''One day at a time'' is that really living?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: US
Posts: 637
Wow, there are so many articulate and meaningful posts on this thread. Itchy and Dee hit homeruns. For me, alcohol had become a huge ball and chain that I had to drag through life. There were always plans for adrenaline fueled pursuits but those rarely happened because I was usually drunk or hungover. Things are so much better now and when I'm moving slow on Monday morning it's only because I'm sore or tired from a weekend adventure.
I find living in the moment very rewarding with sobriety. I'm more self-confident and no longer worry about when I will finally stop drinking. That weighed on me more than I ever realized until it was gone.
I find living in the moment very rewarding with sobriety. I'm more self-confident and no longer worry about when I will finally stop drinking. That weighed on me more than I ever realized until it was gone.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by MaxxPower 
The dark side of me is saying that living ''one day at a time'' is pointless. It's not truly living for me, just surviving. It's feels like i'll be living this ''one day at a time'' for the rest of my life. Then die of old age at 80 years old or something. But ill be healthy right!?..sorry..
I don't necessarily use it for everything, however, when I first quit drinking I did use it on almost everything. It was really the only way for me to cope. Now that I am getting some balance back in my life I find I don't need to use it for everything. But I will always use it to remind myself that I don't have to drink today.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
There are some really amazing posts here. Thank you so much MaxxPower for the thought provoking question! I hope you find some meaning in the responses.
I for one have translated "one day at a time" to "being in the moment". I spent countless hours hateful and resentful of the past and angry at the future while I was drunk. Being in the moment is something that sobriety has brought me that I'm truly grateful of. Still working on it though!
I for one have translated "one day at a time" to "being in the moment". I spent countless hours hateful and resentful of the past and angry at the future while I was drunk. Being in the moment is something that sobriety has brought me that I'm truly grateful of. Still working on it though!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I know you have over six months sobriety, but I can tell you that more will be revealed. Silly things like live one day at a time don't make sense, but they will begin to make sense over time.
It's a tremendous lifestyle change. I appreciated your balls to the wall comment. I totally understood what you meant.
But at some point, it just wasn't a full tilt party that I was living anymore, it was addiction, and I was dying a little everyday.
Nowadays I really live in the moment as much as I can. And I love it there. It is a peaceful, free happy place.
It's a tremendous lifestyle change. I appreciated your balls to the wall comment. I totally understood what you meant.
But at some point, it just wasn't a full tilt party that I was living anymore, it was addiction, and I was dying a little everyday.
Nowadays I really live in the moment as much as I can. And I love it there. It is a peaceful, free happy place.
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Not sure exactly what is being said here. I don't wake up in the mrg tellin myself "gotta stay sober today or what if the urge arises or that person pissed me off n don't know if can make it another day" or whatever you want to fill in the blank. There's a BIG diffrence btwn abstinence & recovery. I'm in the latter coz aa teaches me how to live & that's fun! Got my down moments but I'd rather be where I'm @ than would have been in "spotlight" w/ everyone but be depressed when all is said & done
Change your perspective is all I can say
Change your perspective is all I can say
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 300
I don't even know what to say! I'm in awe right now with these responses.I'd like to give you all a handshake if I could 
A HUGE weight feels like its been lifted from my shoulders. I'm experiencing great sense of relief right now. Living for the moment possibly? Been reading these responses over and over - easily an hour+. You cant put a price on this kinda thing..although it feels like I owe you all some money now or something! haha.. Donation box?
THANK YOU ALL! sincerely,
Oh and Dee, ''longer term sobriety is not a gamble!'' beauty..this is gold. Really needed to hear that.
Going to have a peaceful sleep tonight. I deserve it with my sobriety dammit!
A HUGE weight feels like its been lifted from my shoulders. I'm experiencing great sense of relief right now. Living for the moment possibly? Been reading these responses over and over - easily an hour+. You cant put a price on this kinda thing..although it feels like I owe you all some money now or something! haha.. Donation box?THANK YOU ALL! sincerely,
Oh and Dee, ''longer term sobriety is not a gamble!'' beauty..this is gold. Really needed to hear that.
Going to have a peaceful sleep tonight. I deserve it with my sobriety dammit!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Just pay it forward man...its how it works. Do the right thing and put positive energy into the Universe and good things can happen. Imagine if everyone did this? Wow, we would have Aldous Huxley's Brave New World:-)
I love your response - thanks!
