-10-2014, 11:08 PM #4 (permalink)
Carbonized
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 101
Want to know something i did to test myself when i felt i was properly sober? I got a cheap motel room one day to clean up and rest properly and loaded up on a twelve pack of beer and a couple of 40s of malt liquor. I just needed to know what my reactions would be physically and mentally.
Got absolutely drunk while keeping notice on how i was feeling and thinking and kept at it until i went to sleep. Woke up the next morning and as i lay there feeling rather awful i said to myself "Why did i do this and i don't think i need to feel like this anymore". I knew there was a bottle of malt liquor right next to the bed but i didn't feel the need or desire to drink it. As i ran over many scenarios in my head i knew then that even if i physically was uncomfortable, the pure need to drink was not there anymore.
So i got up, opened the bottle and poured it down the drain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Oh come on Carbon, you couldn't have possibly made a rational decision to stop drinking without a higher power...
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
I have no problem owning when I'm wrong about whatever. I don't regularly follow your posts. It was clear to me in your recent post above which I made my last comment on the timeframe and context was current.
So no worries here. I'm not against you. It's not like I lost something in your telling me to get a clue, lol. This isn't a contest...
So no worries here. I'm not against you. It's not like I lost something in your telling me to get a clue, lol. This isn't a contest...
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by ru12
Oh come on Carbon, you couldn't have possibly made a rational decision to stop drinking without a higher power...
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by ru12
Oh come on Carbon, you couldn't have possibly made a rational decision to stop drinking without a higher power...
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
Isn't it wonderful to be securely sober and to know that you NEVER have to drink again?
however my home life was crap, my daily living was very poor, so much so that i even thought i might need some magic pills to help me cope with my life etc
thankfully i dont need any sort of pills to help me cope with lifes up and downs but i do need help from aa though and it works for me
i wonder how well the pill hunting is going for our friend ?
i read a few of his posts and it would seem he had some sort of tax payment and had a phone and a computer along with his claims of being penniless etc
hardly the sort of thing i would think of when think of the homeless down and out who has nothng but the cothes on there back and a thrist for alcohol that i guess you wouldn't ever understand
we are not talking about having a few to many glasses of wine a night here it progresses to horrible situations in life
lucky enough it doesnt happen to all as some can just quit with ease, i only wish i could of but i couldnt
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
To be clear, I'm absolutely in the corner of any chosen way to quitting drinking that satisfies. I've nothing to gain by knocking anybody's efforts.
To me, it's clear several members in this thread enjoy knocking against the efforts of those who choose to have a higher power, and that is their own shame in doing so.
How easy is it to be trashing down someone else on a keyboard? Not so easy f2f...
To me, it's clear several members in this thread enjoy knocking against the efforts of those who choose to have a higher power, and that is their own shame in doing so.
How easy is it to be trashing down someone else on a keyboard? Not so easy f2f...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
To me, it's clear several members in this thread enjoy knocking against the efforts of those who choose to have a higher power, and that is their own shame in doing so.
I agree that some of the posts in this thread have a very condescending tone. To compare a HP to a crutch is sort of rude, to say the least.
We can all agree to disagree without stepping on the toes of others to get there.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
to be honest there was a post on here that simply said congratulations to the posters claims
thats all i should of done really looking back and its how aa helps me and shows me at times the right way to deal with things
a simple congratulations would work wonders rather than a tit for tat
thank you to that poster for a bit of wisdom passed on lol
i took offense a bit with the nonsense statement that was made, fancy coming onto a recovery site and telling everyone its all nonsense as he didn't need any help
that claim to me is nonsense but i have to just let people be with there own ways as who knows maybe this chap is right and i am wrong and it is all nonsense
either way given my own experience of it all i think i will just have to stick with something that is working for me and has worked for me for many years
i guess at a year sober i to thought i knew it all but of course i still had life to live daily and that to me is were the real help is needed weather you belive in hp or a god or where ever the help comes from
the hardest part for me was to let anyone help me at all as i could do it my way always
so if its nonsense to let and accept help well it just beggers belief however i should shut up now and learn by saying to anyone who thinks its all a load of nonsense
congratulations
thats all i should of done really looking back and its how aa helps me and shows me at times the right way to deal with things
a simple congratulations would work wonders rather than a tit for tat
thank you to that poster for a bit of wisdom passed on lol
i took offense a bit with the nonsense statement that was made, fancy coming onto a recovery site and telling everyone its all nonsense as he didn't need any help
that claim to me is nonsense but i have to just let people be with there own ways as who knows maybe this chap is right and i am wrong and it is all nonsense
either way given my own experience of it all i think i will just have to stick with something that is working for me and has worked for me for many years
i guess at a year sober i to thought i knew it all but of course i still had life to live daily and that to me is were the real help is needed weather you belive in hp or a god or where ever the help comes from
the hardest part for me was to let anyone help me at all as i could do it my way always
so if its nonsense to let and accept help well it just beggers belief however i should shut up now and learn by saying to anyone who thinks its all a load of nonsense
congratulations
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