MaxxPower

Apologize, some advise please. Help me with some evil thoughts brewing today.

The dark side of me is saying that living ''one day at a time'' is pointless. It's not truly living for me, just surviving. It's feels like i'll be living this ''one day at a time'' for the rest of my life. Then die of old age at 80 years old or something. But ill be healthy right!?..sorry.

I've always been the ''full tilt, balls to the wall'', type of personality. Its all or nothing. Sometimes it feels like with my personality type, my life expectancy isn't very long here. ''Living the fast life'' is another way to put it.

When I read on here that people are still struggling with drinking 10-20 years of sobriety under their belt, it makes me feel screwed. Then i'll be right back to the '' just take it one day at a time thing'' right? I don't know if I can live like that! its just not me.

Anyone relate? help..

PurpleKnight

Sober living is not easy, it takes a lot of effort, but I know if I kept drinking I wouldn't have even seen my 50's!! . . . so when it comes down to it, how do you want your life to be like?!

jdooner

I am curious how you live? Do you live in the future? Do you live in the past? The only moment I have is the present. If I only have is this moment what does anything else matter?

I used to relate when I was active and when I was in my teens and early twenties. I find the balls to the wall a very immature way of life to be honest.

Tetra

Well, I don't know. Was drinking really living? Lying, sneaking around...was that living? The merry-go-round of drinking, feeling like ****, throwing up, guilt and shame...I could go on...and on and on.

My life is far from perfect now, but I am closer then I was a few months ago. These past few weeks I have this new feeling of peace and contentment. No more hiding. It is really weird, but good weird...

JustODAAT

I'm not sure what you mean by "balls to the wall."

I know that my life is better sober. I don't feel like it's somehow a lesser life. It's certainly better than when I lived my life drunk half the time. Those were the only two choices for me, and the sober choice is much better.

silentrun

I don't think it is usual to struggle with that kind of distance. Are you sure your AV isn't just trying to use another tactic to get you to drink? It has had to switch up on me several times after previous attempts to get me to drink had failed. You are past 6 months right?

wolfpackfan45

Actually living one day at a time is how everyone should live, alcoholic or not. All we're promised is today really. And hopefully you'd want to be sober and aware if it is your last day. We all need to live in the present, addict or not. I used to live in the past by dredging up old hurts and mistakes and in the present by worrying incessantly about what MIGHT happen. I can tell you it's no way to live. I missed years of my life like that. Enjoy each and every minute of today sober and aware because you never know if you have a tomorrow.

BarrelRoll

I find it a shame that drinking alcoholically already robs people of their courage and self-esteem. When we get sober, we should feel empowered and fantastic about our new journey. Instead it seems there is a focus about how we are powerless and in the back of our minds, statistically we realize that most will relapse.

I think the thoughts of feeling deprived and excluded is a major problem. The solution is to really, truly not want the drink. Examine what you consider the pros of drinking and really challenge them. You can realize that your personal positives are in reality completely embellished. When successful, each drink-free day will be a pleasure instead of a challenge.

courage2

You might surprise yourself and find your full-tilt personality really likes to take a ride on the wave of the pure present now and then.

FeenixxRising

I don't think "struggling" is the right word. Some people with long-term sobriety may have thoughts of drinking, but that's a lot different than struggling. IMO, the majority of people with long-term sobriety are very happy, and do not struggle with their sobriety.

As for one day at a time, that's a personal choice. But it helps me stay focused on today. I don't spend time thinking about what I'll do drinking-wise a week, a month or a year from now. I just work on staying sober today. And it works for me. As for the rest of life, I do a lot of long-term planning and goal setting, so I'm obviously not living one day at a time when it comes to those issues. Still, I try to keep my mind from worrying about tomorrow, or feeling guilty about yesterday.

MaxxPower

Where all different jdooner. I already know i'm very far from being were I should be. I'm putting everything I got into being sober.

Sad to read this..I always enjoy reading your posts. Kinda threw me off with this one..

Nonsensical

I'm hiking the Grand Canyon on my 50th birthday later this year. That strikes me as significantly more balls to the wall than waking up under the coffee table like I did last year.

PurpleKnight

This is what it's all about, so much more potential in life being Sober!!

