RobbyRobot

zjw,

Often enough without any particular fault, the way we talk and share our experiences amongst others can create misunderstandings in a online text environment such as SR. This is an interesting thread. I'm seeing how you give from your experiences both positive and negative opinions on what already happened, is happening, and has probability of happening in your life with your family, your income, your financials, your responsibilities and so on. When a poster gives both pro and con sides of their experiences with their present challenges, an invitation of sorts stands inviting others to comment with opinions which to you may seem a kind of one-sided appraisal of what you just shared. This can discourage you if you take it to heart against your feelings when others have suggestions which you have already examined otherwise.

From your shares, I'm thinking you have too much invested in your ideals of responsibility towards outcomes for you and your family. I mean, you take it on yourself personally if the resultant outcomes of your daily efforts are found wanting, lacking, disadvantaged, unimproved, circular, unchanged, and so on and whatever. By too much, I mean you already in your own psyche punish yourself as you run through internally the many probabilities of failure, and in this way you're already beat up before you even begin to put into practice your best efforts. While jogging, you likely have a physical distraction to your ongoing ideations, and this would bring you real relief and create empowerment of believing your already on the right track, don't rock the boat, just learn to live with it all. Unfortunately, such relief is temporary at best.

Your happiness is clear enough to me as a family man, a husband. Thereafter, not so much. You're a programmer, and so logic is a tool for you in getting wanted results. Using flowchart thinking as in either/or if this then that may not be enough to satisfy yourself personally though in your own life since then you'd be at work as it were 24/7. That blows, yeah?

I think if you finally can decide how to not jump through rings of fire as you put it and yet still have improved results, you'll also then discover a lasting satisfaction with yourself. You'll have confidence in being acceptable in your own eyes, as well as you much more realizing your appreciated by others in their eyes.

I suggest ambivalence has been well played out, and its now time to believe in yourself in ways which create more belief more empowerment more choices better results.

zjw

RobbyRobot Thanks for your response it makes sense. A lot latley however I start to tell myself All i can do is try to do my best if its not good enough its not good enough what can i do. If i panic freak out jump through rings of fire and and run around like a crazy person in the end my effort will still only be so good. So a lot of times I tell myself just do what you can if it doesnt work out it doesnt work out. You dont always win the race etc... Its ok to not get first place all the time that sorta thing.

Granted the stakes are high in my case at least high from my view. But I could not be having these issues and tommorrow get laid off becuase they are downsizeing and be facing foreclosure etc.. too. Basicly I'm worried to death about stuff that hasnt even happened. I should stop worring about it even tho I feel as if my actions may lead me to a bad place cause its not always good enough. I need to go with the flow better with this stuff I think but its a difficult battle for me.

RobbyRobot

Our best is ALWAYS good enough, ok? I know sometimes its difficult to embrace and believe our best is ALWAYS good enough. People can say to themselves their best can't cut it, won't cut it, didn't cut it. Nonetheless, we do ourselves a grim disservice when we limit ourselves from the self-evaluations of our having unwanted results with our challenges. It is better to accept defeat as a winner than as a loser, yeah? Doing our best doesn't guarantee every success in every challenge. Doing our best does though guarantee a loving appreciation of ourselves even in defeat, okay? This appreciation sets the stage for yet another opportunity for a better outcome. We learn as we mature our skills on our experiences.

Difficult is okay. I do difficult everyday. We all do. Difficult is a worthy undertaking. No worries with difficult.