Cow

YOU MARRIED?! Jesus of God, how does all you detach anhedonics who is marry or with childrens accomplish such things? I can no image! Does you not get exhausted by try to keep up constant charades of feeling and intimacy?

Never snow in LA, but snow at my forest cabin. However, I only there in summer, so rarely does I see it snow, but when I do, it another thing that engage me.

Thank you, Robot, I hope everybody feel they can say real thoughts and feeling in Cow House without worry for judgments or rejections.

SoberLeigh

This Friend of Cow not as smart as other friends of Cow; so much go over this Friend of Cow 's head. But this Friend of Cow like Cow and Cow friends.

freethinking

Lol, ditto SL! But I still like to read

And Cow, I am not anhedonic, but I still have to fake it with my kids a lot of the time. Fart jokes are only funny for so long...

Cow

Soberly, first of alls, Olive and I was just talking about stupid soap opera, which, if you not understand, is only prove you smarter than us for not watching stupid soap opera.

Robot and I is talking about the existential angst of the anhedonic. I not know if you can relates to that. If not, is not possible way you understands. But I know we all interested to hear what is you experiences, okay?

SoberLeigh

There was a time in my life when I could relate (when my baby boy died). I eventually found a place for that bottomless pit of despair but for the longest, agonizing time there was absolutely no joy in my life despite the "beauty" which surrounded me; none of it meant a thing.

toddle118

Cow and Robbie, would you say an anhedonic is similar to a sociopath?

RobbyRobot

Yeah, 1st marriage real cluster-phuck. Complicated. Tragic. Even without alcohol still Armageddon. Lasted 22 years me praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive. One now adult daughter who says she love me and everything but wants me to never contact her again and wishes me well in life, lol. Does not compute for me, but anyways this same old same old for me. Now I re-married and all cozy with sensual woman who doesn't care I am elsewhere even when f2f. This is heaven for me. I think I already in love with her before I met up with her. She everything I dreamed about as young street smart kid. I feel different about myself with her. She is not normal either, (who is really?) and so we enjoy our times together in never-never land, lol. We call it our little island that exists internally and so on within our inter-dependent relationship. We have a motto: "We Don't Do Problems." This makes most of it doable and sustainable. When we fight it is like the apocalypse being at last revealed. Not nice. Bad. Like End of Times scenarios, lol.

My two brothers younger and older we don't speak together. Don't see each other for years now. My younger sister she weird enough we actually get along enough to talk and so on. My mom and dad still living but all religious and whatever. I have coffee with them. They treat me like guest. Same old same old. Must be me, I'm the common denominator, lol. I told my parents when I was really young I can't believe I wasn't adopted because no way could I normalize relations with others even less with family. They would watch The Walton's and tell me it was their dream to have one big happy family. I would wear phony smiling face or explode either way their dream never came true. Same old same old.

Olive1

Cow

Soberly, my condolence as that untenable loss. Somehow you makes it through. I very glad for you, and I jealous too. Run, run like the wind, Soberly, into new life of better days.

Toddle, to a degree. Severe anhendoics can be close to sociopath. But no be afraid, anhedonic is not psychopath. We maybe not feel much or able to care about you, but we not wish to harms you or stabs you or delight in you pain.

Olive, my mamma and me watch GH since I was kid. 40 years for me! OMG! If Sonny not get his comeuppance at some point, I gonna lose it!

Robot, okay I see. Like I always says: For mental cases, best you can do is find somebody who equally f*ck up with compatible neurosis, yes?

RobbyRobot

whaaaaattt!!!???



Yeah, sociopaths have no experience of community morals or collective empathy for others. I care for others, I just don't care if I also don't care at same time, you know? The struggle for me is wasted. Sociopaths don't struggle with such troubles as with empathy or morals.

Cow, yes. So true.

toddle118

I only ask as someone who is with a sociopath, but I think he may have anhedonisia also, is an interesting topic but it must feel a little lonely

RobbyRobot

Sorry for your loss too, Soberly. I lost a sister she was five I was fifteen. She got killed (run over) by a drunken driver in early 70's. Before I was born, my parents lost a son in childbirth, in post-war Germany in '50's. Terrible such anguish. No joy is right. Beauty undone. Lost souls.

So awesome you have found a place to throw out that despair from your life. Very right to do all that. Live life!! Not (always) easy but alternative is much worse. I'm glad you know life is good, Soberly.

toddle118

Sorry soberleigh, just saw your post, must have been terrible for you x

SoberLeigh

Thanks, Robby. I do know life is good and I have found amazing joy, most recently in my beautiful grandchildren; they are incredible little beings. They came to me a little early in life so I hope to be able to share in their lives for a long time to come.I am sorry about your sister; what a horrid and gut-wrenching experience for your family; it can literally rip you apart, physically and emotionally. That is more than any family should have to endure. I am very sorry that you and your family know the meaning of that kind of tragedy, Robby.

SoberLeigh

Thank you, toddle. As I said, I like Cow and friends of Cow; very nice.

RobbyRobot

Loneliness and being alone is experienced differently. Loneliness is entirely subjective and can happen even in room filled with people, as we know. Being alone is different, is objective reality and can only happen externally although people can internalize the external and this warps the experience.

For me there is always difference. Most times I feel more alone when others are around me then I do when by myself.

*no beautiful wife was harmfully included in above message.

--

Thanks, Soberly. It all happened so long ago now. Your a kind and generous person.
So awesome you are happy with your grandchildren!! YAY!!.

SoberLeigh

So true, loneliness often has nothing at all to do with aloneness.

Cow

Soberly, OMG, you has found "amazing joy." Holy sh*t! I total surprise you even wants to hang out with sad rag tag group in Cow's Club, but I so glad you does. Please keep speaking up about how you get from here to there.

Robot, I tell most truths to one closest brother, but I very much remembers first time I tell him something that cross his line of morals. His reaction scares me for thinking I will lose him and so while I still very honest with him about addictions and anhedonia and most things, I careful now to hold back certain thing.

Toddles, if you with sociopath, and you not sociopath, then run for the hills, my friend. Cuz even if they trying they very, very hardest, they never gonna feel connection you wishes and deserve to has in romantic involvement.

SoberLeigh

I have, Cow, but for a very, very long time I never thought it possible; I didn't think that I would ever again find anything even close to happiness. I was fortunate enough to have friends who let me cry, cry, cry and cry, talk, talk and talk, even scream and scream, and eventually, ever so slowly, I came back - not the same; I will never be the same; I will never again have that "innocence" (that kind of sweet innocence that you lost when you were molested - the belief that something so horrid could never happen to you). At least I knew that fate and nature had caused my sadness not the unthinkable and deliberate act of another human being as you experienced.

There are times when my joy has been mixed with some pretty serious sadness so I am very fortunate to have these wonderful little beings in my life; my happiness can be a real balancing act at times, and sometimes it is a decision that I have to consciously make each day.

RobbyRobot

How do you think your bf is a sociopath? This is not just simplistic stuff. Heavy burden for you goes without saying. How do you manage?