EndGameNYC

You ask a very good question, Stoogy. I don't know how long you've been sober, and I don't wish to foment a debate.

A "solid recovery plan," for me, involves changing my lifestyle from an active alcoholic to a caring, responsive person who lives a meaningful life. If it sounds as though I'm setting the bar high, it's because I am. I've learned in my sobriety that the sky's the limit, given the obstacles and restraints that reality enforces.

The program of recovery that worked for me is AA, and the quality of positive and beneficial changes I've realized in sobriety cannot be measured. I have great relationships with my friends and family, I started working in my field again after burning and then burying many professional bridges, rehabilitated my financial ruin, and dramatically improved my health. I've shed all symptoms of anxiety and depression, and I sleep soundly at night. It's been said that a clear conscience makes for the softest pillow.

Other people here have used different methods to achieve sobriety, and I do believe that whatever works for you is, by default, the best way.

You only need to look at the thousands of comments here from people who relapse chronically and regularly to learn that going this alone is a task we take on at our own peril, and that the majority of people here achieved sobriety -- and perhaps more importantly, a much better life -- with outside help.

If you're staying sober on your own and living a life with which you're happy, then you are among the minority. I don't at all doubt that such a thing is possible, but I would have little opportunity to meet such people who've done it in just that way.

As countless people on SR have commented, putting down the drink is only the beginning. All this may be nothing more than a matter of preference, and my preference is to put as much into living a good life as is humanly possible.

You may also benefit from checking out this thread, one of many that engages this issue:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...d-my-eyes.html

Michael66

Hey there needtostopthis.

My personal experience was that time spent on recovery yielded much more additional spare time that previously I just drank away. Some intensive AA time (if that's your preferred option) may seem a high price to pay at the moment, but I'd wager that in time you'd soon see it as an investment that yielded great returns.

dsmaxis10

Im a binger too. Five days sober and the booze was calling me today didn't drink though went to AA meeting and still wanted to drink after. Yup Jay the relapser old timer says your always in and out why don't ya just stay. Well id like to have the obsession to drink removed how I don't know gonna give aa an honest try when I don't know hopefully soon.

needtostopthis

Thank you all. I am going to visit the chat here soon. Especially when I feel the urge! I find it hard to quit because my husband binges with me. When I bring up drinking he is always all for it, because he is a alcoholic too. Sigh....

Dee74

I think in cases like that, it's even more important to have a sober network of support.

It doesn't have to be AA but it needs to be something you can call on to help you stay strong when temptation calls.

Yes, it takes effort, and time, to be recovered...but it takes effort and time to drink too.

EndGameNYC's post about what a good plan should look like is well worth reading I think.

D

needtostopthis

I made it until yesterday. I am not beating myself up too much because I have beat myself up a million times before I know what I need to do. Just getting back on the wagon. Try AA once and for all.The good thing is my husband is on board with me 100 percent now. He was even on board for myself going to AA. In the past he kind of thought I was nuts for mentioning AA. I don't think he saw me having a big a problem as I really had. Anyway We talked about our problem a lot this morning and now all we can do is move forward.

SillyString

Needtostopthis -
I did what you are doing now for a LONG time. For 4 straight years, in fact, since my last serious attempt at sobriety. I was a binge drinker also. I never touched alcohol during the week (rarely on a biz trip, maybe), or had any desire for it during the week. But look out on the weekend! I was in this constant turmoil about alcohol - knowing it was helping me screw up my life, ruminating about it endlessly, yet still having that weekly pressure build up, and living with the anticipation of having "fun" on the weekend, and letting my hair down. Drinking away the worry about the drinking (um - crazy?) - blacking out every weekend day, then having horrific anxiety and hangovers lasting half the week. Lather, rinse, repeat.

At that stage, I can say now, looking back, that more than anything, I really wanted to figure out a way to keep drinking, without the negative consequences. Yet, I knew that the only way to avoid the negative consequences, and regain control would be to quit drinking completely. So, knowing this, and not being really, truly ready to give it up kept me in this cycle for a long time...because I knew the answer, yet I didn't want to accept the answer, so I kept doing mental gymnastics to figure out another way. There isn't one for me, I don't think. Maybe for others, but not for me.

And, Stoogy - for the record - I do the same as you, I don't have a formal program, but put a lot of thought into not drinking, and I try to be conscious of my brain trying to play tricks on me to lure me back - but that's really my "program". For what it's worth, my opinion of a "solid program" is being conscious of the cravings, mind games, etc., and being honest with yourself about what is happening in your head.

TheRuiner

I wish you well and good luck in being sober. Write here about how you feel, it really helps.

SillyString

NTST -
I think it's great that you're posting here honestly about this. I really understand where you're coming from - and when I was doing this over and over every week, I almost felt insane - because I swear that I was not lying when I would lament my problem, and swear that I knew I needed to stop, and wanted to stop...yet days later, I would somehow, "make it ok" in my head to go right on ahead with what I was doing. I felt like I was leading a double life, if only in my mind. Because when I was drinking, I was DRINKING, and when I was saying I wanted to stop, and this was it, I really truly meant it.

Also - my husband's denial of my problem also conveniently helped me to continue this pattern. I do not BLAME him in any way. Please, I don't want anyone to misunderstand...I was to blame. BUT - as long as he enabled me, I took advantage of that. He no longer enables me, and I feel that has gone a long way to keeping me stopped. You can't quit for someone else, and I still struggle with cravings - but the bottom line so far is that I want to be sober (with all its positive consequences - waking up with no hangover, ever....being able to drive any time...not driving myself half insane with wondering what I said or did), than I want to continue drinking (with all its negative consequences - horrific, 1/2 week long hangovers, inevitable black outs, embarrassing words/deeds, soul crushing anxiety, self-loathing for failing yet again, questioning my very values, etc.). It's not always easy - but life is so much better sober.

needtostopthis

Silly, your words are exactly how I feel right now and how I have felt for years. In all honesty if I could still drink and I knew it wouldn't affect me I think I would, but I know it does affect me. I have told myself so many times nah, it is not that bad, just have fun etc etc. Only to wake up the next day and want to smack myself for having been so stupid. When I am hungover or even the next day it is all fresh in my mind and I really feel like I want to stop and it seems almost easy then. I will keep racking up days and thinking hey, this is not so hard and then bam one day my A/V kicks in and I go screw it, time to live a little. So so stupid. I have done a lot of stupid things when drinking, things I regret so much and I truly wish to be free from this, I don't want to mess up anymore of my life. I already feel like maybe 5 years have been really wasted. It is like a fog. I can almost bet half of my anxiety is from drinking just like your was. All week I am anxiety ridden, Right now I cant sleep for instance. I wonder if the drinking this Saturday has something to do with that. Well anyway thank you. Day 2 of sobriety.... bring on more days!