I love your response - thanks!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by MaxxPower
When I read on here that people are still struggling with drinking 10-20 years of sobriety under their belt, it makes me feel screwed.
making plans for tomorrow and beyond is ok, but I gotta be careful planning the outcome.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
For me, "One day at a time" helped me a lot in the beginning but after I got past the early cravings my mental attitude began to shift. I remember even telling my counselor who I no longer even go to that I didn't want to think about it every day. That even going to him felt like I was giving attention to my drinking habit. I had a desire to get to a point in my life where drinking no longer mattered, it was no longer part of my life and that I was ok with it.
After 14 months sober I can't remember the last time I felt like "One day at a time". Sure I understand all the reasons why people will still use this term even after many years sober. For me though, it was more about getting to a place in my life where alcohol didn't exist. I finally made it to that point and just plan to keep living life sober without the need to keep paying for my past regressions. Life is so much better without the need to feed an addiction.
After 14 months sober I can't remember the last time I felt like "One day at a time". Sure I understand all the reasons why people will still use this term even after many years sober. For me though, it was more about getting to a place in my life where alcohol didn't exist. I finally made it to that point and just plan to keep living life sober without the need to keep paying for my past regressions. Life is so much better without the need to feed an addiction.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by MaxxPower
Apologize, some advise please. Help me with some evil thoughts brewing today.
The dark side of me is saying that living ''one day at a time'' is pointless. It's not truly living for me, just surviving. It's feels like i'll be living this ''one day at a time'' for the rest of my life. Then die of old age at 80 years old or something. But ill be healthy right!?..sorry.
I've always been the ''full tilt, balls to the wall'', type of personality. Its all or nothing. Sometimes it feels like with my personality type, my life expectancy isn't very long here. ''Living the fast life'' is another way to put it.
When I read on here that people are still struggling with drinking 10-20 years of sobriety under their belt, it makes me feel screwed. Then i'll be right back to the '' just take it one day at a time thing'' right? I don't know if I can live like that! its just not me.
Anyone relate? help..
The dark side of me is saying that living ''one day at a time'' is pointless. It's not truly living for me, just surviving. It's feels like i'll be living this ''one day at a time'' for the rest of my life. Then die of old age at 80 years old or something. But ill be healthy right!?..sorry.
I've always been the ''full tilt, balls to the wall'', type of personality. Its all or nothing. Sometimes it feels like with my personality type, my life expectancy isn't very long here. ''Living the fast life'' is another way to put it.
When I read on here that people are still struggling with drinking 10-20 years of sobriety under their belt, it makes me feel screwed. Then i'll be right back to the '' just take it one day at a time thing'' right? I don't know if I can live like that! its just not me.
Anyone relate? help..
You are correct some people do struggle many years after quitting but some also never look back, I base my theory on whether or not you have an addictive personality. Life is short and it all comes down to what you want out if it and ultimately what makes us happy, personally I was not living while I had a bottle in my hand all day. And if you look at yourself honestly I think you will answer your own question. Hope that makes some sense.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I can only really echo things already stated.
I'll start with saying that I don't know anyone here, or in the countless recovered alcoholics I know, that still struggle with drinking after 10-20 years sobriety. I think you may be confusing the idea of living one day at a time, with struggling to not drink. They're 2 completely different things. You may have heard people saying, "I don't drink one day at a time," which I guess could cause that confusion, but it goes beyond that. People in this thread have already defined what is usually, or should I say is really meant by the phrase.
Take a look at some of the people (with drinking problems) who live "balls to wall" and continue drinking for 10 to 20 years and tell us how that looks.
Not drinking for people with serious alcohol problems is only a struggle for people who believe that putting down the drink is all that needs to be done. It doesn't generally work that way. We have to change the person who drank, into a person who is comfortable and happy, not drinking. There are lots of ways to do that. AA and the 12 steps worked excellently for me. I'm happily sober 29 years, with no regrets, and no struggle to stay away from booze. I have lots of excitement in my life, I'm constantly experience new things, and I'm in better shape than I've ever been. AA is always the first thing I recommend because of how it's worked for me, and because it's the most accessible. Other people use other methods. I suggest finding a path that you think might work for you, and start putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
PS. Worrying about still struggling with sobriety 10 years down the line is a perfect example of NOT living one day at time
. It's much easier to be happy living in the only thing that's real. Today. We may not even be here 10 years down the line. Or tomorrow, for that matter.
I'll start with saying that I don't know anyone here, or in the countless recovered alcoholics I know, that still struggle with drinking after 10-20 years sobriety. I think you may be confusing the idea of living one day at a time, with struggling to not drink. They're 2 completely different things. You may have heard people saying, "I don't drink one day at a time," which I guess could cause that confusion, but it goes beyond that. People in this thread have already defined what is usually, or should I say is really meant by the phrase.
