Hello again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Hi quitter and welcome back;
I think not drinking is the priority here and you seem to be working on that.
However, I think letting your spouse keep you from seeing a therapist because she
might be talked about, or not letting you go to AA because she is jealous is some serious
"red-flaggage" about her own emotional / control issues.
Controlling how you clean the floor with over-the-top verbal abuse is another example.
You need to set some boundries for yourself here to protect your sobriety and sanity.
I tended to accept a lot of blame from my husband once I quit drinking because
of the guilt I had but sometimes the issue really is them and not you.
As endgame said, what are you getting out of this?
I think not drinking is the priority here and you seem to be working on that.
However, I think letting your spouse keep you from seeing a therapist because she
might be talked about, or not letting you go to AA because she is jealous is some serious
"red-flaggage" about her own emotional / control issues.
Controlling how you clean the floor with over-the-top verbal abuse is another example.
You need to set some boundries for yourself here to protect your sobriety and sanity.
I tended to accept a lot of blame from my husband once I quit drinking because
of the guilt I had but sometimes the issue really is them and not you.
As endgame said, what are you getting out of this?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Quitter - I wrote a whole thing about couples therapy before I read all of the other posts in this thread. So - deleted everything and am now writing this.
This relationship to me - and I am NOT a married person so don't pretend to give advice - seems claustrophobic and unbalanced. I'm not sure I would like someone controlling me the way you describes she controls you. honestly, who the h*ll is she to tell you not to see counseling? Too bad if it makes her feel guilty. Tell her if she is worried about it she would benefit from some work on herself.
This relationship to me - and I am NOT a married person so don't pretend to give advice - seems claustrophobic and unbalanced. I'm not sure I would like someone controlling me the way you describes she controls you. honestly, who the h*ll is she to tell you not to see counseling? Too bad if it makes her feel guilty. Tell her if she is worried about it she would benefit from some work on herself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
I accepted alot of the blame in my failed relationship as well due to my drinking. I mean the fact is, I did put that poor woman through alot of hell. When I was in IOP and a similar issue came up, our "doctor" said people that behaved negatively toward us were doing what we taught them. And I agree with that to a certain extent, I mean my wife was untrusting of me too, but I lied to her alot. However, the volatile explosive temper and her control issues I dont feel like I deserve any responsibility for other than for hooking up with her because I was drunk and I shouldn't have. Before your next argument though, I want to share something here my sponsor told me tonight. You can't wrestle a pig and not get dirty. Throwing that out because if she's like my wife, fighting and arguing is what she wants. Hard to be around someone like that and work a real program of recovery. At least I couldn't.
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