Elisabeth888

I am sorry!!

You are going to have to ask for help before,during, or after the meeting though. You will find the support you need, you just have to ask.. sometimes more than once.

You sound like you are ready, do everything to NOT DRINK. Go to a doctor, a therapist, find a sponsor... I did all three of those and they became my support system. Oh, and SR is a HUGE part of my recovery!

bumble

Oh! I'm sorry - I wasn't trying to make anyone else feel bad! Everyone has limited time, and limited emotional resources!

I KNOW that!

(knowing didn't stop me from feeling angry, though...I'm a bad person).

2muchpain

I think sometimes, people with some decent sober time behind them forget just how hard it is to walk into those rooms and ask for help. I've experienced the same problem Bumble has. Unfortunately, after many attempts to connect at many meeting for some time, I have finally given up. I hope Bumble has better luck. I still go to meetings occasionally because I do get a lot out of them, but I'm more realistic as far as what I can expect out of them. I am much more comfortable at the meetings now than I was before since I changed my expectations a little. Good luck to Bumble.

2muchpain

I think if you keep going, you will notice the anger going away. I felt the same way you did for the same reason. I've seen a lot of people come and go over the years, and I've wondered how many left because things didn't turn out the way they were hoping for, and went back out again. Nothing is worth that. It's like letting other people control whether I drink or not. Remember you are there for you, take from the meetings as much as you can. There's a lot of wisdom in those rooms. Take advantage of it!

bumble

That's what I'm afraid of: things not turning out the way I hope they will.

I still love my ex; I was happier with him than I've been with anyone; he repeatedly told me I made him very happy.....but now he's seeing someone else. And, when I found out, I was so racked with sobs I hyper-ventilated....I had to force myself to calm down...I am living 11 floors up and, although I don't think I'd ever kill myself, I know I could.

I could. Easily.

kflee

It has its ups and downs at meetings in this town. I do go to meetings but get most benefits from other sources. Like SR support anytime, getting 4 sponsors, alcohol lectures twice a week, and group chat about the steps and coffee 3 mornings a week. Some places just don't have as comfortable ones as others. Good luck..

MissionRecovery

Bumble, who is going to gain out of this? and who is going to lose? Use your love and anger to your ex boyfriend as a tool to success in recovery and show the world you could live in recovery so everyone who did not believe in you, swallow their shame. BTW, your ex is probably seeing someone to make you jealous so that you can stop drinking. But again, you are smart and can do it, and you will gain him back.

bumble

I will use every tool I have - even spite - to beat this.

I guess.

(And my ex's new girlfriend is probably sleeping on one of my goddamn pillows as we speak...)

bumble

I'm all talk.

I want to be dead.

tomsteve

reread this and I don't think you will need help determining iffen yer too impatient, plus a few other things.
ya didn't get where you arfe overnight. its gonna take time to get out but you are going to have to putin the footwork. the fellowship will help, but not carry you.
yer not gonna be able to force someone to still love you, but of course people care!! ya got some right here and there will be some at yer next meeting.

did ya get phone numbers yet? got a big book?

tomsteve

no, you don't want to be dead. you want to be weller than you are right now.
all talk andno action wont help that happen. get yer but to ameeting. yer worth it.

Dee74

I get the sense you want to be alive again, more than anything.

I was all talk too - I stopped talking...and starting doing.

think about it - what are you doing for your recovery?
now...what else could you be doing?

What can you add?


D

fini

Originally Posted by bumble

I want everything to be better NOW. I want the person I still love to love me. At the very least, I want to know SOMEONE cares. That someone will help me.

I've never asked for help; I've always been the one spending hours late into the night helping others with their issues. I am now finally miserable and desperate enough to know I need help, and couldn't find it.

Am I just too impatient?!

Bumble,
wake up!
you ARE asking for help and you ARE finding it. people here are helping you right now. caring enough to spend time with you.
that it's not exactly the kind of help you want RIGHT NOW...let that be okay for this moment. you're here,you asked, people are caring, we are listening.
that is a 'wow', no?
that it is no help in getting your ex back...ja. that it doesn't make things be the way you want, ja, that too.that things may not work out the way you want and hope them to: true for all of us.

putting your energy (and anger is tremendous energy!) into your recovery and sobriety will for sure give you more choices, more possibilities.

oops, sounds like a lecture. but meant as encouragement

2muchpain

Bumble, I to am the kind of person people will come to if they need help or advice. They would always say that I am a good listener. They knew they could always count on me if they needed something. My self-worth was based on this. But after draining myself helping others, I realized that I was looking in the wrong place to feel good about myself. When I turned to these same people for help, they weren't there for me. It really put me in a bad place, and the only the only "friend" I had that would be there for me was liquor. Self-worth has to come from within. Depending on other people to tell me that I am a good, worthwhile person is risky as you found out. When that disappears, like losing a boyfriend, you are left feeling empty and worthless. I've learned this the hard way (drinking, hospitals, suicidal attempts). Realizing I am a valuable person regardless what happens around me has helped me a lot. Your boyfriend and his choices doesn't define who you are. Sorry for such a long post, but your posts really hit a nerve. Hope things go well for you.

Elisabeth888

Unfortunately, as addicts/alcoholics, we want everything NOW.

It is going to take some time to feel better though. Focus on TODAY and staying clean today. That was all I could do at first. And if you are sober at the end of the night, you accomplished a lot more than you did before!!!

bumble

Thank you. I needed this.

And to all else who replied - thank you. You're right; there ARE things I can do, and, if I'm being honest, I'm not doing nearly enough of them. Sitting around wallowing in self-pity isn't going to make anything better.

Aussiegurl

Hi Nicole,
Just wanted to say hello, saw your earlier post. It's comforting to see someone close to my age, (I'm 39, single, no kids) and have a drinking problem, I don't drink daily, but when I do, most of the times I get belligerent and people don't like being around me as I'm loud and argumentative, it could be worse, but it already is when my relationships are going to s**t.. Anyway wanted to say hello, hope you don't mind I added you as a friend.
Aussiegurl. Bumble, sending you much love and strength. You are not alone.

Dee74

Welcome to SR AussieGurl

D

Aussiegurl

Dee74

ru12

Bumble, we care.

This is hard. It is isolating. It is uncomfortable an annoying to deal with addiction. But, this stage passes. We heal bit by bit. And in a short time we are often sober and posting on this website. And then someone makes a post that brings us back to the day we felt the despair you are now feeling. And then it goes full circle and we try to offer the compassion we were shown. Amazing.

You can heal from this. You can want to live again and have purpose in life. I know you can do this. We were you and we got better. There are many paths out of addiction. Find yours and begin to heal.