Take a look at some of the people (with drinking problems) who live "balls to wall" and continue drinking for 10 to 20 years and tell us how that looks.
Not drinking for people with serious alcohol problems is only a struggle for people who believe that putting down the drink is all that needs to be done. It doesn't generally work that way. We have to change the person who drank, into a person who is comfortable and happy, not drinking. There are lots of ways to do that. AA and the 12 steps worked excellently for me. I'm happily sober 29 years, with no regrets, and no struggle to stay away from booze. I have lots of excitement in my life, I'm constantly experience new things, and I'm in better shape than I've ever been. AA is always the first thing I recommend because of how it's worked for me, and because it's the most accessible. Other people use other methods. I suggest finding a path that you think might work for you, and start putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
PS. Worrying about still struggling with sobriety 10 years down the line is a perfect example of NOT living one day at time
. It's much easier to be happy living in the only thing that's real. Today. We may not even be here 10 years down the line. Or tomorrow, for that matter.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
THE STATION
By Robert J. Hastings
TUCKED AWAY in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves
on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We're traveling by train and, from the
windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at
crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row
upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and
village halls.
But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination--for at a certain hour and on a
given day, our train will finally pull into the station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands
playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we
pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
"Yes, when we reach the station, that will be it!" we promise ourselves. "When we're
eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL
Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!"
From that day on we will all live happily ever after.
Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no station in this life, no one earthly
place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The station is an illusion--it
constantly outdistances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday belongs to a
history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday's a fading sunset, tomorrow's a faint sunrise. Only
today is there light enough to love and live.
So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn't the burdens of today
that drive men mad, but rather regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and
fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.
"Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, "This is
the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more
mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener.
Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we
go along. The station will come soon enough.
By Robert J. Hastings
TUCKED AWAY in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves
on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We're traveling by train and, from the
windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at
crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row
upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and
village halls.
But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination--for at a certain hour and on a
given day, our train will finally pull into the station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands
playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we
pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
"Yes, when we reach the station, that will be it!" we promise ourselves. "When we're
eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL
Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!"
From that day on we will all live happily ever after.
Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no station in this life, no one earthly
place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The station is an illusion--it
constantly outdistances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday belongs to a
history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday's a fading sunset, tomorrow's a faint sunrise. Only
today is there light enough to love and live.
So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn't the burdens of today
that drive men mad, but rather regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and
fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.
"Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, "This is
the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more
mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener.
Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we
go along. The station will come soon enough.
That's great ! and SO TRUE
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Haven't read the entire thread, sorry, but I think you need to change your way of thinking. I go to aa and work the steps but I also do dialectical group therapy and also individual therapy.
For me the steps are not enough. I need cognitive thinking therapy. Black and white thinking is not healthy. There is more than one truth.
I'm learning how to love positively and to have boundaries and self esteem. It's a total inside job for me.
For me the steps are not enough. I need cognitive thinking therapy. Black and white thinking is not healthy. There is more than one truth.
I'm learning how to love positively and to have boundaries and self esteem. It's a total inside job for me.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I knew I was an, if not addictive, a self indulgent personality. I was definitely chemically very dependent on my ethanol fix from waking to sleeping at the end. But I was never unhappy, or drinking to beyond a buzz, and when I felt a bit too tipsy backed off, and switched from beers to scotch and a lot of water with a twist. But regardless of what path we took, or how different it may seem to another's, the unifying reality we all share is we find ourselves at a nexus. It is neither a lessening or worsening, and if we are still comparing ourselves to others to feel superior, or inferior (same thing really) we are not there yet. All of us knew it when we finally arrived at the nexus of life for each. We dropped the pretense, and after we got over the shock that we were headed for death, slowly, we were in that place of fear and courage, resistance and opening, weighing and deciding. We dropped the balls we had been juggling for so long, at once feeling the relief and at the same time the nervousness of suddenly not knowing what to do with our hands, we had been juggling all the denials and cover stories for so long they had become our security from ourselves. We were so busy convincing ourselves and others that we were enjoying the slow slide that when we found the nexus and looked we were horrified. Not by our acts of fear. But by our inactivity and apathy.
We were unhappy being what we had tried so hard to accept as happy. We believed we were the life force behind our lives until we stopped at the nexus.
It isn't an interchange of many paths coming in, we all arrive by the same path, some slower than others, some in worse or better shape relatively. And then we all see that there are only two paths that branch off from where we came to it.
The left fork is pain and death that only requires apathy to access and it looks so much easier as it's all downhill from the nexus as far as can be seen.
