bumble

I believe it can't get any worse, but I'm struggling to believe it will get better.

Yesterday, my boyfriend broke up with me (because of my drinking). He was teary-eyed. I felt terrible, but also relieved because I didn't love him. I love my ex - who asked me to move out 10 months ago (because of my drinking). I just found out he's seeing someone else. I am completely heartbroken.

I am also unemployed (because of my drinking).

I've ruined absolutely everything. And I'm posting here because I went through the "contacts" on my phone and found I had no one.

I'm nearly 30; everyone I know is married with babies and careers. As much as I try not to compare myself to others, I can't help but feel deeply, deeply alone.

I went to an AA meeting yesterday, and I found the insights offered by others helpful but I'm a little....angry. I wanted help, I was desperate for someone to help me, and no one did. So I'm angry. On top of that, I feel badly for feeling angry because I know it means I'm selfish.

Sorry. Not sure where I'm going with this. Going to post anyhow.

nicole100

I'm sorry you are going through all of this--and feeling this way.

I am roughly in the same spot -- in a self-created disaster. BUT I am slowly climbing out of it. I think I am done being angry. I was relieved to show up at an AA meeting today. I needed someone to just see me--talk to me. I've pushed so many people out of my life because of my drinking and the resulting behavior.

I am 38. I am single. I have no children. Not all due to drinking. but not I am focusing on being happy with what I DO have.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel things and go through it. It took me months and months - then crashing my car, losing a guy I thought was a friend (and more), and being sexually assaulted -- to get here. But I made it.

It does get better.

Steppin2

Bumble I can so relate. But I carried on my love affair with alcohol into my fourties.

What did you want the A.A. Folks to do? And did you ask them? Did you get some phone numbers from the ladies?

Anger and self pity is part of sobering up. Keep posting and We'll do our best.

soberhawk

I am sorry it is hard Bumble.

There is nothing to be found at the bottom – I think at least.

I do hope you will find a way out.

I am sure some AA people will give you some hints on how to use that program to find recovery.

Take care.

Carlotta

That
If for some reason you told them you were new and they did not approach you after the meeting, then you went to one of those not so helpful meetings.
Go to a different one, introduce yourself and tell them you are new and need help and would appreciate it if you could get some phone numbers. You could also ask if any lady would be willing to be your temporary sponsor.
Well you have us and we understand so it might not be like a magical social life popping up in real time but it is a foundation to build on
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours? Before you know it, those days do add up http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4415852

bumble

Thank you for responding. And you're right - I did not actually ASK for help, I hoped it would be offered. I should have actually asked.

I will try another meeting. At the meeting I went to, there were 30 people, and only 5 of them were women. I have nothing against men, I just know it's considered improprietous to approach them for help.

Coldfusion

Just keep going to meetings, I think that is the most important thing. My wife and I did ninety meetings in in our first ninety days, and we are still sober over a year later.

Get a phone list, get involved here at SoberRecovery... Keep doing positive things!

IOAA2

Hi. A HUGE factor to consider is women for women and men for men. Newcomers have enough to handle without getting into possible extra chaos.

BE WELL

Pipefish

I hear you!! And lots of other identification too. You're not alone anymore

Consequences of active alcoholism take a while to resolve, and getting sober doesn't necessarily mean everything rights itself straight away. That doesn't mean it isn't worth it. No better way to live for an alcoholic than living sober, come what may.

What helped me was establishing a routine of meetings, slowly getting to know others in the programme, & taking it as gently as possible. There is no hurry when my intention is to be sober just one day, & let the rest of my life flow from there.

Take extra good care of yourself, you're precious, we all are Well, I drive a bit of a hard bargain some days but do I deserve sobriety over drinking? Every day I do & so do you

Be well

sugarbear1

Did you ask for help?

Simple, not easy at all to do, but it works if you put in the effort!!!!

Hugs & Love to you

ps it's ok to be selfish. you are new to sobriety. it's all about me me me (or you you you).

alphaomega

What's so beautiful about "bottom" is there is only one way out...

UP.