LBrain

Well MaddMaxx. BTTW living eh? The question is do you have a problem with alcohol? Are you an alcoholic? If the answer is yes, then you have to live one day at a time. You only drank one day at a time didn't you?
You are not getting the point. A clear misunderstanding of what 'one day at a time' actually means. To simplify it: If you are struggling with acraving or had an urge to drink, just work on not drinking for this day. This 24 hours you don't have to drink. That's it. Pure and simple. Just don't drink today. Guess what? When you wake up tomorrow do you know what day it is? That's right, IT'S TODAY AGAIN. So all you have to do is not drink again today. etc.
You can still live bttw without drinking I hope. When I go rafting through the rapids I don't drink. When I'm out on my kayak I don't drink. When I went hiking into the Grand Canyon last year I didn't drink. I was doing a lot bttw type stuff. You can live life and enjoy it as much as you want. Just don't drink. If you struggle at first it gets easier.
How about this idea. If everything you do is BTTW, how about chasing your sobriety BTTW? If you put that much energy into it you won't be struggling to not drink the rest of your life. It really is that simple.
I can't wake to take the kayak out on the ocean this year. I just hope I don't hook into a shark, I'm not quite ready for that kind of BTTW adventure yet. Think the habs would have won the gold if giroux was on the squad?
Go FLYERS!
Be cool and calm down. Think about it. It is not then end of the world. For me it's a new beginning.

EndGameNYC

Do you understand that you've skewed your question and pre-loaded your answer in order to fit what it is you seem be looking for? Or claiming?

In all my time on SR, I don't recall a single person with "10-20 years of sobriety under their belt" report that they're "struggling with drinking." So it makes me wonder why you'd invoke such an extreme exaggeration if the point you seem to be making is strong enough to stand on its own.

It seems that you're suggesting that living "one day at a time" is a daily, never-ending fight against alcohol, the obsession to drink, and all the adverse side effects that come with early sobriety.

It's entirely possible that your temperament may inhibit you from "sitting still" long enough to reap the many rewards that sobriety brings, but do you honestly want to take that chance?

For me, achieving sobriety was a lot quieter than going ''full tilt, balls to the wall," but there's no reason why you can't transfer that energy towards getting sober.

You're in a slump, something we've all been through, but now is not the time to despair. You'll have plenty of dread to occupy yourself with should you choose to return to that dark place.

courage2

Now boys, let's not get into more macho posturing than we need to, ok?

Although it's true that ladies dig a guy who can enjoy the present moment.

Snarkbunny was going to chime in earlier, but she held her tongue, but you all drew her out. Now I'm shutting her up again, per my vow.

jdooner

Sorry I threw you off - I guess I was trying to make a point. I used to live in the past with regret. I would live in the future (bonus to bonus) thinking of the next thing to buy. I lived anywhere but in the present. I was active.

I used to think I was invincible. I would push the limits in my hobbies, skiing, skydiving, racing formula cars - what I found was when I was in the moment was when I was in my hobbies and sports. This is because I was getting an adrenaline rush - a drug.

When I would use cocaine and booze I was in the moment. In fact, nothing else mattered. When I was sober I needed to live in the past or future bc I could not stand myself and being with my thoughts.

I struggled in early sobriety. I had no idea I was not my thoughts and had no idea how to deal with the thoughts that would come into my head. I read The Power of Now, Tolle. I read Awareness, De Mello and I began to deconstruct my "I" I realized I was not many of things I would self identify with. This allowed me to live in the moment. I am not perfect and sometimes I get out of my center. But when I am in the moment sober, I am at peace.

I am sorry that I upset you, sincerely. But I wanted to illustrate a point and I did not know how much you were struggling. I too have struggled at times with the one day at a time vs the forever with respect to sobriety. I have come to terms with the fact I cannot ever drink again because I am an alcoholic and an addict. However, I practice living in the moment.

Do you meditate? Meditation has been the most subtle but most significant change I have made to my life to assist in recovery.

MaxxPower

Thinking that it could be another tactic from my AV too.

Yes i'm over 6 months.

Eddiebuckle

If the only thing that distinguishes your sobriety from your previous life is not drinking, I would imagine it could be quite a struggle. There is certainly a period in early recovery where the best that you can manage is to not pick up, but once that passes you need to move forward in your life. Only you can decide what you will put in the 24 hours you are given, but if you choose well and consistently the days become weeks, weeks become years, and your life becomes the outcome of your choices (as it always was). So what exactly is it that you want? Then work to it... in 24 hour increments.

LBrain

I just posted and saw this. Must have hit send around the same time. I heard on the news someone had fallen this week and didn't make it.
This past summer I hiked into the canyon from both sides. Took angel bright all the way down to the plateau and back in about 8 hours. 120 deg F down there. Brutal. Took north rim down and back - much cooler plus it rained on us. Through hike is on the horizon. Did a half dozen hikes in Zion as well - all the tough ones. Talk about BTTW. if you slip or fall off the side of one of the spines you have about 20 seconds to repent before it's all over. Kayaked on the Colorado etc. You're going to love it!