The other fork is pain and life that only requires self respect to access and looks harder as it goes up hill and then we can't see what's on the other side.
Some stand at the nexus neither moving forward nor choosing, then they lose coursge and go left for long enough to get scared again, and using all their strength, struggle back to the nexus, only to be daunted by the short uphill climb of the right fork.
They find they must go right or be forced down the other side by gravity that makes climbing back harder, and longer, each time. All that to avoid a commitment to make one short effort to climb up to the path that immediately becomes straight and narrow. Some people never stop long enough to think, and spend years falling further each time and find that they have used all their energy. Others fall down that hill once, and recognizing its slope, become more afraid of the fall than the short climb right.
I am afraid we can only cheer from the next rest area just over the hill where they can hear us, but not see us, hollering back to come on! It can be done.
Then we get some that make that climb and miss all those sliding down the other slippery slope, and they slide on their butts back down and leap over the entrance to the drop that seems steeper than before. But they hear their drinking buddies calling from down below to go down with them.
It isn't bit a short uphill on the right fork. And once over the hump, no one is tempted to go back. Only the folks unsure on the first hill, who are afraid, stop and slide back down.
Six months is about when I got settled. I'm in year four and haven't felt a craving or wondered if I was foolish enough to drink again. I am not deluded anymore that it makes me smart and witty. I know it makes me appear incompetent and petty.
Life doesn't get better sober. We just get better at living it.
We were unhappy being what we had tried so hard to accept as happy. We believed we were the life force behind our lives until we stopped at the nexus.
It isn't an interchange of many paths coming in, we all arrive by the same path, some slower than others, some in worse or better shape relatively. And then we all see that there are only two paths that branch off from where we came to it.
The left fork is pain and death that only requires apathy to access and it looks so much easier as it's all downhill from the nexus as far as can be seen.
The other fork is pain and life that only requires self respect to access and looks harder as it goes up hill and then we can't see what's on the other side.
Some stand at the nexus neither moving forward nor choosing, then they lose coursge and go left for long enough to get scared again, and using all their strength, struggle back to the nexus, only to be daunted by the short uphill climb of the right fork.
They find they must go right or be forced down the other side by gravity that makes climbing back harder, and longer, each time. All that to avoid a commitment to make one short effort to climb up to the path that immediately becomes straight and narrow. Some people never stop long enough to think, and spend years falling further each time and find that they have used all their energy. Others fall down that hill once, and recognizing its slope, become more afraid of the fall than the short climb right.
I am afraid we can only cheer from the next rest area just over the hill where they can hear us, but not see us, hollering back to come on! It can be done.
Then we get some that make that climb and miss all those sliding down the other slippery slope, and they slide on their butts back down and leap over the entrance to the drop that seems steeper than before. But they hear their drinking buddies calling from down below to go down with them.
It isn't bit a short uphill on the right fork. And once over the hump, no one is tempted to go back. Only the folks unsure on the first hill, who are afraid, stop and slide back down.
Six months is about when I got settled. I'm in year four and haven't felt a craving or wondered if I was foolish enough to drink again. I am not deluded anymore that it makes me smart and witty. I know it makes me appear incompetent and petty.
Life doesn't get better sober. We just get better at living it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Get out there and live , nothing wrong with that .
I'm a full bore kind of fellow too , last time I rode a dirt bike .
I was leaned down on the tank , running wide open down a major highway .
You just need to fuel the adrenaline rush. .
My boys and I also explore old abandoned houses in the country. ,
We have plans to explore an old abandoned cemetary - at night too .
Rock climbing is also in the works too .
I like to push the limits too .
It relives the urge to drink for me .
Martial arts training is still my favorite though .
Endorphins are better than alochol. .
I'm a full bore kind of fellow too , last time I rode a dirt bike .
I was leaned down on the tank , running wide open down a major highway .
You just need to fuel the adrenaline rush. .
My boys and I also explore old abandoned houses in the country. ,
We have plans to explore an old abandoned cemetary - at night too .
Rock climbing is also in the works too .
I like to push the limits too .
It relives the urge to drink for me .
Martial arts training is still my favorite though .