Acheleus

I feel alone as well and I have people from AA to call. If you keep going back and open up people should help you. I only have 70 days of sobriety but I feel a lot more...independent at this point, I don't have nearly as much fear as I did when I first quit. Look up meet up on the internet or support groups for all kinds of stuff. If you have a hobby look up something you can do to meet people who share your interests. And 30 is not old! I know a lot of people who don't get settled and down to business until mid thirties or later, no one can tell you when or how you can be happy, only you can do that. I hope you feel better.

MissionRecovery

Hey bumble. Glad you are here and share your story. Many of our stories are very similar - we lost almost everything by drinking and doing stupid stuff. The worse thing is that when we lose our closed ones. However, there is a positive to all of it - THERE IS A SOLUTION!!! Yes, there is. You are under 30, do you know how many people would kill to be at your age (including me - LOL). You have chance at any age to live in recovery and have a very happy life. You do need ask for a help, here on the website or at your local AA group. You need to get a sponsor immediately. If you cannot find one at your local group, call 1-800 number (visit AA website) and you will get one.

I know how you fell. Many people here do. Fell that you do not want to live and death is the only solution for all your problems. This is totally wrong thought. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. The only thing is required to STOP DRINKING! Everything will come back - sometime quickly, sometime slowly as it is mentioned in the Promises.

Once (well many times), I felt like you, and one guy told me - Good I am feeling that way. I was hurt, it is not what I needed to hear during that time. Only later I realized, he wanted to help me so that I can push myself to recovery. I do not want to tell you it is good you are feeling that way. You need compassion and mercy right now. You are spiritually low and you need to fine your higher power of your understanding. You need to fill in your gaps right now otherwise you will be back what you were doing. And please keep in mind, THERE IS A SOLUTION.

Good luck and God bless you on your journey to recovery.

Pete55

and
Reminds me word for word what it was like at the "bottom" several years ago.
From my own experience, I turned that anger to a win decision, if that makes sense.This "bottom" was where I found the "exit door" and for me it was AA even though I never knew AA ever existed, I simply dialed a number out of the phone book when looking for some info. about why things "happen" when I drink alcohol.

I know now there are meetings and there are meetings and there are more meetings, they all different, but similar. Find a meeting your are comfortable with and consider making it your home group.
What you may try to do first is establish if you are a real alcoholic, understand the meaning of "powerless over alcohol...",
( the fist half of Step 1)
By going to meetings and listening, asking questions etc you will soon know more about your drinking and what it does to you.
There IS Hope.

Mountainmanbob

given time with AA attendance
most all meet some good friends in time
please give it a solid chance

this site has proved to be a blessing for many
glad that you are here
offer your hand as others offer their hand to you
you should have many friends here in short while

Mountainman

CAPTAINZING2000

there isn't a happy pill to make all the pain go away right now. That's why it's so hard for people to stop drinking. When, I had emotions, I drank trying to make it better or to numb the pain.

I had to hit what was my rock bottom to stop digging deeper. I did find hope at meetings. I believed what they told me. All anyone can do is offer you support. Life will get better without drinking.....

bumble

I don't even want to be alive. I would never kill myself (I'm not strong enough to even do that), but I don't want to be alive.

I want everything to be better NOW. I want the person I still love to love me. At the very least, I want to know SOMEONE cares. That someone will help me.

I've never asked for help; I've always been the one spending hours late into the night helping others with their issues. I am now finally miserable and desperate enough to know I need help, and couldn't find it.

Am I just too impatient?!

Dee74

Think of it this way Bumble - it took years to get you to where you are today - it won't take years to get you out again., but it will take a little while.

I was apathetic and fatalistic about life too - there was very little to value in my drinking life....but I got sober, stayed sober...and things changed. I changed.

Please do give it a try - there's a lot of support here - you're not alone

D

least

Look at this as a chance to start a whole new life for yourself.

marselles

Bumble, welcome. Well done for reaching out. We sometimes have to just keep on reaching out.

Stay around until the magic happens!

And thanks - you've helped me reconsider the way i might respond to newcomers at meetings