Endorphins are better than alochol. .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Karate...I relate to you. I can now see that my adrenaline junkie fix was also tied o my self harming mechanism that was tied to my drinking and drug use. You might want to consider all of this is might be tied together. It was for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 65
While I haven't read the entire thread, I'm only on day 64 days sober (after relapse) and I've started living. A wise man said to me, that instead of thinking "you don't have to live like this anymore" about drinking everyday he said "you don't have to die like this." Each day gets a little better and when I do thinks and "live" it really helps.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Captainzing, I gotta tell you that is one of the best posts I've read and I believe it will truly change my outlook on life. That is what I often find myself doing is trying to reach that imaginary station. Always stressing about tomoro and beating myself up for yesterday has been the way I've lived for 20 years. I'm coming up on 5 months and have never felt better. 5 months for this drunk mise well be an eternity and the wonderful people on this site have helped me continue to strive for a life of sobriety. Thank you again for that post. MB8
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi MP,
Great thread, thanks for the provocative start! I'm happy that you have changed your mind since the OP. Here is my contribution to your thread. The first question that came to mind reading your first post: how old are you? I was guessing quite young, because the type of thinking you describe tends to be more characteristic of younger age in my experience. I checked out your profile that says 32, which is indeed young but not an adolescent...
When I was younger (now 40), I had this pattern that I actually recognized as problematic even back then: always living in the future. Some people have another form of this, which is being overly attached to the past (which I've never had much myself). This was before my alcoholism became a serious problem... I always perceived the present as some kind of "school", some kind of preparation for an imagined future, and very often lost the joy of the present in the process. recognized this pattern quite young, but was difficult to change it. I think in part because it's a normal attitude in young people: we are programmed biologically to think and behave that way and be full of ambition and force - I think it's just a mechanism evolution has conserved to ensure the survival of the species (i.e. we need to plan long term and be ambitious and forceful in order to carve our place out in life, find our mates, have children, etc).
Well, my experience with addiction has changed the stubborn future orientation for me I'm quite confident, forever. But I'm sure age has also contributed... I think for me this is something very positive that has emerged from that otherwise negative experience: it has taught me to appreciate the "here and now" and changed my main focus.
Maybe you were confusing some things (I think many people do) when you heard "one day at a time"? Easy to mistake the constructive appreciation and focus on the present with an aimless, empty, dull kind of wandering where someone would just float in the air without direction? Or would want to fight and fight daily running in circles never finding peace? I hope so, because the latter, of course, is no way of meaningful living long term - that's actually what happens to many of us passively while in active addiction. We lose a sense of meaning and direction and fight every single day to survive, to just keep our heads above water, while we sort of die inside...
I agree with the comments above that life does not have to be a forced fight or a struggle. We just have problems, sometimes small / short term, other times bigger / longer term, that need to be resolved in order for it to be meaningful and joyful again.
I think that desire for power and control dissipates in most of us with time and experience and we learn to appreciate quiet and the simple wonders of life. I also think (from experience) that recovery from an addiction is one of the best ways to truly embrace this!
Great thread, thanks for the provocative start! I'm happy that you have changed your mind since the OP. Here is my contribution to your thread. The first question that came to mind reading your first post: how old are you? I was guessing quite young, because the type of thinking you describe tends to be more characteristic of younger age in my experience. I checked out your profile that says 32, which is indeed young but not an adolescent...
When I was younger (now 40), I had this pattern that I actually recognized as problematic even back then: always living in the future. Some people have another form of this, which is being overly attached to the past (which I've never had much myself). This was before my alcoholism became a serious problem... I always perceived the present as some kind of "school", some kind of preparation for an imagined future, and very often lost the joy of the present in the process. recognized this pattern quite young, but was difficult to change it. I think in part because it's a normal attitude in young people: we are programmed biologically to think and behave that way and be full of ambition and force - I think it's just a mechanism evolution has conserved to ensure the survival of the species (i.e. we need to plan long term and be ambitious and forceful in order to carve our place out in life, find our mates, have children, etc).
Well, my experience with addiction has changed the stubborn future orientation for me I'm quite confident, forever. But I'm sure age has also contributed... I think for me this is something very positive that has emerged from that otherwise negative experience: it has taught me to appreciate the "here and now" and changed my main focus.
Maybe you were confusing some things (I think many people do) when you heard "one day at a time"? Easy to mistake the constructive appreciation and focus on the present with an aimless, empty, dull kind of wandering where someone would just float in the air without direction? Or would want to fight and fight daily running in circles never finding peace? I hope so, because the latter, of course, is no way of meaningful living long term - that's actually what happens to many of us passively while in active addiction. We lose a sense of meaning and direction and fight every single day to survive, to just keep our heads above water, while we sort of die inside...
I agree with the comments above that life does not have to be a forced fight or a struggle. We just have problems, sometimes small / short term, other times bigger / longer term, that need to be resolved in order for it to be meaningful and joyful again.
I think that desire for power and control dissipates in most of us with time and experience and we learn to appreciate quiet and the simple wonders of life. I also think (from experience) that recovery from an addiction is one of the best ways to truly embrace this!
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